Sunday, November 28, 2010

Finally -- a GREAT first date!

Two, actually.

I survived Thanksgiving. I realized that my sister can take about two days of my company before she starts slinging random insults. This will probably inform my future visits. I spent a lot of time aunting my niece Shira, who is taking the divorce very hard.

Friday morning I met SOS for coffee at Dunkin' Donuts. We had a very nice conversation. I felt comfortable with him. He complemented my looks, my intelligence, and my sense of humor. I'm perfectly willing to keep in touch with him, although I recognize that long-distance relationships are difficult to negotiate.

Halfway through the date my phone rang.

"Is that your next date?" joked SOS. Actually it was -- Southern Gentleman was checking in. He wasn't 100% sure of his schedule -- has to travel on business and didn't know if he was leaving Sunday or Monday, wanted to meet on Sunday if he was still in town. I left him a message that I was having lunch with a friend Sunday afternoon and would be available later in the day. Sunday morning he called twice -- before and after listening to my message. He said he could meet me after 5. I called back and actually got him, and we arranged to meet at Starbucks at 6:30.

First things first: he is CUTE. Sorta my toxic type -- short and blond -- but not big-headed. He grew up in Baltimore and speaks with a slight yeshivish accent, but he understood everything I said. Cultural references, big vocabulary words, all that. We also had a great conversation, he complimented me in various ways, and we basically agreed that personality and chemistry override any laundry list of characteristics you might think you want in a spouse.`

I ended the date after about an hour and 45 minutes -- always leave them wanting more, right? He walked me home and told me he had a good time. And that was it.

I guess I'll wait to hear from them. And keep my dance card filled. I made plans to have dinner with a FB friend tomorrow night, and I'm having lunch with a friend from social work school on Sunday. Just like I had lunch with a high school friend today. And I'm going to a party next Sunday night, where presumably I will meet Chanukah Party Guy.

I haven't heard anything lately from the passionate Greek Jasper or the expat Brit Neville in Florida. Neville in particular is out of luck -- I'm no longer a Jwed member, so I can't read emails from him anymore, and he never asked for my phone number. Haven't heard from the Israeli Techie, but I told him I'd be busy until after this weekend, so I'm not surprised. Have started corresponding with another person on Supertova, but I wouldn't be surprised if that doesn't go anywhere.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The Israeli Techie (IT)

There's another guy I've been corresponding with -- an Israeli who works with computers.

45, Male
East Brunswick, NJ
Divorced, with one child
Modern Orthodox (liberal)
From a traditional family

Grew up in: Israel
Consider relocation? Yes
Wishing to make aliyah to Israel? No
Jewish Education: hebrew school
Secular Education: vocational/technical college
Languages Spoken: English, Hebrew
Political Beliefs: not important
Occupation: Computers
Hobbies and Interests: music, reading, traveling, gym

Physical Attributes
Height: 165 cm/5' 5"
Build: athletic
Do you smoke?: no

Religious Practice
Frequency of Torah Study: occasionally
Frequency of Tefilah: daily
Kippa: knitted kippa
Tzitzit: sometimes

This is how I describe myself: I served in the Israeli army. I work hard at a job I love. I am polite, fun-loving, easy to talk to, and have a good sense of humor. I love children, music, sports, and travel. I have a wonderful son and I would love to have more children. I would be happy to send you a picture of myself.

This is what I am looking for in a mate: I am looking for someone to spend my life with -- someone to be my new best friend. I am looking for a gentle, smart, attractive, working woman who loves children, travel and seeing new places. She should be easy to talk to, open to new ideas, and love Israel. I am looking for someone who wants to have children (and may already have her own).

He wrote to me yesterday:

Hi. just wanted to say hello and tell you that I enjoyed your profile. have a great day, IT.

I responded:

Hi IT, thanks for writing. I liked your profile as well and would like to get to know you better. Do you have a picture?

I don't know why people don't just post  photos of themselves on their profiles but oblige us to give them our personal email addresses in order to see them. It irks me.

you can please send me your e - mail .
Thank you IT.

Fine, whatever, I sent the email address I use least. Which meant that I didn't see the photos for about a day. And... they weren't very informative. Showed distant pictures of him in sunglasses and a baseball hat, posing next to some touristy site. All I could tell was that he's not morbidly obese and he doesn't appear to have survived smallpox.

But I'm trying to be less judgmental...

Thank you for sending your photos. What's the next step?

He answered,

Hi Ayelet. I hope all is well with you. I think that from now on it will be easier.and better for us to speak on the phone from now on. what do you think?  have a good night. IT

Well, at least he's not dragging his feet.

I think that's best too. My # is 212-xxx-xxxx. I'm going to be really busy for the next part of the week and the weekend, so maybe we can talk next week.

I probably shouldn't have told him that -- should just have given him my number and let him call or not. But I'll let you know what happens.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Update on the Southern Gentleman

SG doesn't let grass grow under his feet. I replied to him at 8:15 a.m. He responded at 10:20:

Ayelet, thank you for the compliments.
what section of NY do you live in?
I am in Queens

At 11:49 I told him I live on the Upper West Side, hoping that would not cause him to dismiss me out of hand. But as he said in his profile, he doesn't judge, and at 2:42 he wrote:

Ayelet, maybe we should talk on the phone.
My number is 718-xxx-xxxx
May I please have your number?
have a nice day

At 4:46 I got back to him:

Hi SG, my number is 212-xxx-xxxx. I look forward to speaking with you :) Ayelet

I'll let you know what happens.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Don't panic, readers

Yesterday was a bad day, last night was a bad night. Group was difficult to manage since I'm now afraid to rein in disorderly clients, as apparently everything I do in group can be construed as "punitive." My supervisor told me that "more information" is available about a client I had to ask to leave last Thursday's group after he was extremely hostile and inappropriate -- but that we won't discuss it until after Thanksgiving. Something to look forward to with dread and apprehension. I came home miserable and feeling sorry for myself, which is a bad combination.

But I had a good night's sleep (thank you, melatonin and acupressure mat), and I'm muddling on. I woke up to an interesting Frumster email:

hello
Good morning
Your profile is interesting
Would you like to correspond?
Have a nice day!

I was surprised because he's 36, and usually men in their late 30s want to date women in their early 30s (or younger). So I looked at his profile:

Long Island, NY
Single, without children
Shomer Mitzvot
From a religious family
Grew up in: The South
Consider relocation? No
Jewish Education: yeshiva/seminary
Secular Education: Masters Degree
Languages Spoken: English
Political Beliefs: right wing
Occupation: business
Hobbies and Interests: travel

Religious Practice
Frequency of Torah Study: several times weekly
Frequency of Tefilah: daily
Kippa: suede/leather kippa
Tzitzit: always

What Shomer Mitzvot means to me: striving to be the best Jew without labeling yourself or others.

This is how I describe myself: I am thoughtful and caring. I like to help people. People say I am funny and nice to be around. I can be laid back but also serious. I am told that I am thoughtful

This is what I am looking for in a mate: Someone who smiles, has confidence, is looking for a best friend in a mate, caring, sensitive to others needs, kind, understanding, conversationalist, sweet, looking to have a home life in her future family.

