Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Think I'm a little testy?

I belong to several online groups for frum singles. Recently, I read this posting:

I would like to share with you an inspiring story, which I feel the need to spread. A friend of mine confided in me the story of how she met her spouse, or should I say how her spouse met her. He had dated for a while, around 50 different girls, and was beginning to feel that the situation was hopeless. After some time he decided to try the well-known concept of 40 days of prayer at the Kotel. Shortly after the allotted time was complete he was set up with his wife, my friend.

I, being a bit skeptical of these mystical things decided to research the 40 days of prayer. I came across a site westernwallprayers. org and after reading what they were about and reviewing all of their success stories, I am now convinced.

May G-d answer all our prayers for the best, Zissa

I am more than a little skeptical of and said so bluntly:

I paid for two rounds of prayers more than two years ago. I am still single.

Obviously they haven't put me on their website. Someone else wrote:

A friend of mine also paid several years ago and she's still single too.

Well, at least it's not just me. Zissa dispensed a little more wisdom:

I am sorry to hear that they are still single. I am sure we all know that our prayers never go unanswered... Sometimes we need to learn to accept no for an answer. All the best, Zissa.

If that's your best, I would hate to see your worst.

Thanks for the encouragement, Zissa. I'm glad your friend's prayers were answered to his satisfaction, while I'm apparently doomed to remain single. All the best, Ayelet

I sent that at 7:45 a.m. this morning. A little sleepy, and still more than a little testy about the whole ET debacle. To be fair, all things being equal, I wouldn't choose to date or marry someone a decade my senior. But I don't think I'd randomly make out with them, either.

Zissa apparently didn't want to give me the wrong impression and responded at 8:15 a.m.:

Hi Ayelet, I am sorry to hear that you feel that way. Please do not lose hope that GD has a special intended someone just for you. All the best, Zissa

Like that makes up for anything. I wanted to snipe back, "You have an answer for everything, don't you?" but refrained.

ET sent me an apologetic email:

As we discussed on Monday night, I have had a crush on you for quite some time. I have had crushes on other people for periods of time as well.

In general, I avoid dating people unless I believe it can end up leading to a long-term relationship and possible marriage. I know I am looking to find the right person for me, and think that most single girls are as well, so why should I get into a relationship which might prevent a person from meeting their match?

I can honestly say that all I had in mind was wishing you a great night, and giving you a kiss on your cheek. I felt that was warranted after the pool game we had earlier in the evening, in which we were joking around with each other. In hindsight, I wish that was how the evening ended.

The crush I may have on you doesn't matter in my mind right now -- I like spending time with you in general, playing connect 4, discussing how guys are losers, finding out what is doing on the UWS... While I had an amazing time last night, it really isn't worth losing you as a friend. I would love a Shomer-Negiah relationship with you, if you think that is the best way.

Please feel free to not respond to this email, if it would make things tougher for you. Whenever you are comfortable, let me know, and I would love to take you to dinner. I would be happy to invite other people, and we can go as friends -- nothing more. You can even bring a date/friend if you like, and I can treat both of you. I owe Ozer a meal anyway, after eating by his place a few times -- bring him along. :-)

Someday when you are married to a great guy, I hope to be friends with your husband as well, and take you both to dinner -- perhaps a 3-way game of Connect 4 will exist at that point, which we can play together. :-)

I'm sorry for anything I have done which was not proper. As a guy, I have no doubt that I have done many things that I shouldn't have, and I am really sorry for that.

Ya think? I realize I might have misinterpreted some of the things he did and said, but how could I have misinterpreted "weight is just a number, like age"? Whatever...

In hindsight, I wish no more had happened either. Don't worry about it. I will be fine, I just need some space.

I will be "fine"; I know I will be. It's the getting to fine I hate, and right now I'm not much closer to fine than I was last night.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. While you can't pray at the kosel while in NY, you might try taking a trip to Irael to do it. Alternatively you can put a picture in your room and pray every day for 40 days. Its a better gamble than putting rocks in your bra. Even if you don't get married, you still did a mitzvah.

  2. Praying to pictures? Aren't we Jewish here? That ain't no mitzvah, it's avodah zara.

    Pray to God. No guaranteed results except a closer relationship with God and a better relationship with yourself.


  3. The idea of 40 days come from Moshe Rabeinu who prayed that Hashem would forgive Am Yisrael for 40 days.

    2 Davening Sgulas:

    #1- trying saying "Shirat Hayam" the splitting of the sea for 40 days. Since finding your other half is as hard as the splitting of the red sea.

    #2- A breslov idea is if you really want something to daven for this thing for 6 hours straight. Turn off your phone, computer etc. and just daven for this one thing. It's not easy but it's sopoused to work.

    If you can't do 6 hours then Rav Arush recomends saying "Thank you" for an hour. Thank you for me being single, thank you for me that marrying the wrong guy, thank you for where I am right now...thank you for everything that seems not so great and ofcourse thank you for the good things in life.

    Good Luck!