Thursday, September 17, 2009

I meet Einstein's criteria

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." I must be insane, because I rejoined Frumster.

Two reasons. First, they were having a sale, and I can't resist a bargain. Usually the 3-month renewal rate is $14.95/month. The special now is for $9.95/month. I saved $15, which I'm realizing is really just the equivalent of one more month. Whatever...

The second reason I re-upped was that I got a message from someone I thought sounded promising when I looked at his profile. I saw that we'd corresponded but couldn't remember quite who he was.

What did he have to say?

With such a smile still single???!

I guess that's a compliment. How should I respond?

I know -- hard to believe ;) I guess I'm picky.

I was going for a casual, flirtatious air. I don't think it rang that way.

Dont be

he responded. Oops, I did it again! I scared off a guy! I went into damage control mode:

I think you have to be selective when you choose the person you're going to spend your life with. I don't think my standards are impossible or unrealistic, but you have to be with someone whose company you enjoy and whom you find attractive.

I waited. And waited. He read it. And didn't respond. Crap. I must have sounded prissy and defensive. Let me try to fix this...

I didn't mean to sound high-maintenance

Well, that must have mollified him, because he responded:

just wondering why a cutie such as you is still for grabs

He thinks I'm cute! Awesome! Sure, I'm not crazy about the "for grabs," but whatever. He thinks I'm cute!

I could tell you better in person ;)

Apparently I hit the right flirty note.

lets exchange numbers; i am going offline soon

I sent him my number. He sent me his. I sent back:

so call me sometime, shana tova

and he responded

definitely, shana tovah

Does that mean "definitely" or "probably not"? Because I looked back through my old messages, and discovered that he was the Frum Player. We corresponded in June, and I didn't hear anything from him until tonight. Almost three months.

So according to Einstein, yes, I am insane. I should probably just delete my Frumster membership. Stop me before I email again!
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. I just joined Frumster and have yet to pay for membership. Why? Because half of the guys who have looked my profile or have sent me a message are 15-33 years older than me and wayyyyyy more observant than me in terms of religiousness. It makes me want to pay just to e-mail a realty check to the 5'4 61-year old Shomer everything guy in NY who sent me, a 28 year old, traditional woman in Florida a message. I also noticed that there are like 10 guys with photos posted and maybe a tenth of the guys in my search are active members. Is it worth paying for the premium? Meh. Maybe there is better luck with J-date?

  2. Trust me, J-date is even worse. But I hear you about the inappropriate contacts ;)

  3. I know a few couples who have met their significant others on J-Date and I also had a LTR with someone I met on it years ago. But I get the impression, especially now, that J-Date is for 2-day a year Jews who are looking to boink someone of the same faith, without any strings attached, or for people who aren't Jewish but have a fetish for members of the tribe.

    And is it just me, or are Jewish men getting shorter? Seriously, I don't think I have seen anyone with a profile who states he is over 5'7.

  4. Amusing post.

  5. Agree with both of Marni's comments... sadly...

    I'm done with Frumster. Stop me if I act like I'm going to re-up.


  6. I don't think einstein actually said that, although a lot of people attribute it to him. It's a common phrase in AA meetings...

  7. For whatever it's worth, I met my husband (who is 5'9) on frumster.

    Yes, I got lots of weird emails. There are plenty of weirdos on the site, as there are in real life. Just ignore them and look for the handful of nice guys.

    I simply sent polite no-thank-yous to inappropriate guys (I never got into discussions with them - someone who approaches people who are so off-base is hardly going to hear anything, so just click the auto-response and forget about it.), didn't get into weird flirtations with men (someone on a site called FRUMster looking to hook up, who makes more-than-vague comments about a woman's appearance, or who makes any reference to sex is probably off, no?), and went out with only a handful of men. I was on for years, and-finally-found a great guy.

    You can't go back and forth with memberships, re-upping because of one e-mail (how much is that setting yourself up for frustration?), and flirt with every weirdo on the site (there are lots on every site, just like in real life, and also some really nice guys), and expect it to work out.

    It's just hishtadlus.

  8. Albert Einstein, to the best of my knowledge, did not ever say that

    I consider myself an expert on Einstein, but I am always willing to learn something new.

    Ayelet if you can provide verifiable evidence to the contrary, it would be much appreciated.

  9. The quote is widely attributed to Einstein, but it's very possible he never said it. Regardless, I meet the criteria ;)