Monday, October 05, 2009

Where should we go for dinner?

My sister is a pain in the neck. Literally. I realized that every time I visit, I have a flareup of some kind of chronic pain. Partly to blame was my niece Malka, who likes me to sleep in her room.

In her bed, actually. She has a double bed, but she's a bed hog. I woke up the first morning curled up on one tiny portion of the mattress, and with a crick in my shoulder; during the day the muscle spasms just kept moving south until my lower back ached as well. (My lower back hasn't hurt since I slipped and fell in the cruise ship shower.) I felt better if I kept walking, but then my knees would start hurting.

"Why do you get sick every time you come here, Aunt Ayelet?" Malka asked. "Do we wear you out?" It broke my heart. I didn't want to tell her that being around Jerusha is extremely stressful for me. Because nothing I do is good enough for her, and everything I do or say she finds annoying or silly.

Although I finally realized that Jerusha is depressed, and maybe has been for a long time. Possibly her entire life. Usually women experience depression with internalizing symptoms, like guilt and sadness. Men, in contrast, usually externalize -- lashing out with anger and bitterness at those around them. Sound familiar?

I've been taking ibuprofin around the clock. It's not helping much. I'm hoping going back to work will at least distract me from the discomfort. I am almost out of prescription muscle relaxants, and I don't want to take one now or I'll never be able to wake up. So... I'm blogging.

JV and I spoke on the phone and made plans to have dinner Tuesday night.

"I want you to pick the restaurant," I said. "You don't like kosher restaurants. You resent paying $15 for a plate of pasta in a dairy restaurant. I don't want to feel like you're being cheated or whatever. I want you to pick a restaurant you'll be happy with."

"I'll be happy no matter where we go," said JV. "Don't worry about any of that. We can go to Prime Grill if you want." Proving he really has read the whole blog.

So, dear readers, where should he take me for dinner Tuesday night? (Anywhere but Prime Grill.)
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. Yes women types tend to project negative feelings inside and male types tend to project them outside. Both strategies harm the person and the people in contact with them. An alternative strategy is to begin to accept negative feelings. This allows them to flow through you and leave. Teachings of parents against feelings of hate, anger, and criticism produced people numb and dumb to real feelings. I showed this to a friend over lunch, how he could accept his hate, and he giggled and shivered and told me he felt heat leaving his head. If you accept hate, then the hate leaves. If you suppress (depress) or express (blog)it, it grows inside or outside :)

  2. Yes, life is often one pain after another and accepting pain and that includes negative emotions and being aware of the absence of pain or a negative emotion increases the quality of life. At the same time doing so is difficult.

  3. Um ok that was just WEIRD.

    Giggled and shivered?