Wednesday, July 01, 2009

History doesn't repeat itself

Jurassic Vassilievich sent me an instant message Sunday night, asking how I was doing. Too tired to type, I sent him a link to my post about the 18-minute date. Last night he sent me an email:

Before I start, I need you to understand that the last thing I want to do is to hurt you any more than you hurt already. So please take this email in its intended spirit -- stemming from care for you.

I don't know whether or not you intended it, but I have read your blog. All of it. And now, a part of me wishes that I hadn't.

I had to read it in chunks, because there was only so much of it that I could bear at a time. After you had friended me and I started reading your status updates on Facebook, I sensed some of your unhappiness, but at that time I couldn't even imagine a fraction of what I had read. Even after our first conversation, I didn't appreciate how much you had gone through, or how hard it has been on you.

Of course, I read your post about me, and I realized that I might have seemed insensitive both when you called me, and when we IM'ed a couple of nights ago. I can only say that I'm sorry, I did not mean to be an ass.

Also, I'm afraid you misunderstood my intentions when I gave you my number. I did it because I heard the pain in your voice, and thought (rightly or wrongly), that you could use some support from outside your regular circle of friends.

As for the questions in your post, if you really need to ask, then here are the answers:

1. Whatever you found annoying about me 20 years ago probably is still there. And if you can't quite put your finger on it, I can probably offer a few helpful suggestions. :-)

2. As I told you when we spoke, I loved the girl I knew 20 years ago. On some level, I will always care about you, but I can't go beyond that.

3. I have absolutely no desire to go anywhere near any kind of Orthodoxy ever again.

I realize that (almost) the last thing you want is another male friend. I wish that I could offer more, or at least that I could lessen your pain, but I don't see how I can do that. On the other hand, if you ever need anything from me, all you have to do is ask. Always.

Engineers. They are thorough, aren't they? ;) (ET is also an engineer, and also read the blog from beginning to end once he was introduced to it. Occasionally ET takes issue with a post he finds less than 100% accurate from his perspective. Apparently engineers don't really understand the art of memoir.)

I'm glad JV's not offended that I blogged about finding him annoying -- in retrospect, I shouldn't have shown him anything from the blog. But he's kind enough to take it in stride. I wrote back:

No worries. I was exploring an idea, which, as it turns out, wasn't meant to go anywhere. I appreciate your friendship and consideration. :)

In other news, my sister Jerusha did something entirely unprecedented:

what's up? are you joining us in Chicago? do you have fun plans for the 4th?

i met someone i thought you might like. he's 37, a baal tshuva, lives in Brooklyn, a nice guy, separated, no kids. would you be interested in meeting or emailing him?

as malka would say, ttyl!

Jerusha and her kids are going to visit Yonina and her kids in Chicago this month. In the 17 years we've lived in NYC, Jerusha has never tried to set me up. Ever. To say I was shocked would be an understatement on the scale of calling Michael Jackson "troubled."

Unfortunately, because of my vacation, I can't go to Chicago -- I can't take any more time off. Also, I was promoted, so this month will be really busy. I'm going to be coordinating our new dual diagnosis program, which doesn't yet exist so I'll actually be co-creating it. Wish I could join you. How are all of you? I'm trying to think of something to get for Malka for her bat mitzvah. I know she wanted a $250 Claire's gift certificate, but I'd like to get her something more lasting. Any ideas?

I guess I'd be interested in meeting the guy. Thanks for thinking of me. How long has he been separated?

She responded:

Congratulations on your promotion and new program.

I'll think about what you could do for Malka, I agree Claire's isn't optimal, plus $20-40 would be more than enough there!

His name is M. I'll attach his picture. His email is I did mention you to him, he said he'd be interested in meeting you.

Wow. End of the Cold War. I wrote back:

Thanks. How did you meet M? You can give him my email address. I'm attaching a photo as well.

I'll keep everyone posted...
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. Does it not even bother you that he's still married?

  2. If he has a get, I'm not bothered.

    If he's withholding a get, I'm bothered.

    I won't know till I talk to him.

  3. Keep us posted. If nothing else, an encouraging gesture by your sis.
    But let him email you.