Sunday, February 07, 2010

The ex-wife strikes back

Last night I went out to dinner with JV, his parents, his kids, his sister, and her boyfriend to celebrate his parents' 40th anniversary. When I got home, there was an interesting email in my Facebook inbox from a guy named Yossi:

how come everyone thinks you are a lesbian bitch

Bitch I kind of understand -- but lesbian? I have nothing against lesbians. I even tried to become one by watching every episode of "The L Word," but it didn't work.

who thinks that?

I asked him. I didn't bother asking who he was or how he knew me -- the modern orthodox community is a famously gossipy place, so I can believe my name has been bandied around in my absence, by people who know me little or not at all.

it came up today at the shabas meal

I guess loshon hora was on the menu between the gefilte fish and the cholent. But who was saying it?

which Shabbos meal?

I asked. He wouldn't tell me.

rather not say. but she said that for a while you were involved with a hindy kopppel though i dont know who that is

Hindy Koppel is a friend of mine. Very sweet girl. Not a lesbian. And who could "she" possibly be? Then it hit me...

Well, if you won't tell me who said it, then I can't tell you why she said it. Hindy Koppel is a friend of mine but we were never lovers. Was it Mara Dreck?

It sure was. Surprised the heck out of him:

how did you know, the truth

The truth? Ah, who has time to read an email that long about how sick Mara is, how she must have heard from her children that Daddy has a new friend named Ayelet and they like spending time with her. I'll skip that part.

Mara hates me.

I thought that covered it. He tries to back-pedal:

well it came up in a conversation about closeted gays and lesbians. Mara may not have said it, but she was at the meal. The conversation wasnt about you, but that you are in the closet was mentioned, and that hindy was a past lover

Of course Mara said it. I didn't realize she knew I knew Hindy -- maybe someone else knows we're friends and decided to put 0 + 0 together to make 4. I decided to hit back:

Mara was always jealous of me because I went out with her ex-husband in college, and he loved me more than he ever loved her. And now he and I are back together, and she can't stand it. So she'll say anything to try to make me look bad, since she couldn't win his love and I did.

Feel free to share this with Mara.

I had assumed the meal took place in Brooklyn.

Im not saying that she was the one that said it. I don't remember specifically who said it. but she was at the meal. and no one seemed surprised that you were lesbian so it seemed like its known on the UWS

Maybe Mara went to the UWS for Shabbat instead. But I can't think of anyone on the UWS who thinks I'm a lesbian -- unless it's because I'm still single and I don't date many guys who live on the West Side.

well, I don't know who else was at the meal who hates me enough to try to start a stupid rumor like that ;) and since you refuse to tell me who else was there, all I can say is it's not true

I called JV, who was initially both enraged and amused. He had thought that when she found out about us -- most likely from her kids, since he wasn't going to say anything -- she would say something along the lines of, "She's welcome to him -- he's a rotten husband." I told him she'd still be jealous of me and resentful. And I was right.

He let me gloat for a bit before giving me something to worry about: that Mara could conceivably try to mess with the kids about me -- telling them I'm a bad person or that JV will love me more than he loves them. That freaked me out. I don't want them getting hurt by this.

"I don't think they'll believe anything she says about you," said JV. "It won't match their own impression of you, or how my family and I act toward you." So far, the kids like me, especially Malchick 1, who shared a cookie with me when I said I was too full to have one.

"I'll give you a little piece, so you can taste it," he said. We'd gone to JV's grandmother's apartment after dinner so JV could give her a new remote control, and she brought out a tin of cookies even though we'd just had a 4-course fancy French meal.

Malchick 2 likes me, too, but not as much. Which is fine. We're all getting along. And Mara can't stand it.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. Ayelet, nobody who knows you on the UWS thinks you're a lesbian! Rest assured.

  2. Ah, from some people, hate is such a good thing.

    Let it ride.
    She doesn't matter.


  3. wow is his ex wife a teenager? Cause that is soo high school...

  4. Ayelet,

    I've known you for a long time. I can't imagine anyone knowing you at all can ever think you're a lesbian (not that there would be anything wrong with it if you were).

  5. Thanks, everyone...

    FTT, you don't know how the west side has degenerated since you got married ;)

    S., you're absolutely right -- I don't care what she thinks of me, I'm just worried about the kids

    AE, his ex-wife has the emotional maturity of a 3-year-old

    RBBC, thank you -- and do I know you IRL?

  6. Ayelet,

    Sorry - I posted my name change on my blog, but I guess you didn't see it - I'm DYS.

  7. Well from a halachic standpoint you should not beleive anything anyone tells you that someone else said about you. Maybe Yossi wants to start trouble? Maybe he misrepresented what was said? If he's a rechilus-spreader he could also be a liar. On the other hand, now that you have a thought in your head about JV's ex, you are allowed to be cautious. But based on the blog it sounds like you beleive she said these things and you are responding with animosity and belittling her. That just doesn't sound right. Even if its true, you have the choice to rise above it or wallow in the muck and mire with her. Which would you rather do?

  8. Anonymous, I don't believe she said that because of Yossi -- I believe it because of what JV has told me about her. He is a reliable source, even though he's her ex. He's told me too many things she's said and done to be inventing them himself -- remember, I deal with liars every day, and I'm pretty good at catching them in their own inconsistencies ;)

    I'm not wallowing in anything with Mara. Honestly, I don't care how she disparages me. But I am concerned about what she says to the children, because they've been hurt enough in this process. It's very sad that she can't try to do what's best for them instead of what most feeds her inner viciousness.

  9. Dreck?! LOLLLL Good name!

  10. we all need skin of an elephant not to be hurt from other people
    ive worked for over 29 months as an operator for a cell phone company in israel(i dont like the company)
    after one week of taking about 60 calls aday i forgot names and stories like he /she said this or that. they could talk you do what you got to do

  11. very true, ari! and thanks for reading and commenting

    fortunately, JV thinks the rumor is hilarious because it's so obviously not true... and also thinks his kids are smart enough to not believe anything bad Mara says about me