Monday, July 27, 2009

Too blunt?

I used to state in my Frumster profile that I am not chassidish and not looking to become chassidish. Then I thought that sounded too negative, and was redundant since I list myself as "modern orthodox - liberal," so I took it out. I also used to include an age limit -- within 7 years of my age -- but removed that point as well. So I got an email yesterday from a chassidish 53-year-old:

I'm late for work, but was wondering your Kohaine status.

Everything about that message irritated me.

First off, you're 14 years older than I am and chassidish. In what universe do I find you remotely appealing?

Second, who cares if you're late for work? Looking at my profile is making you late for work? That's not my fault! Look at profiles of women your own age!

Finally, that is a very personal and intrusive question. Asking it in a rush like that is just tacky.

I realize that I'm all hormonal and cranky, having just gotten my period (and was also annoyed that yesterday's thunderstorm destroyed my alarm clock, which I had left on the windowsill) but I wrote back bluntly:

You're too old for me.

Was that too blunt?

Today my cool Israeli sunglasses lost a screw. I need to buy a new alarm clock. I still can't find pants that fit so I can go hiking in Alaska. It is shaping up to be a very annoying week. Given that it's the Nine Days, I should be thinking more about the destruction of the Temple and sinat chinam, but right now I'm too irritated by my life.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. We all have those days, my dear.

    No, I think he needed to hear it. He's obviously pretty clueless.

    Remind me to fwd you my email to "the older guy" one time... interesting reading.


  2. Someone who's that blunt and obviously lacking in social graces and politeness deserves bluntness back.

  3. I don't think you were too blunt. I think you told him off as curtly as he inquired about your sexual history. No tact shown, no tact deserved.

  4. Too blunt for what? A guy you have no interest in ever meeting and introduced himself in rude way himself.

    I have been saying this a lot lately. Just because we are mental health professionals doesn't mean we have to be "nice" all the time. Sometimes we also get to just tell it like it is.

  5. Carmen,
    Is "Kohaine status" code for "sexual history"? I thought that would mean has she ever been married. Oh, I guess, same thing?

  6. TO, you obviously pattern yourself after Albert Ellis. And that's a compliment. What he means by "Kohaine status" is whether I've ever slept with a non-Jew, since that renders a woman ineligible to marry a Kohaine. As does divorce. So yes, it's an intrusive question.

  7. But wait, what is your Kohein status? You didn't answer the question. Just kidding. That's pretty tacky.

    Don't forget an older Kohein often gets either depressed or desperate. They will date anyone who is halachically permissable, chassidishe, non chassidishe, litvishe, yeshivishe, modern, barely frum, .....

    But bluntness must be willing to get bluntness back.