Sunday, November 28, 2010

Finally -- a GREAT first date!

Two, actually.

I survived Thanksgiving. I realized that my sister can take about two days of my company before she starts slinging random insults. This will probably inform my future visits. I spent a lot of time aunting my niece Shira, who is taking the divorce very hard.

Friday morning I met SOS for coffee at Dunkin' Donuts. We had a very nice conversation. I felt comfortable with him. He complemented my looks, my intelligence, and my sense of humor. I'm perfectly willing to keep in touch with him, although I recognize that long-distance relationships are difficult to negotiate.

Halfway through the date my phone rang.

"Is that your next date?" joked SOS. Actually it was -- Southern Gentleman was checking in. He wasn't 100% sure of his schedule -- has to travel on business and didn't know if he was leaving Sunday or Monday, wanted to meet on Sunday if he was still in town. I left him a message that I was having lunch with a friend Sunday afternoon and would be available later in the day. Sunday morning he called twice -- before and after listening to my message. He said he could meet me after 5. I called back and actually got him, and we arranged to meet at Starbucks at 6:30.

First things first: he is CUTE. Sorta my toxic type -- short and blond -- but not big-headed. He grew up in Baltimore and speaks with a slight yeshivish accent, but he understood everything I said. Cultural references, big vocabulary words, all that. We also had a great conversation, he complimented me in various ways, and we basically agreed that personality and chemistry override any laundry list of characteristics you might think you want in a spouse.`

I ended the date after about an hour and 45 minutes -- always leave them wanting more, right? He walked me home and told me he had a good time. And that was it.

I guess I'll wait to hear from them. And keep my dance card filled. I made plans to have dinner with a FB friend tomorrow night, and I'm having lunch with a friend from social work school on Sunday. Just like I had lunch with a high school friend today. And I'm going to a party next Sunday night, where presumably I will meet Chanukah Party Guy.

I haven't heard anything lately from the passionate Greek Jasper or the expat Brit Neville in Florida. Neville in particular is out of luck -- I'm no longer a Jwed member, so I can't read emails from him anymore, and he never asked for my phone number. Haven't heard from the Israeli Techie, but I told him I'd be busy until after this weekend, so I'm not surprised. Have started corresponding with another person on Supertova, but I wouldn't be surprised if that doesn't go anywhere.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

4 comments:

  1. Just my fantasy beshert idea for you: I'm picturing someone observant, worldly and open minded. Someone approximately five or so years older than you. Some familiarity with bipolar or other mental health issues (maybe has a family member with similar situation). Appreciates your humor. Doesn't criticize but has a way of causing you to realize when you are about to make a mistake.

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  2. Ayelet: with complete respect, it doesn't seem to me like you "Finally [had] a GREAT first date!"

    I don't want to misrepresent your description of the date so I'll will take your words verbatim.

    "We also had a great conversation, he complimented me in various ways, and we basically agreed that personality and chemistry override any laundry list of characteristics you might think you want in a spouse."

    whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Was that a 34 word sentence?

    First dates are designed to produce a number of relationship outcomes. To my way of thinking, a good first date yields a good outcome. You say you "basically" agreed about something related to finding a spousal relationship.

    I'm curious, what was the good outcome?

    The paradox is that perhaps you might be better suited if you disagree about what makes a good relationship.

    "I ended the date after about an hour and 45 minutes -- always leave them wanting more, right? He walked me home and told me he had a good time. And that was it."

    Ayelet, what is it that he was wanting more?

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  3. C, the good outcome was that we enjoyed each other's company. That doesn't happen on the majority of my dates, and it's the most basic prerequisite for marriage. If you don't enjoy spending time together, how can you possibly have a relationship. He and I come from very different backgrounds, but we got along anyway. It's a good first step.

    What is he wanting more of? My time and attention.

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  4. C, what exactly is your problem? After much heartache and disappointment, Ayelet actually meets up with a guy she enjoys being with, who seems like he likes her too. Of course it is only a start, but seeing that the guy seems like "marriage material," why shouldn't she find this promising?
    And who is in a better position to decide whether a date was "great" -- the person who actually went on the date, or someone reading a description of said date on a blog??

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