Friday, November 05, 2010

He's enthusiastic; I'm just not that into him

Yesterday I got an email on Jwed:

Subject: Woo Hoo
Message: Hi Ayelet, I really enjoyed your profile. It made me smile. You go right to the heart of the matter with a guy, don't you? The first paragraph, "I'm an excellent cook". There is no doubt in my mind that you are one smart woman. And for my part, that's what I look for in a potential mate, intelligence. I don't mind watching chick flicks, plus I am still in the 10 year range! I should be getting beacoup bonus points here, maybe even a return e-mail too.

First thing, you are saying why doesn't mister wonderful have a picture posted? Well, I will be glad to provide one if you are interested. I've never been enamored with putting my photo out there. I would classify myself as conservadox too! Not too many of us out there, but I prefer to sit with my partner in shul. I have a big mouth and could rattle on for days, so I'll wait to hear about you. I'm pretty laid back, so if there are any of those interview questions you'd like to ask, be my guest.

He's definitely enthusiastic. Why am I not excited? He strikes me as weird. What does his profile say?

49, Male, in NJ
Divorced, without children
Conservative, from a secular family
Jewish Education: hebrew school
Secular Education: Some University
Political Beliefs: right wing
Occupation: Buyer
Hobbies and Interests: Varied

Not thrilled about "some" university. He's also on the older end of the spectrum for me.

Shabbat observance: Ritual observance (Kiddush, Synagogue, etc)
Kashrut: Not "Kosher" but no meat/dairy or pork, etc.
The role of Judaism in my life: I attend shul fairly regularly, I enjoy celebrating shabbat and the holidays

This is how I describe myself: I am an easygoing laidback man that likes to smile. I tend to see the idiocy of the world around me and be amused by it. Never too high or too low, I appreciate the simple things life has to offer and treasure them.

This is what I am looking for in a mate: A woman that wants to go to shul and celebrate being Jewish by observing shabbat and the holidays. She would want to start a family. Enjoy spending time having fun, be a bit free spirited. Enjoy music and going to concerts and shows. A person for whom life holds joy and pleasure.

Well, being laid-back is definitely a good thing, since I'm so high-strung. I guess I could write him back. I don't understand why he won't post his photos on here, though.

Thanks for your message. I would like to see a picture, but I usually like to wait a bit before giving out my email address. Can you tell me more about what you do for a living and what you like to do for fun?

He wrote back quickly.

My official work title is Senior Buyer. i work for a local branch of a large packaging company. Along with that title, I work lot's of hours, am the unofficial Purchasing Manager/Ops Manager/Office Manager/Office Confessor. Want to buy a corrugated ctn? I could probable tell you far more about them than any one person wants or should know. That's work

Fun? I am a self confessed music junkie. I love listening, downloading, lurking in record/CD stores, collecting, going to the occasional show, I love reading. Sometimes I too like cooking, During the warmer weather going to NYC to walk around, I am pretty open to most activities. And you?

All right, that's all fine, but I need to see a picture.

I love reading and exploring NYC as well. I've been going to shows more lately, which has been a lot of fun.

So when will you post your photo on here so I can take a look?

Short answer: He won't.

You are really going to make me post pictures? I promise I'm not much of a stalker if you send me an e-mail address.

I don't understand why he doesn't just post pictures on his profile. That's basic online dating etiquette. But... why get hung up on it? I sent him an old email address that I hardly use. And his pictures were... okay. At 49 years old, should he really have a ponytail? Or am I just being too judgmental again? Probably.

The pics are fine. Can you tell me why you didn't finish college?

Stuff like that I need to know.

It's a long story: I went to the University of Hartford after high school. I honestly hated school at that time in my life, nor was I emotionally ready to be on my own. I dropped out after one semester. After a year or so if that, I ended up in the Navy. Best investment in my time I ever made. I grew up fast, learned a lot, traveled, became a man. I continued to take a class here and there throughout those years, took a few more in the ensuing years. About 6 years ago I decided to finish. I started taking online courses through the University Alliance. I was back in school through Saint Leo University. I was taking two courses a semester which is considered full time. Let me tell you, it's far harder going to school online, but I loved it. I switched jobs 4 years ago this Feb, and I soon realized that there was no way I could be successful at either endeavor while in this position. My GPA was 3.8 I have 92 credits meaning I am essentially 28 credits or my senior year shy of my BA in business administration with a minor in management. Currently, and I won't sugar coat it, I work anywhere from 50-55 hours a week.

That's a whole other story in itself. But, I plan to walk the walk and get my degree before the ride is done. It's a promise I've made myself. Do not think I am not educated because I don't have that diploma, I've had enough life's experience, on the job education, and life time experience to consider myself very well rounded.

Okay, so he's very busy. I guess we should try to set up a time to talk?

Good answer. What's the next step?

I guess I wasn't clear enough.

That's a very open ended question isn't it? The next step for me? The next step for you and I as far as e-mailing? LOL! If we are talking about me, I have a slew of feelers out there. I am extremely underpaid for the roles I play. i would like to find a purchasing manager position where I can take my extraordinary skills and use them to best help my new employers. I'd also like to find a woman who is ready to share all of the things life offers, both good and bad. Someone to shower with the abundance of love I have to share.

How about you? Where did you go to school? Tell me about your professional life? Tell me on which rung of that Jewish learning ladder are you? Are you kosher? I am a vegetarian, so I am basically kosher. I just started to eat fish after many years. Are you shomer shabbat? Do you like music? What are your favorites? Road trips?

I guess I can answer that for him. If he wants to talk to me, eventually he'll suggest it. I told him which schools I attended and added:

Basically, what you read in my profile about my professional life is about it. I work with individuals and in groups to help people stop using drugs.

In terms of Jewish learning, I've been observant at some level since age 19. I've gone to classes and learned with friends. Right now I'm probably less observant than in the past. I do love music, especially anything with acoustic guitar.

But I didn't suggest we talk, or meet. Why do I not really want to go out with this guy?
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. I have no idea why you're not interested in this one. He sounds better than any other guy you've been interacting with so far. Go for it!

  2. Sounds like a good guy. I think you should go for it.

    Looks like has better men than other sites.

  3. This guy sounds great. Like all the other anon's said, why aren't you interested? I work a job where I wouldn't want my clients to see my photos on a dating website so I don't post them. I don't think that's so weird actually that he wants to email you pictures. You should keep emailing with him, try to meet up in person, and stop pressuring him to do something he already said he isn't comfortable with doing (posting pictures).

  4. I think it's worth a shot. Also, he assumed you were asking about his next step, career-wise, and he didn't find that off-putting. Instead, he answered to the best of his abilities. He seems pretty up-front, and I have a weakness for people with military backgrounds. It means they have awesome stories, at the very least. And good medical benefits.

    So why not?

  5. I don't KNOW why I'm not interested. I'm not that attracted to his photos, but I don't think that's why. I'm willing to meet him. And I didn't pressure him to post photos on Jwed any more than he pressured me to give him my email address. Which I did.

  6. He could be better-looking than his pictures. My fiance is like that. Doesn't photograph well, but is pretty cute in person (well, at least for a frum guy who's not a player).

  7. He sounds like the perfect candidate to meet. Who knows if it will go anywhere or not, but this kind of openly communicative and responsive person seems like someone worth your time. Isn't it interesting that you have feelings of disinterest? You're working so hard at keeping an open mind and not dismissing potential men, and yet something is still holding you back emotionally. I wonder if there's some sort of meditation or emotional coaching or psychotherapy or soul searching or hypnotherapy that could uncover some mysterious hidden reason you are blocking yourself from that which what you want most. (Long enough sentence for you?)