Sunday, June 27, 2010


Today we visited two wedding venues. One, a conservadox synagogue, is definitely out; it's both tacky and overpriced, and the executive director acted like he'd be doing us a favor if he let us get married there. The other setting, a country club, was lovely and probably within our budget.

But of course we can't decide anything yet, because the engagement isn't official.

JV's parents, who live in Manhattan, wanted him to pick them up some giant vats of cottage cheese at Costco. He also had to set up their new computer. So he drove into the city tonight to deliver the cheese and computer, and to ask for their blessing to marry me.

That was more than 2 hours ago. And I don't know what's been said, or how they reacted. He couldn't predict it.

"What if they tell you not to marry me?" I asked tearfully.

He frowned, thinking. "I'm not a child," he said.

A good friend, who happens to be a psychologist, wrote to me a week ago:

I realize at a point many years ago that you were in very bad shape and hospitalized, but is any of that recent? I am always functional and perfectly stable as long as I don't mess with my meds (I did in effort to help my endocrine problems but whoa, depression big time and now on my way back to old meds), I never felt it was anyone's business. I certainly don't want to discuss my mental health with my in-laws. I don't like my MIL all that much as it is.

You are a successful, intelligent, social, active woman. The fact that you have to be under psychiatric care does not change that. If it does for his parents it would be out of ignorance and if that conversation doesn't need to be had, why have it? Is it their business? You have waited a long time to be this happy, do you want to set yourself up to be hurt here? There is no "approval" needed.

Anyway, you know better than me of course, what is right for you. I just thought I'd ask the question out loud in case you felt the option of it being none of their business was feasible.

I sent this to JV. I hope he emphasizes my current functioning, and not my past. But will that matter? His parents were raised in the Soviet Union, which wasn't exactly an understanding place where mental illness was concerned. And JV is very close (although not unhealthily so) to his parents. Their approval does matter, even though he's not a child.
Why hasn't he called me? How long can this conversation take? If the answer were "yes, you have our blessing," I'm sure he would have called me. He must be driving home to deliver the bad news...
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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