Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Someone I won't even bother contacting

I rejoined Frumster. I have about a month before the Alaska cruise, and I might as well try to make the most of it.

There were a few messages to read and maybe respond to, including a missed IM from a 34-year-old guy, who basically just said "hello." I responded in kind. (I ignored the icebreaker from the 51-year-old divorced guy with an associates degree who works as a "courier.")

And there was this fellow, who's my age:

This is how I describe myself: In life I try to remember that all my actions will eventually be judged. I try to live my life to that mantra, That is how I was raised, In essence that is what being frum Is all about. btw I have two kids

This is what I am looking for in a mate: Being frum is what is on the inside it is not about a shaitel or the skirt a women puts on, its in her heart. A true giving women that gives charity for the sake of charity is what defines a real women of valor. Outer Beauty fades inner beauty lasts forever, chemistry is still important

He sounds interesting. Not the best online writer, but he's a professional. So I wrote him:

Subject: chemistry is 15% physical and 85% psychospiritual

A rough estimate ;) I like what you said about living while remembering that all your actions will be judged, and giving for the sake of giving. I'm sure you will not be found wanting.

We'll see how he responds. But I am not writing to this guy:

This is how I describe myself: One time I made dinner for my young nephews. When I served it to them, they took a bite and told me that it was the best they ever had. I tasted it and it was awful. My nephews (ages 5 & 7), who have no problem speaking their mind, loved me so much that they actually ate the food and lied to me about how good it was. I realized then how much I love those little guys and that its about time I started a family of my own. I love children and I am very close to my family. However, first things first, I am must find the right woman. I am smart, accomplished, confident and I am looking to settle down with a best friend, a lover, a better half.

As far as looks go, I've been described by as very cute or very handsome. Though in the religious community my age and marital status stick out like a red flag and, as I do not want to miss out on meeting the right person, I feel its important for you to know that I've been in long term (and normal) relationships before returning to the religious fold. So please don't place me in the "religious guy who is not married because he must have some horrible hidden defect I don't know about" category.

What could be wrong with him? Keep reading...

This is what I am looking for in a mate: Please be naturally slim as I have long ago accepted the fact that I would always go half-hungry and exercise like a maniac just to keep fit. As such, I would like to give my kids a fighting chance when it comes to their DNA (i.e. Mom's side)

Please be smart and accomplished- it does not matter what field it is or whether you have the right education or not- just as long as its something that proves your dedication and ability to follow through with your goals.

If you have children, even better, as I want a big family and judging by my age it will not be likely. Under the right circumstances I would be willing to adopt them as my own and no matter what happens, I will, with open arms, assume both moral and legal responsibility for them as my children for the rest of my life.

I'm smart and accomplished, but definitely not "naturally slim." Scratch him off the list. He's a year younger than I am, anyway, and at 39, a year younger might as well be a decade younger.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. What a douchebag.


  2. Why is he a douchebag? Because he's stating his preference for someone slim? Frumster asks you to describe what you're looking for. That's what he did. Okay, maybe he went into a little more explanation that required as to why he wants someone slim. But a guy (or girl) is entitled to look for what they want. Why waste everyone's time? If he hadn't written that, you might have contacted him, met, went out, and then gotten rejected (and may not have even known why) because of his preference. It may not be nice to hear (read), but it saves a lot of time. He's 38- he wants to find someone who appeals to him in the most efficeient way possible- telling you what he wants. If he had just written "looking for someone slim" without the sandwich-manic bit, would you still label him a douchebag?

  3. He's a douchebag because he's engaged in eugenics, NJG. You may recall that Adolf Hitler was a big fan of eugenics, too. (look at that - I played the Hitler card. :) )

    If a guy is looking for a fit woman, he can say "Fitness is very important to me." He doesn't have to go on a rant about DNA.

    And if the frumster reader may be permitted to 'read between the lines,' it bespeaks a feeling of superiority and condescension. So yeah, he's a douchebag.

  4. I think that he sounds like a self aware guy. I think you might be mad at him b/c of the slim thing. but I would set him up with a friend in a second. Actually I want to! I mean he's 38 and wants a family. That's awesome. And he was off the derech. that means in frum years he's probably only like 28 and younger guys rock! Don't chuck them out. Some of the most marriageable guys are younger. Guys who are into older women are much cooler.(once we hit 30 frum ladies should start dating guys up to 5 or six years younger! Also we can have babies now until we are in our generous 40's. It's a secret of staying young and maintaining self resepect.)

  5. I'm not mad at him, but I think he's annoying ;) And I have no problem with younger guys -- I attract them like anything -- but they're usually not interested in marrying an older woman.

  6. He's not a douchebag. He's a human being who's being honest. His preference is for slim women. The fact that he states it so bluntly means that the majority of women will find this annoying. But some women will deal with it for whatever reason. (Hopefully, Ayelet is not one of them) I wouldn't want my daughter marrying someone with such a superficial attitude. The line about children eugenics or no eugenics is kinda weird, but not immoral. He may have many good qualities and make a fine husband for a woman who is naturally thin, or doesn't mind a husband who counts her calories. May HaShem have rachmanus on her.

  7. "He may have many good qualities and make a fine husband for a woman who is naturally thin, or doesn't mind a husband who counts her calories. May HaShem have rachmanus on her."

    Well put, Kotzker! ;)