Monday, September 21, 2009

Happy New Year

Rosh Hashana was bearable. I didn't go to shul, so I didn't daven or hear shofar (yes, I know that's bad), but I did get out every day. Went to friends' meals. Did tashlich at the Hudson River. I just didn't feel like davening about how bad I was this year and how I deserve forgiveness, when I feel that so many bad things have happened to me and I deserve a break next year.

I slept a lot. Generally sleeping more than usual on Rosh Hashana is discouraged, because it's said you'll then have a sleepy year. I'm hoping that I'll have less terminal insomnia this year. I'll probably sleep a lot on Yom Kippur, since I'm not allowed to go to shul while I'm fasting.

Not looking forward to the rest of the holidays, especially Simchat Torah. I guess going to Jerusha for the first days of Succot will be nice, because I'll see the kids.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

7 comments:

  1. Shana Tovah. Glad it was bearable.

    Every new Year brings new hope along with it. I pray this is a happier, and mellower, year for you.

    From your friend and fellow early riser!

    Riva

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  2. Nobody can tell you what's 'bad' and what's not. If the yomtov worked for you, it was a success. End of story.

    Funny aside - my coworker runs along the East River - yesterday afternoon he's trying to do his run, and over a stretch of 4 miles, he sees crowds and crowds of Jews. Blocking the bike paths, milling around, reading, tossing bread in the water... He made a mental note to ask me about it today.

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  3. Bad, bad, and bad. You used that word three times in a short piece. Hmmm...
    Around this time you might want to reconsider using that word. Yes, I know exactly what you mean. But there are better words.
    When you say "I know that's bad" about not hearing the shofar, you are labeling yourself unnecessarily. If you had a good reason for missing the shofar, then its not "bad" at all. If you didn't then you could also call it a "mistake" (which is the correct translation of "chet" in Hebrew, not "sin".)

    Similarly, you weren't "bad" this year, however, you may have made some mistakes you regret. We all do.

    And lastly the bad things that happened to you were all challenges, test, lessons, and things to help you grow.

    May the Almighty ease your challenges, and help you grow in amazing ways this year.

    PS "I just didn't feel like davening about how bad I was this year..." Remember that prayer can be very beneficial emotionally, as well as spiritually. It's an opportunity. You don't have to pray the words that are in the Machzor. You can make up your own words you want to say to the Almighty. Just say what's on your mind. The spiritual power of RH and YK are unbelievable. Just ask for whatever you want.

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  4. I've made a lot of mistakes, true, but a lot of bad things have happened to me. I don't like to categorize getting hit by a car as a "mistake." Similarly, chronic pain, losses, and breakages are bad.

    Every year I ask for the same thing: to be healthy and to get married. I don't feel like my prayers are answered, and I'm starting to doubt they're even listened to.

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  5. According the Arizal, "sleeping in" on Rosh Hashana is defined by failing to wake up before dawn...so in that case, EVERYONE'S bound to have a "sleepy" year...

    Shana Tova. A guten shluf.

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  6. "Every year I ask for the same thing: to be healthy and to get married. I don't feel like my prayers are answered, and I'm starting to doubt they're even listened to."

    Surprised to hear you say that with all the horrors and pain in this world, all around the globe, since the beginning of time. You either believe there is no one listening or you have to believe that sometimes god says "no."

    One of my teenage patients was shot and killed first night of RH. He left a 2 month old child behind. Thinking with a start to my New Year like that, its a good thing I am an atheist.

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  7. Ayelet, per an early posting (therapist vs rabbi), maybe you should go talk to your Rabbi, and before Yom Kippur? Maybe he can help reduce some of the turmoil in your soul. You seem so angry. I am sorry, and hope you feel happier soon.

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