Thursday, September 24, 2009

So I wrote to a 47yo...

According to my rabbi friend, that's much closer to a realistic age for me to be aiming at. This guy lives in Washington, D.C., so I'll call him DC-47:

This is how I describe myself: Funny, clever, often brilliant, bold, adventurous, silly, capricious, sweet, romantic, occasionally aloof. I do the NY times crossword puzzle in pen.

I often wish I'd done it in pencil. I love dogs and nature. I am allergic to cats.

I reserve my bad temper for bad golf shots and racquetball. I love my family. I am a bourbon kind of guy. I trust too much. I don't trust enough. I hate olives, cream soda and sweet kugel. I love Philadelphia sports. I think TV was so much better in the 80's so was music and movies. There is never a bad time to learn something new. Politically hard right. Zionist but not a lover of Israeli politics.


He's revised his "what I'm looking for" so it's being reviewed (and hence unavailable), but one of the things he did not want was someone with a bad temper who gets mean. I have a temper, but I don't think I get mean. So I wrote to DC-47.

Subject: I hate olives too

And I like bourbon.

Thought that was just enough to intrigue him. It was. And then some.

fine... meet me at the chuppah... I'll be the guy in the tux

I'm going to assume he's exaggerating slightly.

not so fast ;) I do get mad, but I don't get mean. I'm a very passionate person. Maybe we should talk?

People usually talk before they get married, unless they are very chassidish.

that's good... mean is out! 202 xxx-xxxx

I'm not going to call him. Before I could tell him that, he sent me this:

I can recite most of When Harry Met Sally

I don't know why that's relevant, but I'll play along.

And I'm gonna be 40!

When?

Someday!

In EIGHT YEARS!

I can too. 212-xxx-xxxx

Some men would take that as an invitation to call. Not DC-47.

and its not the same for men...charlie chaplin had children when he was 70...yeah but he was too old to pick them up

That is... weird. And I probably shouldn't say this, but...

Actually, children born to men over a certain age have a much higher risk of schizophrenia, autism, and many other disabilities.

(You can tell I'm already starting to discount him as a possibility.)

too bad for me..I was hoping to still have one... sigh....

Well, I don't want to scare him off completely.

You still have time. It's the people like Tony Bennett who aren't doing their kids any favors.

And if you want to have kids, why haven't you called me yet? ;)

What's his snappy comeback to my snarky question?

A) don't have your number
B) I assume I would be a high risk to create a schizophrenic child who can count cards into an eight deck shoe

I gave you my phone number, doofus!

thought I sent it to you -- 212-xxx-xxxx

there are worse things than a kid who can count cards

I'm starting to view this conversation as rather unproductive and tangential. I hope his response will be more meaningful.

I disagree...I only want to have kids to exploit them for financial gain

What?

? Kids are not a good financial investment these days. They cost MUCH more than they bring in.

Who has conversations like this? It's already beyond ridiculous. Will he say ever say something halfway serious and slightly meaningful?

you could sell their body parts to rich arab shieks

Apparently not. I'm really starting to think I'm wasting my time.

okay, I'm starting to not take you seriously....

That means get your act together, dude. Man up. Step up. Wise up.

oh no.... not that

Apparently he took it to mean "act up." I realize I'm just sitting at home, but this is just a waste of time.

this is degenerating into mere silliness...

if you want to call me, you have my # :)

shabbat shalom, tzum kal

I thought that struck the right note of levity and gravity.

really?? you think we shouldn't have a nice session of benign coquettishness? I demurr... Fact is... this is a rather odd way for people to meet... but I like it.... I'm sorry you feel it has degenerated into some fatuous display of wits... very well... shabbat shalom

I didn't respond. "If this is 47," I thought, "forget 47. Feh." Although he did send me one last message:

well... you still have great hair and a great smile and look smoking in a red dress

I thanked him. But if he wants me, he has to call me at this point. And I'm ignoring the 50-year-old and 61-year-old (!!!!) that clicked on my profile today.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

4 comments:

  1. This guy is fun. What is your problem?

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  2. I guess the Arrogant Jerk was right, and I am too uptight and unspontaneous ;)

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  3. "When asked what he thought of Jews marrying non-Jews, which, of course, had been the case with him and Mileva, [Albert Einstein] replied with a laugh, 'It's dangerous, but then all marriages are dangerous.'"—D. Brian, The Unexpected Einstein: The Real Man Behind the Icon, Wiley, Hoboken, New Jersey, (2005), p. 42.

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  4. He sounds ok, somewhat of a joker, but you are being a little too serious. Go with the flow, girl!

    --S

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