Saturday, September 05, 2009

Lose the faith

The Long Island matchmaker set me up with this guy named Sam, who's 44 and lives in Long Island. She's kind of a control freak: she sets up the date, doesn't give you a picture of the person, and won't let you talk on the phone until you meet in person on the first date.

So I didn't realize Sam was a creepy weirdo I met a while back on Frumster until... today. Somehow everything fell into place. And I was supposed to go out with him tomorrow.

I called and emailed the matchmaker frantically tonight. It would not be the first time a creepy guy tried to get set up with me behind my back, knowing I would say no if he asked me directly. DYS, back me up here. You're witness to at least one such encounter. It also happened with the only guy Adam Hashakran ever tried to set me up with.

She called me back to say there was nothing she could do, since she's out for the evening.

"Why didn't you realize this sooner?" she asked.

"I was on vacation, I didn't have a photo of him, and I didn't speak with him on the phone," I said. "I'll have to call him and try to figure this out."

"You realize I'll never set you up again after this," she said.

"That's just fine," I said, and hung up. She called back.

"Were we disconnected?" she asked.

"No," I said. "You said you were unwilling to set me up again because I refuse to go out with this guy. I said that was fine and I hung up."

"He didn't seem like a kook to me when I met him," she said.

"Look," I said. "He and I met through Frumster. We had a very weird and unpleasant phone conversation. Then I said I wasn't interested in meeting him. After that, he made a number of nasty comments on my postings in the Frumster forum. I'm not interested in him." She still wasn't convinced, and I hung up on her again.

I'm not interested in her, either, or her lack of matchmaking skills. If you ever hear about Keep the Fa1th matchmaking, I suggest you not waste your time. I don't care if she never sets me up. And I am NEVER going on another blind date without at least a photo and a brief phone conversation.

I'm about ready to give up on matchmakers. When I met with Gila, she promised me a cute and interesting 43-year-old guy. Instead, she sent me a 49-year-old who apparently has no hobbies, interests or social life. I'm not interested.

Shabbat actually was a lot of fun, though. I went on a potluck picnic with a bunch of friends, then Miriam and I went to watch the disco dancer-skaters strut their stuff. One of them rode a truly pimped out enormous tricycle, lavished with plush -- kind of like a rickshaw. We dubbed it "the pimpshaw."

Then we heard acoustic guitar. I love acoustic guitar. So we ambled over to where a shirtless guy was regaling a bunch of people with what seemed to be original material.

One song ran, "Will any woman in this park go out with me? / I'll hold you in the moonlight and treat you tenderly... Will any woman in this park give me a kiss?..." etc. As he finished that song, I felt a glint congeal in my eye. There was a respectable amount of applause, and I started down the hill, listening to anticipatory comments and laughter.

"This next song..." he said, strumming a few chords. Then he noticed me walking toward him. He broke off speaking and grinned.

"Hello?" he said eagerly. I dramatically whipped off my big Paris Hilton sunglasses. He stopped strumming the guitar. When I got close, I reached out with both hands, pulled his face to me and kissed him -- to riotous applause. I pulled back, smiled at him, turned, waved to the crowd, and strolled back to Miriam, who was doubled over laughing.

"What... was I saying?" the singer stammered, fumbling with his guitar. Yeah, I still got it.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. "That's just fine," I said, and hung up. She called back.

    "Were we disconnected?" she asked."- Hahaha. Only shadchanim! (not that I've ever talked to one).

  2. Just keep in mind....the more favorably you judge others, the more favorably others will judge you. What goes around, comes around.

  3. Anon, how am I supposed to favorably judge a guy who can't take rejection gracefully, and then makes nasty comments about me in a public forum?

  4. For the record, it was the same guy. He called me back, and when I reminded him gently (I didn't say "You're the creepy weirdo who had all those inappropriate comments on my Forum posts"), he remembered that we'd met through Frumster, but thought we'd been set up now through some other way -- not through Keep the Fa1th. Whatever.

  5. Ahhhhhhhhhh classy! Love the kiss, love the kiss-off! Big ups to you, and that shadchanit was an idiot...


  6. DYS, back me up here. You're witness to at least one such encounter.

    I think I remember that. Didn't he approach me to get set up with you after you rejected him, or something like that?

    I do remember a lot of creepy guys trying to get with you and not taking no for an answer.

  7. DYS, after I went out with this guy (and couldn't abide him), I re-met him on another dating site. When we spoke on the phone he sounded unpleasantly familiar, and he mentioned that he knew you. I called you, and you told me that he said to you that he and I should go out again, because maybe I wouldn't remember I'd already rejected him.

    What is WRONG with these guys???

  8. Yasher Koach.

    Need to sleep now...just got home & a very early morning to come. Will call soon. Be well. :D