He's from the South, so I'll call him the Southern Gentleman (SG). And he sounds like a catch. Caring, thoughtful, responsible, educated, looking for a best friend. I'm intrigued. His photo was password-protected, and I was curious.

Good morning -- your profile is interesting too. I would like to get to know you better. May I have your photo password?

Have a great day, Ayelet

Heard back in 20 minutes:

my pass word is the word password
i actually do enjoy grocery shopping. And i agree with the right person any activity is good. People tell me i have a sense of humor. i like chick flicks
have a nice day

Password "password." Clever! I wouldn't suggest he work in encryption, but adequate for a dating website. Took a look and... SG is cute. Blond hair, blue eyes, great smile. He's 5'5", which I think is perfect.

(Had an interesting conversation with Jerusha on Sunday. She complained that a lot of the guys on dating websites, which she has now joined, are short.

"You're 5 feet tall," I said.

"I know," she said, "I guess I just like tall guys." Her ex is 6'. I suppose I'm lucky; I've always liked short guys. You'd think, being Jewish, that would have given me a significant advantage, but in fact I've ended up dating more tall men than short.)

Also, SG is responding to what I wrote in my profile:

You can enjoy anything -- from the opera to grocery shopping -- when you're with the right person.... Bonus points for men who aren't afraid to admit they don't mind watching chick flicks.

This seems promising. But I don't want to come on too strong. I want him to make the next move. So I kept my reply brief but warm:

Great smile! (and clever password, why didn't I think of that?)

So we have grocery shopping, chick flicks, and a sense of humor in common. That seems like a good start :)

I guess I'll see what happens. I'm supposed to talk tonight to the Supertova guy who's helping me practice patience (I think I'll call him Mr. Spontaneity). So I might have a date Saturday night. If not, I'll hang out with my family. And I'm having coffee Friday morning with SOS.

So it seems I'm attracting interest and starting a fair number conversations with men. I'm not even blogging about all of them. There's a Guatemalen I met on Supertova who's now my Facebook friend; we might meet in January if he's in NYC. Also an Israeli expatriate who wrote to me on Monday, when I had so many blog posts I didn't want to create more. I guess I'll write about him the next time he makes a move.

Why do I have the feeling that despite all these options, nothing will come of any?
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

As good as it gets?

I'm beyond frustrated and enraged at the work situation. I'm afraid to try to enforce proper behavior in my groups since I've been called "punitive." I'm beyond furious at Ivan the Terrible for opening a Jwed account. Even though I knew he was lying when he said he loved me but didn't want to get married again, it's still a kick in the gut. I know I shouldn't care, but I can't not care.

I know I promised not to do anything until I turn 50, and I intend to stick to that promise. But honestly, I wish I'd never been born. I just can't seem to get it right, and I'm tired of screwing up and catching shit for it.

This has been an extraordinarily bad mood day. Probably most of what actually happened wasn't objectively so dire. But I'm tired of always facing it, always being buried chin-deep in shit. I'm just exhausted. If I could give up, I would.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Updates on Jasper and Neville

Jasper wrote back to me:

Hello Ayelet,

I am glad you are interested in me. I really do appreciate it. My clients have asked me the same question; I mean my ending up here in Baltimore. Well, it is simple. My wife and I bought a property here in Baltimore before she passed on. She lived with her foster mom when she was young here in Baltimore. So when the economic crisis strike down on Greece and art business came to a stand still there, it was important that I leave Greece for another country. The only place that came to mind was Baltimore.

You asked me if I have any questions for you. Yes, I have two;

1. When will be a good time to chat with you?
2. Do you chat on yahoo messenger?

I will wait for your reply. Meanwhile, if you don’t see me on the site when you come on because of the time difference, you can write me on: jaspersophocles@yahoo.com

I look forward to hear from you. With all my heart, Jasper

Well, that explains why he's in Baltimore. And what is it with guys wanting to chat on Yahoo Messenger?? Sheesh. Doesn't anyone talk on the phone anymore? I don't believe IM is the best way to get to know someone.

Hi Jasper,

I didn't realize you were Greek from Greece! How interesting. I hope things are better for you in Baltimore. How is your daughter adjusting?

I would rather talk on the phone than IM. This week is very hectic because of Thanksgiving, and also because I work late Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Maybe we could talk next Monday evening. Best, Ayelet

Next email in the lineup was from Neville:

Thank you so much for getting back to me, I am delighted that you did. I would be happy to tell you all about me. I will write more later this evening.

In the meantime, I do have two questions for you.

1. How do you feel about someone 8 years older than you?

2. How do you feel about long distance relationships, which can be hard at best?

I'm just curious on your views about this.

Anyhow, thank you again for writing; I very much look forward to corresponding with you.

Best wishes, Neville

I tried to answer honestly:

Good morning, Neville. To be honest, the age difference is kind of at the high end of my comfort zone, but I like to give people a chance :) The distance thing could also be a problem, since I don't have a lot of time to travel. How often are you in New York?

I guess I'll see how they respond. I haven't heard recently from Max, CPG, or the ardent 33-year-old in London. And I haven't heard anything from the 30 or so (or more) men I contacted on Jwed. On the plus side, I'm not being pursued by any Persians.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Monday, November 22, 2010

Another nice note from another nice guy

Hi,

Firstly, I would like to say that I read your profile with much interest and excitement. It is so refreshing to read a genuine profile. You seem to be a wonderful person and may I say extremely attractive too.

Please read my profile, and let me know if you if you would like to correspond further.

I very much hope to hear from you.

Kind regards,

Neville

That's flattering. Who is Neville?

48, Male
Orlando, FL
Divorced, without children
Conservadox, from a traditional family
Shabbat observance: Ritual observance (Kiddush, Synagogue, etc)
Kashrut: Kosher at home, only fish & dairy out

The role of Judaism in my life: A sense of community and belonging

This is how I describe myself: I moved from London to the U.S A. in 1991. I spend a lot of time in Philadelphia and the New York area. I am very close with my family who live in London. 

Whilst I am a firm believer in equality, I feel that no woman should be offended by politeness, so I verily believe that the age of chivalry is not dead nor should it ever be. I have always believed that a woman should be treated with the respect and admiration she deserves. Not just in big things like love or marriage, but also in the little things that count, good manners and loyalty. The greatness of integrity and simplicity in warmth and character, substance is what I mean. 

I love classic Hollywood movies because they have meaning. Breakfast at Tiffany's and other movies of that type and era. I love the songs that Frank Sinatra and such like artists used to sing, because I feel that each song contains lyrics that one can really relate to, with respect to their own personal lives. Sadness, despair, happiness and laughter. 

I'm a fine wine, suit and tie, French cuff type of a guy; in essence, I could be called a hopeless romantic who enjoys the lost art of living. I try to recapture and emulate the elegance, polish and refinement of yesteryears, however I am not by any stretch of the imagination a stuffed shirt, I live life very much for the future and have a healthy awareness of life's sometimes-harsh realities.

