Tuesday, July 07, 2009

I coulda hit that

Last night I went to sing karaoke with ET and a bunch of 20somethings, since almost all of my age-appropriate friends are married with kids and can't stay out till midnight on a work night. (In addition to being child-free, I work 12-8 on Tuesday, so I have a little more leeway.)

I wasn't trying to attract attention. I certainly wasn't dressed for it; long sleeves, high-cut top, loose long skirt, no makeup. Yet a 24-year-old and a 26-year-old tried to hit on me.

Actually, they successfully hit on me, I just didn't let it go anywhere. The 24-year-old came up to me after finishing his song and started chatting. ET was doing some justice to "Stacy's Mom."

"I've known ET for about 16 years," the 24yo said, "since I was like 8." I did the math: he's 24. "He's a lot older than us," he continued.

"Us? He's not older than me," I said.

"How old are you?" he asked.

"I'm 39," I said lightly. His eyes bulged.

"You're 39?" he asked incredulously. I nodded. "You look incredible!"

"Good skincare," I said, "and it's dark in here."

He stared at me. "Wow," he murmured. "You're so gorgeous...." He reached up to touch my cheek. I let him, but I didn't encourage him. After a moment I moved my head and he let his hand drop.

I was tempted to sleep with him just so I could say I slept with someone 15 years younger than I am, but I'm trying to be virtuous and deserve a husband.

Anyway, when he got up to sing "Gangsta's Paradise," I went to mingle with some other people I knew. And the cute stranger on my other side struck up a conversation. He said I looked familiar, then asked me my name, if we were Facebook friends (we're not), how I knew ET, where I was from, and if I wanted a drink.

"Sure," I said. "Amstel light with a lime twist."

After he got up, I asked the person on his other side, whom I knew, "What's his story?"

"He's Rochel Steiner's ex-husband," she said.

Ooooooooooooooooh. See, I know Rochel Steiner. Not well, but she was one of the people I met when I went out dancing a few weeks ago. And they're actually not entirely divorced yet. I know it's a mistake to date recently divorced guys who got married very young. Nothing good can come of it. Also, he's only 26. Way to young for anything but friendship.

But he invited me to see him earn his second-degree black belt next Monday night. Karate is cool. I might go.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. "I was tempted to sleep with him just so I could say I slept with someone 15 years younger than I, but I'm trying to be virtuous and deserve a husband."

    Sigh, I know you are a behaviorist, but please consider in this situation that some cognitive restructuring may be in order. We are all deserving of love and a life partner. That doesn't change if you sleep with someone 15 years your junior or not. You deserve to enjoy your single years, making it all about the goal of getting married has to be hurting you. Why not allow yourself to enjoy the journey too? That is the key to happiness as per Tal Ben-Shahar. And well, he knows something or two about happiness, he wrote the book on it and has lectured to thousands of Harvard students on the topic in his class which has been the most popular class in Harvard history.

    He is a psychologist, but he is one of the good guys. You might like his book actually, "Happier".

  2. Nice. Avoid the still-sorta-marrieds though.


  3. I didn't realize that what they teach nowadays in psychology school by experts on "happiness" is the key to happiness is to enjoy some premarital sex! I hope that is not what you are trying to imply, TikunOlam. You do realize this is the blog of a religious Orthodox Jewish lady as well as psychologist? You realize that her religion, and mine, teaches that she should accept *death* rather than engage in sexual immorality? Yet I don't see religious Jews who are less happy than their premarital-sex enjoying counterparts.

  4. Ploni Almoni--Whoa, time to correct a misperception/error: a single woman is not required to accept "death" before sleeping with a man (single or not, as it turns out, thanks to Judaism's generous view of polygamy). It's mere znut. Not arayot.

    Not that I'm recommending doing something that you feel uncomfortable doing or that you think is immoral or sketchy.

    Just that it's not liable/punishable by death, nor is death preferable to it. (All this from a confirmed 30-year-old virgin.)

  5. TikunOlam???(Rectifiction of World)
    Sounds more like KilkulOlam (Corruption of World)to me!

  6. OK, I am corrected, it is "mere" znut. Please note what our sages and our Tanakh says about "mere" znut (harlotry) however. Of course, by saying that it is forbidden, I sound like a prude. Perhaps just being a good and decent person is being a prude nowadays.