Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Shouldn't have tempted fate

I shouldn't have told anyone we were getting married. I shouldn't have joined The Knot. I shouldn't have chosen a bridesmaid dress. I shouldn't have visited reception venues. I shouldn't have tried on wedding dresses. I shouldn't have gone house-hunting.

I guess I'll have to keep borrowing other people's babies. And I wonder how long before I can think that without crying.

One of my group clients tonight told me he saw me on my way into work and thought I looked like I didn't want to go to work that day. Well, yeah, pretty much every day since they demoted me. I thought I could stand it since I'd be moving to New Jersey relatively soon. Now that hope is also dashed. Who knows how long I'll have to keep this job? I know, I know, tons of people hate their jobs. Why should I expect to like mine?

He thought I looked angry. I wasn't angry. I was trying to accept the idea of never having a baby while holding back my tears. Successfully, for what it's worth, if I looked angry and not devastated.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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