This is what I am looking for in a mate: I would like to meet someone to share my life with. Someone who is caring, supportive, romantic and above all someone who is prepared to give the same degree of commitment as I.To love and be loved that's what life is all about.

He seems nice. A little older than I'm comfortable with, or rather, happy with, but classy, smart, gentlemanly, and taken with me. Not really cute, but not repulsive.

Hi Neville,

Thank you so much for your lovely note. I would like to get to know you better.

Best, Ayelet
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

SOS sorta redeems himself

hey Ayelet! apologies for the (shamefully) delayed reply. crazy weekend (all fun stuff, thank G-d) -- now it's back to the grindstone! hope your week's off to a good start.

spoke w/ my mother tonite, who advised the "F" train's X station stop is walking distance to [your sister's neighborhood]. since i'd like us to meet, i can take the train out Sunday morning. is it on? :-)

I agreed too quickly:

Sure -- it's on :) Where should we meet? 
And then realized:
Wait -- no -- has to be FRIDAY

All these date and time changes have me so confused. He responded:
 
LOL! i've never actually been to that part of Queens... you mentioned you're spending the weekend at your sister's -- please ask if she knows a decent coffeeshop that's open sunday mornings, and is relatively close to her (as well as the X station). thanks!  

Gevalt. I sent him an IM:

I'm busy on Sunday, I'm free Friday
He finally answered:
Only for you. ;-) Friday morn it is (I thought you said you weren't going back to Manhattan until later on Sunday). LMK what your sister suggests! 

I called Jerusha. Apparently we're palsy, now that we're both single. We even hung out yesterday, sharing apples and donuts while she waited for her not-boyfriend to finish working out, shower, and get ready for dinner. She invited me to come to dinner with them, but I wanted to straighten my hair.

Wrote back to SOS:

My sister doesn't know of anything "nice" that's walking distance from the F train stop and her house, but she can drop me near the F train and you and I can find a coffee or donut shop and have a conversation. Sound good?

The station is in a rather dismal part of Queens, which is adjacent to a much nicer part of Queens. Happens a lot in NYC. So he and I will find some place to have coffee and a conversation. I'll let you know how it goes.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Practicing patience

On 11/14/10 I wrote to a cute guy on Supertova:

You have a really nice smile, I would love to see it in person :)

He wrote back on 11/15:

thanks for writing. You look like u have an intersting job. Do u do acupancturest.

Why wasn't I put off by this? ;) He wasn't born in the U.S. He's Israeli.

Height: 5'11" (180 cm)
Age: 44
Marital Status: Divorced
Hair Color: Black
Eye Color: Brown
Body Type: Slender
Exercise: Twice a week
Politics: Moderate
Smoking: No
Drinking: Socially
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Religion: Modern Orthodox
Frequency of Synagogue: Every Sabbath
Kosher: Always
Willing to make Aliyah?: Maybe
Been to Israel: I was born there
Children: None
Want Children: Yes
Profession: real estate
Job Title: president
Education: Bachelors Degree
Salary: Prefer not to say

Okay, so I'm somewhat swayed by the bachelor's degree and the fancy title. I wrote back:

My job is VERY interesting ;) I'm trained as a detox acupuncturist, which means I know how to insert needles into 5 points on the ear to support substance abuse treatment. Can't do much for the rest of the body. I don't use this technique at my current job, though, which is unfortunate.

Do you like your job? And what do you like to do for fun?

Had to wait three agonizing days before he responded on 11/18:

can we speak on the telephone.

A few hours later I wrote giving him my number, and another three days passed until he called tonight.

Maybe I should be apprehensive. When I told him that my mother was born in Europe and likes bittersweet chocolate, plain yogurt, and dry wine, his first reaction was, "She must be very fit and healthy!"

"Well, she takes good care of herself," I said, "which is good, because I want her to be around for a long time!"

He may be one of those guys who likes skinny girls. But hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained. We had an interesting conversation, and he suggested we get together. So I told him I was free this Saturday night, and instead of agreeing, he said, "Let's touch base later in the week."

I don't like playing games. But I said, "Okay, let's talk again on Wednesday." If he doesn't call by Wednesday night, I'm going to be busy Saturday night. I don't want to make it too easy for him. Because whenever I have, in the past, I ended up getting dumped. I need to show that I'm busy and happy without him, and if he wants some of my time and attention, he needs to book in advance. Spontaneity is great when you're already on the date, but I want to plan my time so that I'm not feeling insecure about when or if I'll see him again.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Now I'm getting nervous

Jasper wrote me back. I've highlighted certain phrases and sentences for emphasis:

Thank you for taking time to reply my email. It gives joy to read an email from you. I just finished putting my little girl to bed and I am checking my emails before I go to bed. Now that I have read your email all I am thinking about is you. I would be honored to know you more and be happy to be your friend. I barely have friends here in Baltimore so you will be doing me a great favor just being my friend.

I think it is also fair I tell you a little bit about me. Well, I was born into a Greek family. And I enjoy being a Greek and serving God diligently. It is very fulfilling when we follow our dreams in life, doing something that our heart and soul has always wanted to do. I feel such great warmth for you even at the first glance at your profile. Well, here is a little about me. I used to be into real estate until I lost my father and I took over his passion for the love of art. Since then, I have been a collector of art works. That means, not only do I collect for the love of it, I buy and sell for business. Whatever piece of art works my clients want, I get them ranging from artifacts, paintings, and sculptures. Just name it. It is an interesting job. I am currently working towards opening an art gallery pretty soon even though I inherited my father's in London.

I have a six year old girl who I admire more than life itself. She is a very pretty and intelligent girl. Someday I know you will get to meet her and love her for who she is.

You must know that I am a little shy at first but foremost I'm honest and dependable. I don't compromise my integrity and you can count on me. I have been widowed since 2006 and am now ready for a long term relationship. I love life and enjoy every day to its fullest. I have a passion for travel and exploring new places. Wow, I have been writing so much and I will stop here for now and wait for your reply.

I am going to bed now. I wish you a wonderful night rest. With all my heart, Jasper

He just seems to be coming on way too strong and intense. And in my experience, that's not a good thing. Why is he thinking about me so much, when we've just exchanged a few emails? Why does he write (again) about his tremendous warmth for me in the midst of his self-description? It's like he can't contain his excitement, but there's barely any reason to be excited! How does he know I'm going to meet and love his daughter? Most ominously: why doesn't he have any friends in Baltimore?

So I'm starting to get a little nervous. Any thoughts on this?
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Sunday, November 21, 2010

I need more to go on

All I know about the passionate Jasper is: 45, in the process of converting, widowed with one child, lives in Baltimore. I wrote back to him:

Thank you for your very nice note :) You seem very sweet. Can you tell me more about why you chose to convert to Judaism and where you are in the process?

I thought those were fair questions.

