Thursday, February 04, 2010

"I assume THAT belongs to you?"

On Monday night JV and I paid a shiva call on my college friend Shara, who lives in Long Island. She recently lost her father. I took the LIRR to Hicksville, met JV on the platform, and after a few false stops (first JV's memory of the address was wrong, then GPS directed us to the house across the street), we arrived just in time for ma'ariv.

"Ayelet, JV, thank you for coming! We didn't have a minyan, you're just in time," said Shara, hugging me. So JV and I davened with them. I hadn't prayed formally since visiting JV's synagogue more than a month ago, so it was high time.

After davening JV and I went to be introduced to Shara's mother and offer our condolences.

"Mom, this is Ayelet," said Shara. "We went to college together."

"I remember your name," said Mrs. Shara. She looked at me, then JV, then raised an eyebrow. "I assume that belongs to you?" she asked me, pointing at him. She's Israeli, so I shouldn't have been surprised by her bluntness.

I was kind of afraid to answer. "Yes," said JV, who seemed amused.

Other friends of Mrs. Shara arrived, and JV and I started chatting to Shara's cousin Yenta. Yenta is also a clinical social worker, so we talked shop for a few minutes; then she wanted to know all about my religious status.

It's interesting. Shara has been dating a guy, Devin, she met on SawyouatSinai. He's modern orthodox, although he wasn't raised as such. Shara was raised Conservative, as I was and where JV currently stands. I would have suggested that we trade boyfriends, but my boyfriend is much younger and cuter than Shara's. And his kids are younger; Devin has a 12-year-old daughter. Eek.

But Yenta kept pestering me to talk about how I became religious. I tried to refocus the conversation on her and her husband; they grew religiously after they got married, although at different paces. I didn't want to admit that I'm no longer 100% shomer shabbat.

Fortunately, Shara suggested I tell Yenta the story of how JV and I met, broke up, met again, and got back together, which distracted her wonderfully. JV loves to hear and watch me tell the story, because every time he rolls his eyes, I have to add more detail.

"So we dated for a few months and broke up..." I started. JV rolled his eyes.

"Okay, I broke up with him on the phone because he was madly in love with me and just too annoying," I added. JV nodded. Even though Shara knows the story, she loves hearing it. She and Yenta were delighted with my recounting.

"So then last July I saw his name on Facebook, commenting on a friend's page, and I friended him..." You readers know the story. I thought it was kind of obvious that we'd only been dating a few months, but Yenta asked, "So when did you two get married?"

"We're not married!" I made sure to say very quickly. JV chuckled. It was getting late, and I kind of wanted to leave. I hadn't seen JV in more than a week and I wanted time alone with him. Although I have to say, it was nice paying a shiva call as half of a couple. I don't think I've ever done that before.

We went into the living room to say goodbye to Mrs. Shara, and somehow I wound up also telling her the story of Ayelet and JV. Which she loved.

"And now how long are you married?" she asked. What is with these people? I realize they're in mourning, but we only got back together four months ago!

"We're not married!" I said, even more quickly than before. "We're just dating." JV's shoulders shook as he held in the guffaws.

"Well, I think it was meant to be," said Mrs. Shara.

"From your mouth to Gd's ears," I said.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. This was a cute post! I enjoyed it.


  2. I think you should rename it "So How Long Are You Married?"

  3. good one, CA ;) and thanks for reading, S. ;)