Wednesday, June 16, 2010

We have a date, but not a ring

November 21, 2010.

It's the Sunday before Thanksgiving. It's also JV's father's birthday, but that's not why we chose it. I thought he needed more time than October, and we can take just 3 vacation days and still have the whole week off. I hope out-of-towners won't be annoyed or offended by the timing -- if they were planning to see family that week, they might as well see them Sunday as Thursday.

I'd been hoping to get married in October, but was feeling stressed about not having enough time to plan. As it is, I'm behind on almost everything, according to the wedding checklists I've been downloading. JV still hasn't spoken to his children about it. They've noticed that I'm around a lot these days, and don't seem to mind, but he hasn't had the conversation with them.

Or with his parents, who still don't know I have bipolar disorder, and probably should. Not sure when he'll talk to them about it. He hasn't told his sister, Svetlana, or his best friend, Dima; I don't think he needs to. But he needs to tell his parents.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. Two things -
    1) A wedding can be planned quickly if need be. Don't drive yourself crazy. You have five months - that's plenty of time and try to just relax and enjoy what you can of it. If possible, delegate out the details that you don't care about. And remember, the wedding is a few hours, the marriage is the rest of your life.

    2) I'm not sure he needs to tell his parents that you are bipolar. Why is it so important that he does? It's my strong belief that the less parents know of what is going on, the better, especially when it is anything that can be used against you.

    Try to enjoy your engagement! Make sure you still take time for dates. And as much as the wedding is YOUR day, make sure to realize that it is NOT the most important thing about getting married.

  2. So glad you set the date! Woohoo!!!! Let me know how I can help.

    Don't stress about planning. Your wedding only needs to be as elaborate as you want it to be. If you keep it small and simple you have plenty of time. But if moving it a month makes you less anxious, move away. Nothing wrong w/the Sunday before Thanksgiving. (The Sunday after would be a different story.)

    Who are Svetlana and Dima? Hard to keep up with all the pseudonyms. And why do his parents need to know you are bipolar? You aren't living with them.

    But he needs to talk to his kids. Didn't you say he was going to do it after his son's birthday?

    Again, happy to assist in any way I can. I am so happy for you!

  3. JV is very close with his parents. He doesn't make any major decision without consulting them. I'm not saying he always does exactly what they say, but he does consult them. If the roles were reversed, I don't know if I'd tell my mother, but we have a different relationship. Dima and Svetlana are JV's best friend and sister, and they don't need to know.

    And yes, he totally needs to tell his kids. That's what is stressing me the most. I'm looking at houses with him. I'm calling reception venues and booking appointments to view their facilities. But we're "not" engaged. I don't even care that I don't have the ring yet -- I just want it to be official already!!!

  4. Ayelet,

    You are 100% right to be frustrated. Tell him that you cannot look at any more houses or call venues until he makes it official. You have waited long enough. He needs to talk to his family NOW, before the end of the month. It's not fair to you, or your relationship.

    Good luck; call me if you need to chew this over further. I am sure all will be resolved soon!

  5. FTT, in theory I love that idea. In practice, I don't know how well it would work. We have appointments to see houses this Sunday and Thursday 6/24, and venues 6/27. I can't just back out now.

    What annoys me is that it SHOULD be official already, he's treating it as official with me, but not with everyone else.

  6. He doesn't need to tell his parents; they may never need to know. The thought that he needs to tell his parents and the possible anxiety about doing so may be the reason that he hasn't made it public. His children somehow deep inside know that marriage is in the works. It will not likely come as a much of a surprise.