Well... it is a long story. One day I will be happy to tell you over a cup of coffee or dinner. Tell me, do you chat sometime? If yes it will be my pleasure to chat with you.
I look forward to hearing from you.
With all my heart, Jasper

I guess he doesn't feel he can answer those questions adequately via email. I don't know what The Rules say about long IM chats, although I suspect it's not favorable.

We could chat sometime, but I'd still like to know a little bit more about you. Where are you originally from? What is your family like? How old is your child? Stuff like that ;)

I think that's fair. I'll keep you posted.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

SOS redux: Why did I bother?

Remember SOS? He and I stayed friends on Facebook, even though we never met and Shalva and I weren't impressed with him. After I broke up with Ivan the Terrible (my new name for JV), SOS IM'ed me on FB:

SOS: I'm coming to Queens for Thanksgiving... still want to get together for that cup of coffee?
Ayelet: Sure. What time works for you?
SOS: How about Saturday night?
Ayelet: Perfect.
SOS: Just gotta check with my kallah.

His fiancée?

Ayelet: Your kallah? Mazal tov! But I wouldn't want to cause any problems; if she requires your presence on Saturday night, she takes precedence ;)
SOS: Just kidding, I'm not engaged!

Is that funny? I didn't think so. But we exchanged phone numbers anyway. Then he emailed me on November 2:

Subject: Who's the Idiot:
Message: Me!!! :-) I managed to close out our "chat" window, last night, without jotting down the cell-phone # you provided... Sorry! Anyway, how're you feeling today? A bit better, I hope!

I was sick the day before. Told him I was feeling better and gave him my cell phone number. He emailed me again on November 18:

How's it going??????

I'm about to prove my brilliance, for a second time in less than a month: After our e-mail exchange, from several weeks ago, I neglected to advise my mother not to buy theater tix (it's our tradition to see a show Sat. eve, of T'giving weekend). Thus, we're booked for the 8PM of "Avenue Q" (seen it? is it any good?)

Anyway, can we aim for Sunday, say around 10:00AM? I know a great coffeeshop in midtown where we can schmooze...

Unfortunately, I have plans on Sunday to see Margalit and her children, who are in from way out of town.

Unfortunately, I have plans for Sunday with a friend from high school :( Avenue Q is supposed to be awesome. Enjoy!

He didn't give up, I'll give him that, and we exchanged a bunch of emails:

SOS: Bummer... Are you free Friday?
A: Probably. I'll be with my mom, sister, and the kids, but I could meet you for a little bit.
SOS: Well, it usually doesn't take much time for women to fall for me -- especially if they're intelligent & have good taste, as you seem to. ;-) Once again, apologies for getting "booked up" Sat. evening... Can we say Friday morning in midtown?

I think I was starting to lose patience with him.

A: I'm going to be in Queens on Friday, I really don't want to spend an hour on the train each way to go to Midtown. 
SOS: i was comin' to Midtown to be closer to you since -- as i recalled -- you live in manhattan. i'll be in [Queens neighborhood] thursday nite. where in Queens will u be on Friday? 
A: Not very close, I'm afraid; I'll be in [not very adjacent Queens neighborhood]. I'm spending the weekend there. I'm going back to Manhattan on Sunday to spend time with my friend and her kids. 
SOS: Sounds great! As I recall, it's a 15-minute drive from your sister's neighborhood to my mom's, which I'd gladly make -- except I'm car-less when I visit NY City... If you're willing to swing by forest hills on Friday morning, let me know. I'd love to finally meet you!

Is he really asking me to drive to meet him? I don't have a car in NYC either, and I also haven't driven in about 10 years.

A: I don't have a car either, unfortunately. I haven't driven since 2000, and I don't know Queens at all. I'd like to meet you too, but I can't drive to Forest Hills.

Not a word since. Guess I won't be meeting him after all.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Ayelet gets a love letter

A dating coach once told me I should have professional pictures taken. After having a makeup artist do my makeup. I maintained that the photo I use as my profile picture is flattering enough. And apparently a man on Supertova agrees:

Hello,

I wish I knew where to start or what to say after looking at your picture for such a long time. I was going through female profiles as I am a new member of this site when I saw your profile. Words can’t explain how I feel about you just looking at your picture. I know you might have gotten lots of praises already, but the fact cannot be changed that you are indeed a pretty woman. I will be honored to be your friend. That is if you give me the chance to. I am a total gentleman and I know you will find that out for yourself as time goes on.

I will wait for your reply in anticipation. With all my heart, Jasper

I have to say, in my 13 or so years of internet dating, I have never gotten an email like that. Who is Jasper?

City: Baltimore
Height: 6'1" (185 cm)
Age: 45
Marital Status: Widowed
Body Type: Athletic Build
Exercise: Daily
Politics: Prefer not to say
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Religion: Jewish-In Conversion Process
Frequency of Synagogue: Sometimes
Kosher: I just don't eat pork
Willing to make Aliyah?: Yes
Children: Yes, I have 1
Want Children: Yes
Profession: self employed business owner
Education: Bachelors Degree
Salary: Prefer not to say
Relocate: Yes

About Me: I'm a very passionate person who loves to share an intense, deep and meaningful love with my mate. I believe the decisions we make, are a direct result of who we have allowed ourselves to become. While we are influenced by our surroundings, our surroundings don't define who we are today or who we will become in the future. Our choices in how we treat others, who we surround ourselves with, how we react to outside influences, and whether our decisions are based on our core principals or emotional influences will define who we are. I'm in touch with who I am, and what I want in life. I'm looking for a partner who is in touch with who they are and what they want in life as well

Perfect First Date: I'm searching for someone who is strong and secure, a woman who wants a man to share life experiences with. I look forward to sharing my life with someone who isn't afraid to let themselves experience love and affection without putting up walls and shielding their heart. I want to share passsion and intimacy that will keep us young at heart for years to come.

I'm truly flummoxed. Flattered but apprehensive. I know people will say "What's the harm in speaking to him?" but he seems to be trying way too hard, although as a widower, it's possible he hasn't been dating recently and has forgotten how to take things one step at a time. He just reminds me of that Persian guy Bijan. The one who would be "cold as a stone" if I didn't spend hours every week on the phone with him, and who doesn't care if I'm single for the next 40 years. Also, I'm not sure if I'm comfortable being with a man whose knowledge of Judaism is less than mine.

TikunOlam, I could use your help with this one.

Tonight I'm going to a trivia night at a local synagogue. Should see several of my friends, maybe make a few new ones. Gotta go pick out something red to wear.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Sudoku therapy

I don't like being alone with my thoughts. I tend to ruminate, as do many with mood disorders. So I like being distracted, either reading or watching TV, and reading the free newspapers on the subway during my commute. The newspapers have crosswords and Sudoku puzzles, and for a while I just did the crosswords. But that got too easy; I'd finish quickly and had to sit through 15-20 non-distracted minutes.

So I started doing the Sudokus, and now I'm hooked. One Sudoku puzzle can occupy me during my entire commute to and from work. Usually I don't finish them, which initially bothered me, but then I started seeing that I was making progress -- finishing a bigger chunk by the end of the commute.

