Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Am I "Chabad Friendly" enough for this man?

The Kallah and Elah thought of a potential match for me and sent me the following profile: 

I am a Baal Teshuva whose journey started a little over eleven years ago. I am Ashkenazi and grew up in a traditional home. I attended Hebrew school three days a week for nine years. I am an Yisroel. I daven with a minyan three times a day and study Torah daily. I go to many shiurim during the week, including learning with a chavrusa.

Besides my learning, I am very active and energetic, with diverse interests - an avid runner (I have run six marathons), enjoy museums, music, and travel (I went to Prague, Czech Republic and Israel at the end of June). I know when to be serious, but can lighten up at the appropriate time (i.e, I have a good sense of humor). I am also into sports and nutrition (eating/living healthy).

I am a kind, sensitive, considerate, and caring individual. Other attributes include: trustworthy; slow to anger; humble; and a good sense of humor. I am a good listener and a loyal friend.

I am looking for an attractive, refined, kind, intelligent woman, with a good heart. She should be nurturing, warm, outgoing, and a good listener. She should have yirat shamayim (fear of Heaven). She should also be "Chabad friendly."

I am open to meeting someone who was never married, divorced, or widowed. I am also open to meeting someone who is a convert. IY"H, I would like to have children of my own, and thus, would like to meet someone in their mid- to late-30s to a early 40s. If previously married, I am open to meeting someone with up to two children. I would prefer to meet someone who only wears skirts and fully covers their hair.

In his picture, he wears a trimmed beard. He is definitely educated and cultured, and seems professionally stable (I took out the details, but he's got an advanced degree and what sounds like a very responsible job). And he's definitely in better shape and health than I am, so maybe I shouldn't care how old he is. He looks to be in his late 40s, but I'm no spring chicken myself.

The question is: can I legitimately go back to my pre-JV lifestyle and pretend I didn't spend most of a year driving on Shabbos and eating in non-kosher restaurants? Can I commit to covering all of my hair all of the time? (Skirts aren't much of an issue; I don't fit pants well, don't really wear them anymore. Some of my skirts might be too short.)

Even if I can, there's no guarantee he'll find me attractive (which is the first attribute he lists; I suppose honesty should win him some credit). I guess I could have a cup of coffee with him.

Wait -- does he keep cholov yisroel? That might be a problem.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. On the one hand, he seems too frum. And the specifications that he prefers someone never married seems very picky for a guy his age.

    On the other hand, our mutual friend B married someone who is quasi-Lubavich and they're very happy, so you never know.

  2. Wait -- does he keep cholov yisroel? That might be a problem.

    Don't worry, there's a frum brand version of Milky Way that's chalav yisrael, so you can still have a deep fried milky way :-)

  3. philo,
    he meant he is open to someone single (never married)
    OR divorced, OR widowed. Thus the next statements
    about ALSO OPEN (implying openness in previous statement) , and the yet next sentence, where he states he is open to stepfathering two children, but no more.

    i am OTD, would never again marry someone frum (but hapily married to someone frum right now, so moot), and hate Chabad. All by way of some introduction to say: how oppressive would you find it to be Chabadish with the right guy? I know nothing about you, other than your blog, but you seem to be pretty open to frumkeit, and you seem like you would handle Chabad crap pretty well too. You can get used to anything, even cholov yisroel (tho, of course, I would always recommend stopping that chumrah (and all others) b4 it gets started, if you have the chance).
    much luck
    liza bennett