Thursday, October 21, 2010

Too late for LNJSNK

I was hesitant about contacting LNJSNK:

I'm not sure. He read my note but didn't respond. You don't think he'll find it annoying?

My friend disagreed:

Not at all. He stressed the importance of both a sense of humor and a love of Yiddishkeit. He gave the big clue himself that the lady must be willing to say they met while shopping for kosher chicken. Of course, he said it jokingly, but the meaning is clear; to be able to be serious about someone or something, but still be relaxed enough to play along with something outrageous once in a while. He sounds like a guy who would cheerfully "eat his words." If anything, he may find it flattering that you think he is worth pursuing a little more.

She had me there. I went back to Frumster and tried to email him, but couldn't. I reported back:

It's moot. I tried to view his profile and got this message:

This member has temporarily suspended his membership.
Therefore, his profile cannot currently be viewed, nor can he send or receive messages.

But I appreciate you strategizing for me ;)

Seriously, the best thing about FaceBook, as far as I'm concerned, is that I've met a ton of people, virtually, who really seem to care about me. She wrote back:

I'm sorry it didn't work out this time. I should have sent the suggestion as soon as I read where you put his profile. In any case, it's good to remember that the person who does not respond to you may be doing so because he feels he might not measure up to your expectations, so by not responding, he doesn't ultimately risk rejection. You have so much good stuff to offer a man, that if you are able to look at the situation as a chance to go beyond first impressions and casually and gradually get to know someone (without prejudging based on the bullshit that people will put on a profile just to impress people), you may discover than when you are not totally focused that each one should be the right one, you'll be pleasantly surprised and will actually find your bashert.

It's even harder for Jewish guys to admit they are maybe just a mensch, but not Mr. Macher, because our charming American Jewish Culture has stereotyped the hell out of them. We've all, men and women been surrepticiously programmed to have unrealistic expectations about a future mate, I think. So, if you meet one who makes you purr, don't worry so much about the "fect."

She's probably right, and when people are right, I'm usually big enough to tell them:

You are a very wise woman, and I'm lucky to have you as a friend. I will try to ease up on the first impressions. It's just hard when you've been on so many awful dates that you think you just shouldn't have gone on in the first place.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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