Wednesday, October 06, 2010

The third man

So I met three men on Simchat Torah: JJ, Yitzy Jewberger, and David. His name really is David, but so many Jewish guys are named David that it's a convenient and relatively anonymous moniker.

David was at a Friday night dinner catered by my friend ET. ET had thoughtfully named him as the closest to me in age. ET is always very conscientious to warn me before I go and get interested in one of his equally age-inappropriate friends. I knew David was a little younger than I was, but ET still thought it was plausible. So I made sure to sit next to David at dinner.

"Nice job on kiddush," I said to him. "Was the wine any good? I'll have a glass."

This is totally against The Rules. You should never show any interest in a man. Rather, you should remember you are a unique, exquisite creature unlike any other, radiate confidence and joy, and magically attract attention to yourself. I have always been a little impatient, and I guess these days I'm not radiating so much confidence and joy.

It seemed to work anyway. We got to talking. He works for the MTA. I work in a building owned by the MTA (we rent a clinic office), and sometimes he works down the street from where I work in Downtown Brooklyn. (There are a ton of substance abuse treatment programs in that area, for those of you who might worry I'm blowing my cover.)

"How do you like the area?" he asked.

"Not that much," I said. "The commute's not bad, but there's no good shopping and very little kosher food."

"Did you ever go to Wild Ginger?" he asked. "It's a vegan place on Smith Street."

"I have not," I said.

He looked away. "Well... maybe the next time I'm in Brooklyn... we could have lunch there," he mumbled shyly.

How adorable! "That would be great," I enthused, then remembered I wasn't supposed to show too much enthusiasm. "My work schedule is different every day, and some days I work a late shift, but on one of my early days I'd love to go there with you."

So it's Shabbat. He can't write down my phone number. How is he going to contact me? According to The Rules, I should have let him worry about that and figure it out. Silly me, I said, "I'm on Facebook, are you? Okay, I'll find you on ET's friends list and friend you."

I should have let him do that. Because I did that and he hasn't contacted me. And we talked for a long time. We realized we both went to the same college (he started the fall after I graduated) and knew a ton of people in common.

"I haven't been back in forever," I said.

"We should visit again!" he said. Wow. From lunch to a weekend trip away?

"Sounds great!" I said.

Then, remembering The Rules, I said I was going home. "Okay," he said.

And that was it. I friended him, but he hasn't emailed me. Of course, then I started seeing his picture and comments all over my friends' FB pages, because we have friends in common. I also commented on one of his status updates, to which he did not respond. Bad, bad, not playing by The Rules at all.

I've hidden him from my news feed, so I won't be tempted to make any more attempts to communicate. But somehow I don't think we're going to Wild Ginger anytime soon. If at all.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. Number one, he is shy. Shy guys tend to stew over social engagements. And he said: "next time I'm in Brooklyn''. That implies that he might not call right away.

  2. Yes, but we both live on the Upper West Side! Whatever... I'm losing interest. I'm going to focus on my millionaires.

  3. I don't like this preoccupation with the rules. There are no rules. I understand the motivation behind your adoption of the rules, but I wouldn't put as much stock in them as you seem to be.

    Good luck, of course, either way.

  4. I've always been a Rules-breaker; my relationship with JV broke pretty much every Rule in the book. And we broke up. What I'm doing is not working. I need to try another way. I've definitely noticed that guys behave the way the book says they do -- the less interest you show, the more they pursue; if you show too much interest, they lose interest. So I'm giving it a shot.

  5. yeah but you broke the rules with him and you had a relationship with him that lasted a can't attribute a relationship not working out to some rules you didn't follow, some couples are just not meant to be, and no amount of magical rule following will change that.