Seeing progress at learning a new skill is giving me a sense of mastery and competence. So despite a horrible group last week, and a very unpleasant supervision session this past Monday going over that fiasco, I'm feeling okay today.

Get some free Sudoku therapy here!
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Sunday, November 14, 2010

A really great description of me

You are tradition-minded, you are respectful of Jewish customs/way of life and they are important to you. You might not believe in the Orthodox creed in the absolute sense and you do/might have doubts about Orthodox theology (Torah L'Moshe MiSinai, etc.) but that doesn't mean that you can't see yourself living within the Orthodox sphere if there is sufficient impetus to do so (the right guy). Orthodox Judaism is not antithetical to your being, it's just not inherently who you are.

Can you tell it was written by a lawyer?

Kalev emailed me a few weeks ago for advice on a girl he likes, and we've been corresponding ever since. He's good friends with Mara Dreck but manages not to get caught between us. Now that things are over with Ivan the Terrible (my new name for JV), I guess it's not much of an issue.

Anyway, today Kalev emailed me to ask how my Shabbos was. I said it was fine -- it was -- and asked how his was. He wrote back:

Shabbos was very nice! I was in Teaneck (shocking, I know!), had dinner at Mara's with a number of other singles (I knew all but one of them, the one woman I didn't know is 27). 

A singles dinner in Teaneck. Wonder if there were any guys for me? Apparently not, as I asked and he responded:

I'm inclined to say no. I was the oldest guy there, one of the guys is considerably to the right of me, one guy (I believe) is generally interested in women in their early 30s and the other guy is 29. What (who) are you looking for in a guy?

Good question.

Someone close to my age, intelligent, professional, nice, and Jewish to some extent of practice and identity. Right now I can be flexible for the right guy, as long as the house is kosher, the kids go to Jewish schools, and all the holidays are celebrated. I can be MO, I can be Conservative.

Which made me feel kind of wishy-washy. But he responded:

Very flexible of you!

And very diplomatic of him.

Thanks for not thinking it's hypocritical

I wrote, and he wrote back

Why would it be hypocritical (of course I'm not a very judgmental person)? You are tradition-minded, you are respectful of Jewish customs/way of life and they are important to you. You might not believe in the Orthodox creed(?) in the absolute sense and you do/might have doubts about Orthodox theology (Torah L'Moshe MiSinai, etc.) but that doesn't mean that you can't see yourself living within the Orthodox sphere if there is sufficient impetus to do so (the right guy). Orthodox Judaism is not antithetical to your being, it's just not inherently who you are.

I admire nonjudgmental people. I wish I could be more like them. I'm trying, but it's difficult. He did a great job summarizing where I stand on this. Too bad I don't find him remotely attractive.

And too bad I'm not attracted to the 51yo. He's a nice guy, but there was no chemistry. Looks a lot older than his photo. He went to the wrong location, so the date started 15 minutes late. He ordered herbal tea and asked for a paper cup, so I didn't feel comfortable ordering cake. (Although probably he did me a favor, as I really don't need cake these days.) Also, I knew he was just penciling me in -- he told me he was going to a concert this evening, and on the date told me he was going to meet friends for dinner before the concert. If I had liked him, I might have been offended.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Friday, November 12, 2010

Charge of the youth brigade

I woke up this morning to a Jwed Icebreaker from a 50yo man who's been visiting my profile frequently. I don't find him attractive, perhaps in part because he doesn't have a college degree but also because he just looks old. Really old. Bald, graying hair, wrinkles. So I sent him a polite rejection and thought, "Here it goes again... the parade of interest from repellent men, while the attractive ones ignore me." Because I'm an optimist.

Later in the day, I got a Jwed email from a cute 33yo who lives in London:

[real name] im on facebook would love chat

Not very grammatical, but maybe it was just a quick note. This is his profile:

Grew up in: London
Consider relocation? Yes
Wishing to make aliyah to Israel? No
Jewish Education: yeshiva/seminary
Secular Education: Bachelors Degree
Languages Spoken: English, Hebrew
Political Beliefs: middle of the road
Occupation: currently a student.
Hobbies and Interests: MUSIC T.V. READING

What Modern Orthodox Liberal means to me:
KEEPING SHABBAT, KEEPING KOSHER LEARNING TORAH
DAILY. BEING A MENTCH
GIVING ZEDAKAH, RESPECTING PEOPLE.

This is how I describe myself:
KIND, PATIENT, CARING, HONEST, FRIENDLY.
HELPFUL, A LISTENER. HAPPY PERSONALITY, ROMANTIC, WELL WISHER,
IT IS IMPORTANT TO TREAT PEOPLE WITH RESPECT. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF IT IS IMPORTANT. FAMILY IS IMPORTANT TO ME.

This is what I am looking for in a mate:
KIND CARING CONSIDERATE FRIENDLY.
SHOMEMRET SHAbatKASHRUT CHAGIM,
MODERN ORTHODOX,
SOMEONE WHO PLACES IMPORTANCE ON SPENDING LOTS OF QUALITY TIME WITH HER OTHER HALF. FAMILY IMPORTANCE.NOT TO LOUD, CALM
NOT TO OUTGOING.
SENSITIVE THOUGHTFUL.

Again, not very grammatical, although he seems nice enough. But what bemused me was his age. Why would a 33-year-old want to contact me? Most of the men that much younger than I am don't approach me with honorable intentions. So initially I was skeptical. Then I thought, why not give him the benefit of the doubt?

Thanks for the message. I would prefer to communicate on Jwed at the start, if that's okay with you. Shabbat shalom, or if you're reading this Saturday night, shavua tov.

Fine, whatever, I went back to work. Taking another short break, I got this email on Facebook:

I found you in the "biggest chanukah party" group and I see that you are attending. I also see we have some mutual friends and I would love to connect if you are open to it. Please add me as a friend and let's be in touch.

I decided that I need to get out and be social at least once a week, so I've been signing up for parties and events, including that Chanukah party. So I looked at the guy's profile. (Let's call him "Chanukah Party Guy" or CPG.) And he looks... cute, but young. Maybe 30, although he could be older than he looks.

This kind of thing doesn't happen to me often. I'm usually overlooked at parties, and I've never been singled out like this from an event list. But... what the heck? I added CPG as a friend and wished him a good Shabbos at 1:11. At 1:13 he wrote:

You too!

We do know a number of people in common, including, ironically, Jersey Jake. I haven't gotten in touch with any of them -- I'll let CPG make the moves. He took the initiative; according to the Rules, I should keep letting him chase me, while simultaneously being as nice as possible and somewhat elusive. Wonder if I can pull that off.

Oh -- and I'm having coffee with the Chabad-friendly 51yo on Sunday afternoon. He's going to a concert that evening and suggested we meet in the late afternoon. I assumed that meant we would just meet for coffee, so I suggested we go to Cafe Edgar. I'll let you know how it goes.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Thursday, November 11, 2010

With Facebook friends like these

Apparently even my Facebook friends who also suffer from mental illness are getting tired of my bellyaching. One IMed me to say that my blog posts were sounding whiny and no longer amusing. He has depression, so he's something of an expert on whiny.

Tonight I posted "Ayelet Survivor is sa lonely girl" in my status update.

You are seriously starting to sound pathetic...

emailed another friend.

Thanks for the feedback :)

I responded. I wasn't going to let him bait me.

You have been broken up as long as I have and you continue to act like it was last night. Good God, cut it out already. the longer you continue to obsess over it, the longer it will take you to move on. Do you seriously think you can move on with anyone while you continue to obsess over someone else?

By the way, a much better default pic. much better than the ancient Egyptian woman you used to have on there. I will be in Time Square this weekend to see the Tut exhibit, maybe I will see that woman painted somewhere on the relics?

I changed my profile picture from a self-portrait by Frida Kahlo, the 20th-century Mexican artist, to van Gogh's "Starry Night." But I'm not going to be an intellectual snob and mock him for not recognizing her. In fact, I don't think I'll answer.

I realize I'm kvetching more than usual lately. But I lost an important long-term relationship, I was demoted at work, they're reassigning me to work with clients I hate, and I'm interviewing for jobs while trying to get back into dating. I live in Rejection Central, and it's draining. Anyone who can't support me should probably either unfriend me or hide me from their news feed.

Fortunately, some friends can and do offer support. I got another email tonight:

On a serious note, my heart goes out to you. I don't know what to do, but your postings tear at the already raw strings of my soul. All I can do is just send u a virtual hug in empathy. Believe me I know what loneliness is all about.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

What's the deal with Jersey Jake?

After not hearing from Jersey Jake for a week, I unfriended him on Facebook. He sent me a confused friend request saying something like, "didn't we used to be friends on here?" and I re-friended him. And nothing. So last Friday afternoon I sent an email to the friend that introduced us (in real life), because I figured he should know how things turned out:

Hi Chanan, hope you and the family are well.

I'm not sure what the deal with Jersey Jake is. He and I met briefly and spoke a few times over Simchat Torah. He emailed me saying you thought he and I had some things in common. I asked what, and I never heard back from him. I unfriended him on Facebook, which he noticed and sent me another friend request. I accepted it, but I don't think he wants to go out with me.

Thank you so much for thinking of me, and I hope you have a wonderful Shabbos.

He wrote back yesterday:

Hey Ayelet -- It's good to hear from you. I didn't see this email on Friday and I don't have internet access at home right now.

I am sorry to hear about what you're describing. I haven't followed up with Jersey Jake since he told me you and he met in person. The few times we've talked it has been about other stuff. He's a gentleman, so I would imagine he would be in touch with you one way or another.

I'll look into it and get back to you. Talk to you soon.

Apparently Chanan thinks what Jersey Jake did was wrong, or at least inappropriate. And wouldn't have known unless I'd said something. Kinda drives home the point that all the good men are married already ;)
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Sunday, November 07, 2010

Two Jwedders I will NOT be contacting

Sometimes you wonder why a person is in their 40s and single. And sometimes you don't have to wonder. Let's take a look at Precious Paul:

43, Male
Single, without children
Conservadox, from a traditional family
Grew up in: State of Confusion

I should have stopped reading after that groan-inducing pun...

Jewish Education: Hebrew school
Secular Education: Bachelors Degree
Languages Spoken: English
Political Beliefs: right wing
Occupation: Entertainment/Media
Hobbies and Interests: Classic Cars, Jewish Causes, Charitable Work, Animal Welfare

Okay, so far not so bad.

This is how I describe myself: Handsome Reward for information leading to the introduction and meeting of THE only NORMAL, mentally stable, emotionally balanced, honest, non game-playing, physically attractive, SJF on an internet dating site! Legend has it, she really does exist. But after some previous web-dating experiences, I can't help but wonder if I'm in search of The Loch Ness Monster!

Sounds like someone has a little baggage. And that doesn't describe Precious Paul, just what he wants and how frustrated he is that he hasn't found it.

I could be like everyone else who posts personal ads and go on and on about myself. How good-looking I am (I have yet to see an ad "Homely SJF seeks SJ Mensch"), my likes and dislikes, what a great guy I am (after all, there's no praise like self-praise); and my personal favorite, "Tired of the Bar Scene" (Shocking! How could any woman get tired of being hit on by packs of lustful, intoxicated men looking for one thing?!). And seriously, who doesn't like "long walks on the beach under the stars, " "Romantic candle-lit dinners" and  "Intimate evenings at home in front of the fireplace with that special someone."

All this tells me very little about him except that Precious Paul thinks he's very witty.

And does it really matter if I like frequenting museums or NASCAR races... going bowling or going to the opera... stamp-collecting or collecting rocks? What DOES matter is the character of a person. I consider myself to be of strong character, with high morals and good values.

Now that I find useful. He's right: what matters most is character. And according to him, his is the best.

I treat the woman in my life with the same respect in which I treat my mother & sisters. I'm protective of those close to me... NOT possessive. I have NO baggage & I'm not into games! Serious Inquiries Only!

I like men who respect women. But: no baggage? Really?

What kind of woman is he interested in?

In search of a S.E.X.Y. J.E.W. (Smart Easygoing Xtraordinary Youthful Jewish Emotionally stable Woman). I'm attracted to strong, intelligent, very feminine women. Someone with an ever-so-slightly sarcastic sense of humor.

Actually, that pretty much describes Ayelet. Except for the "emotionally stable" part. Maybe I should contact him.

Others have described me as Good-hearted, kind, giving, caring, strong, confident, sexy, passionate, romantic, unique, fit, too intelligent for my own good, funny, sarcastic, with a bit of an "edge." Superficially speaking, the general female consensus seems to be I have "really sexy eyes, " "a great smile, " and "an amazing physique." Now that I think of it... I guess I'm seeking the female me! (preferably a bit prettier, with curves in different places). Someone who believes in a relationship, the pronouns "us" and "we" should be used far more than "I" and "me." Also, must love animals! I rescued 3 dogs, a mouse and a harbor seal...2 of which now live with me... you guess which 2 ;-)

How bad can a guy who loves animals be? My cousin Yaffa used to rescue seals.

Those who are needy, have major baggage, game-players, carnival freaks, trolls, escapees (or those who were released on good behavior), anyone weighing more than a Buick, and gay men (attract enough of them on my own for some strange reason) NEED NOT APPLY! If you're ready to settle down... but NOT settle, would love to hear from you!

"Anyone weighing more than a Buick"? "Carnival freaks, trolls"? Where's that stellar character he was telling us about? Precious Paul, your Freudian slip is showing. I will not be contacting you.

Then there's Dude in Denial. All you need to know about him is that he's 43, he's a musician/teacher, and this:

I am looking for a young lady of any religious background, never married, never having lived in a marriage life situation. I am more comfortable with shy girls who are substantially younger than I am. She should be between the approximate ages of 18 and 25. She should have old fashioned values and want a family. It is up to her if she would like a career or be a traditional wife. I would like our relationship to be interdependent.

