Friday, July 02, 2010

That's what I get for tempting fate

JV spoke with his children about me on Wednesday night, asking them what they think about me.

"She spends too much time here," complained M1.

M2 agreed. "Maybe she could come every other Shabbos."

"What if we got married?" asked JV. "Then she would live here with us."

"Okay," said M2.

M1 buried his face in a pillow and refused to talk. And JV freaked out. He doesn't know what to do. It's one thing if his parents don't want him to marry me; he's an adult, he doesn't need their approval. But if his kids are dead-set against it, that's a different matter.

I suppose this is what I get for starting to plan and talk about the wedding before it was official. Now it looks like it won't happen.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. As I wrote on FB this is absurd. JV should tell his son this is how it has to be, Ayelet makes me happy. I know he's being sensitive but M1 will adjust. He knows you already.

  2. Did JV actually say that or are you projecting that this is what the situation means?

    I am not sure how old M1 and M2 are, or what the living situation is, but I can imagine that the crying isn't so much about you, but maybe about the realization that "mommy and daddy will never get back together again." Kids are usually pretty intuitive...

    Maybe JV can explain the situation to them in a way that is sort of along the lines of, Ayelet loves our family so much that she wants to be a part of it, and that M1 and M2 are so lucky to have so many people in their lives who love them and want to be around them....

    I think JV needs to broach the subject of marriage to you differently to his kids than he did to his parents...

  3. So his kids, based on their initial reaction without giving them some time to think about it at all, get a veto over their father's life? I agree that the kids reactions are important. But JV should at least ask them to think it over and explain how much he loves you to them.

    Kids react strongly. That doesn't mean this is their final conclusion. And it seems strange that JV is accepting that reaction as some sort of judgement written in stone.

  4. It takes time for anyone to accept change, children and adults. Malchik 1 is taking it hard. JV got a lot of feedback in a short period of time. He needs to calm down. Please don't be superstitious about planning ahead. It was the natural thing to do and was not the cause of this hurdle. Try to relax.

  5. So don't do that to yourself. Tell me what kid doesn't react like that when s/he finds out his parents are really never get back together AND dad loves another woman who will be there forever. It wasn't going to go any other way.

    Fate, shmape. Its future stepchildren and reacting as they do. They are scared and don't like change. They already went thru their parents' divorce, new parents, however great they are, will always be something big to adjust to. Would have been the same reaction to ANY woman

  6. I think that's a mistake. M1's reaction is normal, and there's no reason to believe his feelings won't evolve. And even if they don't, JV needs to work on this slowly and methodically. Nothing has to change, in terms of the plan.