Saturday, November 06, 2010

Shouldn't be irritated, but I am

Last night I went to a "rotating tables" Shabbos dinner. It was interesting. I recognized a few men who've rejected me on Frumster, and actually had a conversation with one of them. Not sure if he recognized me, although I suspect he did from the way he sized me up before complementing the pearls I was wearing. The pearls, which I agonized over buying, excited a fair amount of attention. I think they're my new "singles event" conversation piece of jewelry.

I also met an older gentleman who sized me up fairly accurately as "pretty, intelligent, classy, and judgmental." I can't recreate the conversation -- I'm not feeling too well these days, and when I'm mildly depressed I'm not as good a writer. But he urged me not to reject men based on rigid notions of where they should have gone to school, what kind of job they should have, and how old they are. He acknowledged that it's stupid for men my age to reject me as too old, but still insisted I should be open to dating older me.

I ruminated about that all day today. I don't know why I have such a distaste for older men. I could say it's because I lost my father when I was young, and I don't want to be a young widow like my mother was. Aside from that, I can't understand this visceral antipathy. Part of me wonders if that's what's kept me single this long. Part of me is furious that I waited this long to get married and it won't be even close to wonderful.

Tonight, I turned on my computer and found two messages, one from Max and one from the enthusiastic Woo Hoo (I can't think of another name for him). I should be pleased, but I found both messages just... irritating.

First, from Max:

Do you get on yahoo messenger most times? It would be good if we could fix up a time to meet daily so that we can take this further.

I don't have Yahoo messenger, I don't want Yahoo messenger, I thought we'd been over this! I was immediately irked, but I think I managed to answer politely:

Shavua tov. I don't have Yahoo messenger, remember? That's why I gave you my phone number.

I wanted to say, "If you want to take this further, call me as we discussed." But I didn't.

Then I read WH's latest:

Shabbat Shalom. Did you have a good day?

Twice this darned system has deleted my witty replies. Very annoying. You went to school in (city) . Were you ever at the (famous vegetarian restaurant)? I'd like to go there once in my lifetime. After I finally visit Woodstock. Do you have the alcohol cert too? