Friday, October 09, 2009

How honesty is rewarded

I had mentioned to SOS that if he's not right for me, I have cute, single, modern orthodox girlfriends I might be able to set him up wtih. Got an email from him at 8:56 a.m.

I have an idea: You can have one -- or more -- of your cute, single Modern Orthodox friends join us for coffee on 10/24/09! I mean, why wait -- right? We've spent an hour on the phone, and you know what I look like -- so you can judiciously choose whom to invite. ;-)

Not sure how to respond to this. I did not offer to be his pimp. I almost don't want to meet him at all. Given how annoyed I feel, I'm going to write back after Simchat Torah.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. Girl, I told you, you wouldn't be happy fobbing him off on other women. That's not the honesty part. That's the shooting self in foot part.


  2. This guy just unwittngly did you a HUGE favor: he reavealed what kind of character he has [or, more accurately, doesn't].

    At most, you can maintain your offer to set him up, but you should tell him that doing so as part of a "double date" is now out of the question. Don't worry about being a "pimp"; the problem is his, not yours.

    [If you can subtly convey to him his lack of porper boundaries, that's a bonus. But since he probably won't get the hint, don;t bother.]

  3. I thibk you are missing the nuance of tone here.

    I think he is being sarcastic!

    Let it sit until after yomtov and ask him if he was being serious.

  4. Ayelet, dear. As you may already know, when you are applying for a job, you never mention the possibility that you aren't going to get the job. If you were applying, you wouldn't say, "If I don't get the job, maybe I could fit in somewhere else in your company." Surely you wouldn't say, "if you don't want to hire me, I have a friend who is more qualified." You bruised the relationship before he responded, in hurt, I guess to your cue.

  5. Hate to say, but I agree with S. But I also agree with TOC.

    Seems like this guy wants to play The Dating Game: "Bachelorette # 1, if I was flying in to New York, would you be willing to have a 3-way date?"

  6. Of course, it could also be SOS's latent annoyance coming to the surface after learning you were seeing someone else even though he said it was ok. He might have wanted to piss you off.

  7. I think (hard to know with e-mail) his reply was an attempt at good-natured humor. I'm fairly certain he's not asking you to help pimp him out.

    Frankly, he's taking it pretty well. If he still wants to meet you, meet him. And if you have a friend that might be a good match, you might want to introduce them to each other (via phone or e-mail).

  8. Karma's a bitch.
    Just eat it and move on :)

  9. I also read his comment as sarcastic and funny, but he's making a point.

    I can't believe you said to him that you'll keep him in mind for your friends before you've even met him.

    Are you totally bonkers? Have you actually put yourself in his shoes at all? I understand you feel uncomfortable about him spending time money effort to come see you and you are dating someone else. sort of. But personally I think that's one of the things you never ever say to someone before meeting them.

  10. Sigh. I feel very damned-if-I-do/damned-if-I-don't.

  11. I think he was being glib - and perhaps expressing some irritation in a relatively healthy, if passive-aggressive way.

    I think you should still have coffee with him. Just the two of you. And see if he's a good prospect either for you or for your friend.

    Don't be annoyed!

    Gutt shabbos, gutt yomtov!

  12. He was kidding. But letting you know he wasn't a pushover either.

  13. Seems to me, between the last blog post and this one, this guy has no idea where he stands. I don't know where he stands. Are you still going to meet him with an open mind? Has he been relegated to "friend" category because you and JV are already together? Is he coming in now to have "coffee" with a woman to meet a new "friend" in person. I imagine he was originally coming because he was interested. He wouldn't be coming just to make a new friend. If I were him I would feel disappointed and rejected, that, and a person with a plane ticket. Don't think your offer to hook him up with others felt very good to him. I remember when a guy I was into in college offered to set me up with someone else. Yuck!

  14. You're probably right, TO, but I don't know what else I should have done, or what I should do now.

  15. I think you were right to do what you did. And I think you should continue to be honest, taking both men's egos into account (men have fragile egos you know, they are just better at hiding it).

    People get hurt with regards to affairs of the heart. You know that as well as anyone.