No, dude, you want her to be completely dependent on you, with no basis for comparison. A 43yo man who wants to marry an 18yo girl, young enough to be his daughter? That's just deluded.

Friday night I was called "very harsh" by someone for saying it's a good thing that men like Dude in Denial probably won't reproduce. I stand by my statement.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Filed under "What's your point?"

Got an email this morning from a reasonably attractive someone on OKCupid:

Are you a shy woman??

I've looked at his profile a few times. Is this his way of asking why I haven't contacted him? He doesn't list a religion, so I haven't wanted to start anything. But he asked me a question, no reason not to answer it.

I think so.

Let's see how he responds.

too bad

Not very illuminating.

why?

Because now I'm curious. Not really interested, but curious.

I wanted to write you how attractive you are and tell you what great lips and a smile you have

Okay... this is the second man in a week to mention my "great lips." Should I stop thinking that's an inappropriate compliment?

Thank you :) I'm not too shy to accept a nice compliment.

Where will he take this?

you are welcome

Not very far. Guess I'll leave it at that.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Saturday, November 06, 2010

Shouldn't be irritated, but I am

Last night I went to a "rotating tables" Shabbos dinner. It was interesting. I recognized a few men who've rejected me on Frumster, and actually had a conversation with one of them. Not sure if he recognized me, although I suspect he did from the way he sized me up before complementing the pearls I was wearing. The pearls, which I agonized over buying, excited a fair amount of attention. I think they're my new "singles event" conversation piece of jewelry.

I also met an older gentleman who sized me up fairly accurately as "pretty, intelligent, classy, and judgmental." I can't recreate the conversation -- I'm not feeling too well these days, and when I'm mildly depressed I'm not as good a writer. But he urged me not to reject men based on rigid notions of where they should have gone to school, what kind of job they should have, and how old they are. He acknowledged that it's stupid for men my age to reject me as too old, but still insisted I should be open to dating older me.

I ruminated about that all day today. I don't know why I have such a distaste for older men. I could say it's because I lost my father when I was young, and I don't want to be a young widow like my mother was. Aside from that, I can't understand this visceral antipathy. Part of me wonders if that's what's kept me single this long. Part of me is furious that I waited this long to get married and it won't be even close to wonderful.

Tonight, I turned on my computer and found two messages, one from Max and one from the enthusiastic Woo Hoo (I can't think of another name for him). I should be pleased, but I found both messages just... irritating.

First, from Max:

Do you get on yahoo messenger most times? It would be good if we could fix up a time to meet daily so that we can take this further.

I don't have Yahoo messenger, I don't want Yahoo messenger, I thought we'd been over this! I was immediately irked, but I think I managed to answer politely:

Shavua tov. I don't have Yahoo messenger, remember? That's why I gave you my phone number.

I wanted to say, "If you want to take this further, call me as we discussed." But I didn't.

Then I read WH's latest:

Shabbat Shalom. Did you have a good day?

Twice this darned system has deleted my witty replies. Very annoying. You went to school in (city) . Were you ever at the (famous vegetarian restaurant)? I'd like to go there once in my lifetime. After I finally visit Woodstock. Do you have the alcohol cert too? Is that ACSW? Are you in private practice? Do you practice in Manhattan? Lots of questions, sorry!

Anything acoustic? Stuff like Crosby Stills & Nash? That opens up a myriad of possibilities. The whole folk genre, lots of interesting stuff. Have you acquired any reeally good music recently? Something that you've been listening to often? I've been listening to a fw things. Sondre Lerche, he wrote the soundtrack to the movie Dan in Real Life. An amusing movie. I just got Chicago live at Carnegie Hall.. 4 CDs recorded when they did a week there in '72. Amazing raw stuff. not the soft rock bland band of the last 15-20 years. This was Terry Kath leading them! talk about Woo Hoo.

WH's are completely exhausted at this point and ordered in Chinese. So it will be Chinese a movie on the tube, then sleep. my body does not recognize the difference between week days and week ends. LOL! Too bad.

What the -- ?  Is there something wrong with me to think this is inane and annoying stream-of-consciousness drivel? I don't even want to answer him. I don't even know what to say to this!

I just want a guy who is close to me in age to ask me out on a date. Apparently I need to get over that.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Friday, November 05, 2010

A critique from the Jwed COO

A few days ago, Jwed started following me on twitter. I was a little surprised, but since I blog about Jwed and Frumster (which are two dating websites owned by the same company), I guess they're interested in what I have to say about their product. I also got this comment from Igal, their COO, on a recent post:

When you’re ready for something Jewish and something real, join JWed.com to meet singles who are authentically Jewish and genuinely interested in marriage. 10,000+ actively use JWed and over 1,700 have already gotten married.

Been there, done that. I responded:

I'm already on Jwed. I've been ignored by at least 15 men in the past 2 months. I sent them "icebreakers" or initial contact emails and didn't hear anything back. 

He's not easily deterred:

Thanks for the response. Maybe I can take a look at your profile and give some recommendations? I would love to help. We also have a full-time customer service girl at your service as well.

Why not? I'm already a paying member. So I sent him a link to my profile, and he responded:

You are cute smart and funny. You love family and you are looking for someone that wants the same. You do not mind men that were previously married and have their own kids - in fact, you would love to be a stepmother. This overall is very well written. Now for the critique :)

I would take this part of your profile out: "Seriously, I would love to be a stepmother. I promise I won't be evil, except when I make them a) go to bed, b) brush their teeth, c) eat their vegetables, and d) clean their rooms."

It may scare some men off. They may think we aren’t even dating and she is already thinking of what to order my kids! Remember less is more here.

Additionally, I see your photo has not been updated for a while. Having fresh photos every few weeks can do wonders to a profile. You are a pretty girl no reason not to flaunt it ;)

Finally and most importantly, make sure to send short customized messages. I see you are sending a lot of Icebreakers. Icebreakers are meant to be sent to basic members to see if someone is serious before you take the time and energy to write to them. If you are sending a message to a Premium members sending a customized note will get you a lot further in terms of responses.

Please let me know what happens when you take the above advice. I hope to be invited to your wedding :)

Hm. I took out the section he recommended and replaced it with "I love children, so if you have kids, that's a plus." But more pictures? Updating them every few weeks? I don't take that many pictures of myself, mainly because I don't photograph well. The pictures I've posted are the best pictures I have, and there aren't any recent photos I would want to include. I guess I could switch up some of the old ones I have until I get some more taken.

And no more Icebreakers. Okay, then I had another question for him:

Thanks for the detailed critique. One question: if I already sent someone an "Icebreaker" and got no response, is it worth sending a short message now?

I kind of doubt it. If someone attractive sent me an icebreaker, I'd respond. But Igal thinks differently:

Of course it is. It's never too late :) Tell him you think his profile is good and you think he deserved a custom message :)

Feel free to tweet my comments or write in your blog about it!

