Monday, September 07, 2009

21st-century Vassilievitch

I took Jurassic Vassilievitch for a haircut today.

"You've had that same haircut for as long as I've known you," I said. "20 years."

"More like 30," JV said.

"It's not helping you," I said. "You're single. You need a new look. Book an appointment at a nice salon, and I'll go with you. You're not allowed to say anything, but I absolutely want your input before I talk to the stylist." Amazingly, he agreed.

At the salon we flipped through magazines for inspiration. Note: if you're going to get a haircut for a man, don't bother with Vogue. Go straight to People. We found a few styles that I liked and JV was able to stomach. He vetoed the Rob Pattinson "Twilight" look, and I showed him Pete Wentz' flat-ironed folly, but just for laughs.

"I liked your hair in that picture when you went to the beach a few weeks ago," I said.

JV shook his head. "I don't like hair on my forehead," he said.

"There's hair on your forehead right now," I pointed out.

"Normally I would have gotten a haircut three weeks ago," JV said. "I waited for today."

"Smart move," I said.

After the shampoo girl washed JV's hair, we met with the salon's Artistic Director (AD), an Asian guy who had very flippy hair shaved on the sides and the number 5 tattooed on the back of his neck. JV began to look a little nervous.

"So what we want is something very simple," I said, showing AD some pictures.

"It's much shorter in the front than he has it now," said AD.

"He doesn't like hair on his forehead," I informed AD. "And it has to be really easy to style. I want him to just put a dab of gel on his hands, run them through his hair, and go."

"He won't even need gel," said AD. "Wash-n-wear." JV looked a little relieved, and AD started cutting.

"So where do you guys live?" asked AD, making polite conversation.

"I live in Manhattan, he lives in Jersey," I said. "We're not together. I'm just bossy." AD nodded, unfazed. He did a fantastic job; JV looks much better.

Next up: new glasses. Apparently JV got the current pair while on vacation in Florida, when he lost his glasses playing in the surf with his kids. LensCrafters will make you a new pair in about an hour, but apparently they won't warn you if you're about to commit a tragic fashion emergency.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. Ayelet, you make me crack up many, many times! "AD nodded, unfazed."???

    I think it's great you're taking JV out to give him a slight makeover... True friends, IMHO.

  2. thanks for reading and commenting, Kathrin! ;-)

  3. I love your blog and read it all the time. Even the posts from before I knew your blog! I've even subscribed to it through my Google reader...

    If law firms weren't a bit queasy when it comes to illnesses, I'd befriend you on FB as well, but as it is... *sigh*

  4. Kathrin, with or without FB, I definitely consider you a friend :)

  5. Aw, thanks! :-D I think you're awesome!

  6. Yes, quite amused. Like dialog.

  7. Nice! I've done that for guy friends in desperate fashion(less) states. Good for you. :)


  8. Ayelet,

    You're a good friend. Glad that JV was open to it.

    You'd have to drag me kicking and screaming to go to that kind of place. I'm a barber guy. And definitely no gel, of any sort, ever. It accelerates male pattern baldness by clogging pores. I like having all my hair.