Thursday, September 10, 2009

Should I re-up just to talk to him?

Got an email message from Frumster, the dating website I love to hate:

Hi Ayelet,

I really wanted to email you after coming across your profile but since you are still a Basic member, I was asked to first send you this introductory request.

My name is Benjamin and I am a 32 year old Yeshivish Modern guy from Boca Raton, FL where I work as an attorney. My hobbies include: racquetball, reading, long walks, movies, exercise, traveling. If you also become a Premium member, I would be happy to communicate with you.


Curious, I looked at his profile.

Grew up in: Long Island, Florida
Consider relocation? Yes
Wishing to make aliyah to Israel? No
Jewish Education: yeshiva/seminary
Languages Spoken: English
Political Beliefs: middle of the road

Height: 188 cm/6' 2"
Build: average
Do you smoke?: no

Frequency of Torah Study: daily
Frequency of Tefilah: daily
Kippa: black velvet kippa
Tzitzit: always

What Yeshivish Modern means to me: I'm a Torah observant baal teshuva looking to grow.

This is how I describe myself: I'm constantly working on building my connection with G-d. I come from a completely non-observant background. I consider myself a truth seeker, and that is how I became more religious. I consider myself low key, sweet. and funny. I tend to be quiet in large groups, but very talkative in small groups. I enjoy deep one on one conversations. One day I'd like to own an ice cream store.

This is what I am looking for in a mate: Someone who is ok with the fact that I'm still growing in observance. Somebody who is sweet and who has a good sense of humor. A person with good character and good manners. Also, I can be quiet in large groups. Therefore, I am looking for someone who doesn't need an outgoing guy at all times.

On the plus side, Benjamin is tall, cute, athletic, and articulate, likes ice cream, and appears to be intelligent, easygoing and sincere. (And is 7 years younger than I am, which, if nothing else, strokes my ego.)

But... Yeshivish Modern -- and still growing? I'm certainly not near Yeshivish Modern. I don't even think I'm all that close to Modern Orthodox Machmir. I don't know if I could get to where Benjamin is, or if I could keep up with him. Or if Benjanim would be able to accept me, with all of my drama, my temper, my moods, my semi-wild past, and my unconventional career.

(Also, why are men in the tri-state area wholly immune to my charms, whereas men in Ohio, Germany, and Florida find me irresistible?)

So I'm leaving it up to you, readers. Should I drop another $19.95 on the off chance that a sweet 32-year-old Yeshivish Modern attorney in Florida could be my soul mate? TikkunOlam, does he have a personality disorder? ;)
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. oy vey :)
    i think that guy messaged me on frumster too

  2. I'll sponsor $5 of that 19.95. Go for it.

  3. small world, Tziporah ;) What was your reason for rejecting or ignoring him, if you don't mind me asking?

    MS-W: I cannot accept any sponsorship; this is something I have to do myself. But I'm definitely coming for Simchat Beit HaShoeva, and for Shabbos after the chagim are over. (I am so looking forward to the chagim being over...)

  4. He sounds nice, he does not sound like he's for you, but if you aren't going to feel disgruntled after spending the money,then do it, it isn't that much.


  5. yes small world.
    he just emailed me the same time he emailed you and i told him I would chat with him later.
    I too have no idea if we are suited..but the oy vey was because apparently guys send out a bunch of messages at a time and if he sent a message to you and me did he send a message to 3 others....some times i feel like its a big waste of time

  6. Don't do it. Remember how frustrated you were list time you re-upped?

    My advice remains the same as a couple of months ago. Even if it's an extra $40 a month, just stay active on frumster & jdate so you don't have to go through this dilemma every time. So only do it now if you're intending to keep your membership active from now on.

    Good luck!

  7. waste of time

  8. to me it sounds like this dude is totally an employee of frumster who is trying to get more people to sign up. Or some kind of bot set up by them to get more people to pay for memberships. He was "asked" to send you an introductory email that asks you to become a premium member? And especially the fact that another commenter here got a similar email...Sounds very fishy to me.

  9. IMO, as a general rule, follow advice offered by DYS.

    As for whether he has a personality disorder, hmmm, not enough info (not that there aren't plenty of very loveable ppl with personality disorders - as long as they are not of the narcissistic or antisocial kind). But I do think he sounds quite young, even for 32. Seems like he is still finding himself whereas it seems that you are well beyond that in your life. Sounds like a sweet guy though.

  10. Once again I agree with DYS--about membership and this guy. Doesn't sound like he's for you.

  11. Agree with DYS & Riva. "Ice cream" shop?

  12. What's wrong with ice cream shop? That didn't bother me at all. I'm more bothered by the Yeshivish Modern and the fact that he lives in Florida, which I hate (except for the Keys and the Everglades, I hate that state).

  13. Last things first -

    Florida isn't all bad. Miami Beach (AKA Boro Park South) has some charms :)

    Ice cream is goooood.

    I agree with DYS, though, that this guy's note sounded suspiciously like a Frumster solicitation. I got IMed a few days ago by a girl who found me charming and funny, loled at everything I wrote, and then invited me to click over to a pay site to see her photos.

    I would be surprised if a 'frum' site were employing these kinds of tactics, but hey, the economy's in a slump, right? What's $19.95?

    So-let's say the guy is really real. Still not enough reason to re-up, in my humble opinion. He davens and learns every day?! Waaay too frum for me. :)

  14. IMO, as a general rule, follow advice offered by DYS.

    Wow, TO, that's quite an endorsement. OK. Everyone, here's some sound advice you must follow. Send me $100!

    (These aren't the droids you're looking for)

  15. Don't let it go to your head, DYS ;)