No worries, mate; that's a given ;) I guess I will contact the men I sent icebreakers to. And if they still don't respond... well, more grist for the blog, right?
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

He's enthusiastic; I'm just not that into him

Yesterday I got an email on Jwed:

Subject: Woo Hoo
Message: Hi Ayelet, I really enjoyed your profile. It made me smile. You go right to the heart of the matter with a guy, don't you? The first paragraph, "I'm an excellent cook". There is no doubt in my mind that you are one smart woman. And for my part, that's what I look for in a potential mate, intelligence. I don't mind watching chick flicks, plus I am still in the 10 year range! I should be getting beacoup bonus points here, maybe even a return e-mail too.

First thing, you are saying why doesn't mister wonderful have a picture posted? Well, I will be glad to provide one if you are interested. I've never been enamored with putting my photo out there. I would classify myself as conservadox too! Not too many of us out there, but I prefer to sit with my partner in shul. I have a big mouth and could rattle on for days, so I'll wait to hear about you. I'm pretty laid back, so if there are any of those interview questions you'd like to ask, be my guest.

He's definitely enthusiastic. Why am I not excited? He strikes me as weird. What does his profile say?

49, Male, in NJ
Divorced, without children
Conservative, from a secular family
Jewish Education: hebrew school
Secular Education: Some University
Political Beliefs: right wing
Occupation: Buyer
Hobbies and Interests: Varied

Not thrilled about "some" university. He's also on the older end of the spectrum for me.

Shabbat observance: Ritual observance (Kiddush, Synagogue, etc)
Kashrut: Not "Kosher" but no meat/dairy or pork, etc.
The role of Judaism in my life: I attend shul fairly regularly, I enjoy celebrating shabbat and the holidays

This is how I describe myself: I am an easygoing laidback man that likes to smile. I tend to see the idiocy of the world around me and be amused by it. Never too high or too low, I appreciate the simple things life has to offer and treasure them.

This is what I am looking for in a mate: A woman that wants to go to shul and celebrate being Jewish by observing shabbat and the holidays. She would want to start a family. Enjoy spending time having fun, be a bit free spirited. Enjoy music and going to concerts and shows. A person for whom life holds joy and pleasure.

Well, being laid-back is definitely a good thing, since I'm so high-strung. I guess I could write him back. I don't understand why he won't post his photos on here, though.

Thanks for your message. I would like to see a picture, but I usually like to wait a bit before giving out my email address. Can you tell me more about what you do for a living and what you like to do for fun?

He wrote back quickly.

My official work title is Senior Buyer. i work for a local branch of a large packaging company. Along with that title, I work lot's of hours, am the unofficial Purchasing Manager/Ops Manager/Office Manager/Office Confessor. Want to buy a corrugated ctn? I could probable tell you far more about them than any one person wants or should know. That's work

Fun? I am a self confessed music junkie. I love listening, downloading, lurking in record/CD stores, collecting, going to the occasional show, I love reading. Sometimes I too like cooking, During the warmer weather going to NYC to walk around, I am pretty open to most activities. And you?

All right, that's all fine, but I need to see a picture.

I love reading and exploring NYC as well. I've been going to shows more lately, which has been a lot of fun.

So when will you post your photo on here so I can take a look?

Short answer: He won't.

You are really going to make me post pictures? I promise I'm not much of a stalker if you send me an e-mail address.

I don't understand why he doesn't just post pictures on his profile. That's basic online dating etiquette. But... why get hung up on it? I sent him an old email address that I hardly use. And his pictures were... okay. At 49 years old, should he really have a ponytail? Or am I just being too judgmental again? Probably.

The pics are fine. Can you tell me why you didn't finish college?

Stuff like that I need to know.

It's a long story: I went to the University of Hartford after high school. I honestly hated school at that time in my life, nor was I emotionally ready to be on my own. I dropped out after one semester. After a year or so if that, I ended up in the Navy. Best investment in my time I ever made. I grew up fast, learned a lot, traveled, became a man. I continued to take a class here and there throughout those years, took a few more in the ensuing years. About 6 years ago I decided to finish. I started taking online courses through the University Alliance. I was back in school through Saint Leo University. I was taking two courses a semester which is considered full time. Let me tell you, it's far harder going to school online, but I loved it. I switched jobs 4 years ago this Feb, and I soon realized that there was no way I could be successful at either endeavor while in this position. My GPA was 3.8 I have 92 credits meaning I am essentially 28 credits or my senior year shy of my BA in business administration with a minor in management. Currently, and I won't sugar coat it, I work anywhere from 50-55 hours a week.

That's a whole other story in itself. But, I plan to walk the walk and get my degree before the ride is done. It's a promise I've made myself. Do not think I am not educated because I don't have that diploma, I've had enough life's experience, on the job education, and life time experience to consider myself very well rounded.

Okay, so he's very busy. I guess we should try to set up a time to talk?

Good answer. What's the next step?

I guess I wasn't clear enough.

That's a very open ended question isn't it? The next step for me? The next step for you and I as far as e-mailing? LOL! If we are talking about me, I have a slew of feelers out there. I am extremely underpaid for the roles I play. i would like to find a purchasing manager position where I can take my extraordinary skills and use them to best help my new employers. I'd also like to find a woman who is ready to share all of the things life offers, both good and bad. Someone to shower with the abundance of love I have to share.

How about you? Where did you go to school? Tell me about your professional life? Tell me on which rung of that Jewish learning ladder are you? Are you kosher? I am a vegetarian, so I am basically kosher. I just started to eat fish after many years. Are you shomer shabbat? Do you like music? What are your favorites? Road trips?

I guess I can answer that for him. If he wants to talk to me, eventually he'll suggest it. I told him which schools I attended and added:

Basically, what you read in my profile about my professional life is about it. I work with individuals and in groups to help people stop using drugs.

In terms of Jewish learning, I've been observant at some level since age 19. I've gone to classes and learned with friends. Right now I'm probably less observant than in the past. I do love music, especially anything with acoustic guitar.

But I didn't suggest we talk, or meet. Why do I not really want to go out with this guy?
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Giving the classical musician another shot

Comments on my post about the pianist seemed to suggest I was dismissing him too easily. So I responded to his Tova-flirt:

Thanks for writing. Can you tell me more about yourself?

And got this response:

Can I e-mail you to your address? cuddlepianist@hotmail.com is my address.

As you notice I am a professional classical pianist. I teach and I play recitals. Now I am in Buenos Aires finishing a recording at EMI studio and I hope to get back by the end of November.

Basically, I am very supportive, open minded, rationale, honest and not playing games ever in terms of looking for a serious and stable relationship. I hope you too.

Perhaps, If you have Skype we can chat longer and know each other better.

I hope to meet you in person very soon.

Still nothing about his kids or lack thereof. Not much more about his personality, likes/dislikes, etc. And I'm not going to start emailing off the site or Skyping with him. Especially since he's out of the continent for the next few weeks.

I would rather email on here for a while. How exciting that you're in Buenos Aires! But can you tell me more about your personality, your background, your family?

I'll keep you posted.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"