Tuesday, August 31, 2010

First cut is the deepest

Unfortunately, it's not the last cut. I still get hit with a tidal wave of sadness from time to time. Not sure how I'm keeping on my feet. Work is pretty darn excruciating. I can do the mindless stuff, but I really can't focus for very long on paperwork. Did manage to diagnose a client with dissociation as part of his PTSD, which apparently nobody ever else had. But I've got three discharge summaries to write up, and I can't.

So I've ventured back into online dating. I've decided that I'm going to send ONE message to men. If they don't respond -- that's it. This might be common knowledge to most of you, but I've been more persistent in the past. This is both undignified and ineffective. So now, it's one strike and they're out.

Back in September 2009, I connected with a guy, Sir Gallant. We exchanged phone numbers. But I don't think we ever spoke. He kind of dropped the ball. Whatever; I got enmeshed with JV and lost interest.

Fast-forward almost a year. Apparently I forgot I ever contacted him, because I sent him a little icebreaker:

Hi Sir Gallant, Let's Break the Ice.

My name is Ayelet and I am a 40 year old Traditional woman from New York. You can see my full profile by clicking the profile link at the bottom of this message.

Looking forward to chatting, Ayelet

Well, he is as gallant as his name. He responded:

So Ayelet with a beautiful smile such as yours, why are you still single?

I was smart enough not to say "Because you never called me last year!"

I'm very picky ;) I guess I didn't want to settle. I want to marry my passionate lover/best friend and confidant/partner in problem-solving. Not someone who thinks just like me, but who brings out the best in me.

Do I get to see YOUR beautiful smile? What's your password?

I have to be myself. I mean, I have to be nice, which isn't really my style and I'm working on it, but I need to be sassy. And apparently Sir Gallant likes sassy:

You should be picky; my password is 1233x

I guess cute girls get an extra sassy allowance. So I looked, and either it's a really good picture or he's actually cute.

Glad to say you pass muster with flying colors :) Next step?

He asked for my phone number and the best time to call. I gave it to him and told him to call tomorrow night -- tonight I work till 9 and I'll be exhausted when I get home.

Prospect #1. But wait -- there's more! Four more that I've exchanged at least one email with, and several that read my emails and looked at my profile but haven't written back. Not bad, considering I re-joined the site yesterday.

I would love to tell you all about the other four guys. I probably should, so TikunOlam can screen them for psychopathology. But... I'm exhausted. Living is just harder than usual these days. I'm amazed I got up, chose an interview outfit, and gave an interview that got me a second interview. Did I not mention I had a job interview? I'm not sure I'd take the job, for two reasons: they utilize lots of methadone and no acupuncture, and they would expect me to take a $10,000 pay cut.

I'm going on the follow-up interview. But I don't think I can take the salary they're offering. I don't have to leave this job immediately. I actually got a call from a headhunter, although I have to ascertain if the jobs she has are full-time with medical benefits that pay a decent wage.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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