Thursday, October 28, 2010

The men who ignore me: Out of my league?

Since my commenters think I dismiss the allegedly eligible men who contact me, I wonder if the men I try to contact are so out of my league that they're justified in not replying. Here are a few examples.(I've slightly altered the screennames.)

42, Male
Jewish Education: hebrew school
Secular Education: Medical degree
Languages Spoken: English
Political Beliefs: not important
Height: 168 cm/5' 6"
Build: average

Religious Practice
Shabbat observance: Ritual observance & growing
Kashrut: Kosher at home but not out

The role of Judaism in my life: Common beliefs and values binds husband and wife and children together

This is how I describe myself:well educated, kind, sincere, mensch who has a wonderful home in NJ and looking for someone to share it with.

NJF doesn't say anything about the kind of woman he seeks. I guess he'll know it when he sees it, and didn't see it in me.

Jewish Education: yeshiva/seminary
Secular Education: Bachelors Degree
Languages Spoken: English, Hebrew
Political Beliefs: right wing
Occupation: investment advisor representative
Hobbies and Interests: too many to list right now
Height: 178 cm/5' 10"
Build: athletic
Do you smoke?: no

Religious Practice
Shabbat observance: Not at all
Kashrut: Kosher at home but not out

The role of Judaism in my life: family, heritage, faith, jewish continuity

This is how I describe myself: i`m semi-retired from being an adrenaline junkie ( sort of ). i enjoy everything from golf to automotive work ( i do have a degree in automotive technology ( i got it for giggles and hahas )), snowmobiling, motorcycling, skydiving, dining out and traveling. suit and tie, or jeans and a t-shirt. i`m a jack-of-all trades. just looking for a best friend and partner. oh yeah, i love to cook and i am a romantic. i`m also good with my hands, working in the house, on equipment or doing landscaping ( actually had my own veggie garden years ago ).I like to experience many different aspects of life; from different culture to geography. Nothing like traveling and seeing other parts of the country, other countries and continents. Experience other styles of living, foods, behavior and driving on the wrong side of the road.Locally, i enjoy Long island and upstate New York. Enjoy spending time in miami, south beach and driving down to the keys; deep sea fishing and taking out a wave runner.Music, well that is an entire different conversation all its own. as well as books ( authors ), movies, a passion for cars. My greatest love of all is my family...SERIOUSLY. I have three brothers and one sister, four neices and three nephews and thankfully the best parents i personally could have asked for.I have had good experiences and learning experiences. Like they say... what doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP...HE WHO HESITATES IS LOST... WANT TO LIVE LIFE WITH NO REGRETS BUT IF YOU HAVE NO REGRETS THAN YOU HAVEN`T REALLY LIVED LIFE...something to think about... that`s all folks... y`all come back now ya hear. thank you, thank you very much, will be here all week !

This is what I am looking for in a mate: i`m looking for a woman that is a girl as well as a lady. she should be able to go from one extreme to the other, from serious to silly.

Don't I fit that bill? ;)

42, Male
New York, NY
Single, without children
From a traditional family
Jewish Education: hebrew school
Secular Education: JD/MD/Ph.D/Doctoral
Occupation: Clinical Child Psychologist
Hobbies and Interests: Movies, Travel, Friends.
Height: 183 cm/6' 00"
Build: athletic
Do you smoke?: no

Religious Practice
Shabbat observance: Ritual observance & growing
Kashrut: Not at all but working on it

The role of Judaism in my life: Judaism is a very important part of my life, providing structure, stability, joy and connection.

This is how I describe myself: I'm a warm, affectionate, guy with strong goals and the passion to carry them out. I'm also proud of who I am and encourage others to feel the same way about themselves. I'm curious by nature, love to experience other cultures and ways of thinking.

This is what I am looking for in a mate: I am looking for a woman with a lot of spontaneity and passion for new things. Who isn't afraid to go camping one weekend and to the opera the next and who hasn't lost the little girl inside her

Actually, reading that last part makes me kind of glad he didn't respond.

42, Male
New York, NY
Divorced, with children
Traditional, from a traditional family
Mixed Ashkenazi & Sefaradi
Jewish Education: jewish day school
Secular Education: Bachelors Degree
Occupation: Bond Trader
Hobbies and Interests: Sports, Travel, Arts
Height: 168 cm/5' 6"
Build: athletic
Do you smoke?: no

Religious Practice
Shabbat observance: Ritual observance (Kiddush, Synagogue, etc)
Kashrut: Kosher at home, only fish & dairy out

The role of Judaism in my life: Judaism allows me to appreciate people for who they are and provides endless opportunities for personal growth.

This is how I describe myself: I see the positive in people and find the humor in the moment. I am competitive and athletic but I prefer biking across Israel and skiing down the French alps over watching the pros have all the fun. I do the best I can and thankfully often achieve what I set my sights on. I am a single dad and love every fulfilling minute. I have a strong jewish identity and love for Israel.

This is what I am looking for in a mate: I would like a relationship, on some level, to be electric, fun and natural. Every now and then I want to communicate freely and be encouraged to share what's on my mind beyond the standard 'yes, dear'. I would like the idea of patience to involve at least one deep breath per person. As a native of Mars, I would like to express myself in a way that translates into the language of Venus. It would be nice to have frequent conversations about what is going on in the world at large, as well as our own little worlds. She's balanced in her interests – so work isn't always her primary focus. She definitely wants to start, or continue, a family of her own. She creates a home, whether it's bringing new meaning to the jewish holidays, or hosting a meal for family and friends. She's just light and spontaneous enough that she is a good counter balance to my level headed ways, but she's not totally off in the clouds either. She's got plenty of her own hobbies and activities, and she invites me to share them but does not give them up for me. She can step out of her comfort zone. She is outgoing and can work a room on her own. The intangible, of course, is that when she does enter that room I simply light up when I see her.

Guess I don't measure up. Why am I interested in these guys? And why are they so wrong for me -- or am I so wrong for them?

And will those men in their 60s and 70s STOP LOOKING AT MY PROFILE????? GROSS!!!!!!! They're like pedophiles.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. No, they are not out of your league. But without knowing what your profile says, or what your initial note says, it is impossible to know what may be turning them off. And don't forget, for each one of them it may be something different. You tend to lump them all together, but they are individuals.

    How do we get you away from this 2D matchmaking and into a world where you will naturally, gradually, meet real live men who might suit you?

  2. They're not out of your league on paper - you're an intelligent and attractive woman with a good job, so I really doubt that the bare facts are an issue.

    It seems more likely that your profile is putting them off, for whatever reason. Have you ever had a friend go over it with you?

    This is just my personal viewpoint, but if you are as forthcoming with your profile as you are with this blog, then it's probable that they find you quite intimidating...

  3. Ayelet, let's clear up the following point: there are no leagues in dating.

    A league is defined by Wiki dictionary as follows:

    1) A group or association of cooperating members.

    2) An organization of sports teams which play against one another for a championship.

    3) The distance that a person can walk in one hour, commonly taken to be approximately three English miles (about five kilometers).  

    Since dating is neither a sport or association, they simply can't be "out of your league." If anything, you are all, in fact, in the same league.

    But far more importantly, in my honest opinion, is that you only seem to give the well educated a sincere chance.

    This can be a mistake.

    I happen to be well educated. But I try not to exclude an exchange ideas with the non-educated or undereducated.

    My advise: go out with a high school dropout; or perhaps, a middle school dropout.

    1) you'll know they aren't "out" of your league
    2) they seem to have the most fun.

    I've partied with Harvard Ph.D. candidates and high school dropouts. The high school dropouts are ALWAYS more fun.

  4. so you only want to date doctors and bankers? :) To be honest, many doctors and bankers probably think they can date women much younger than them...and they probably can.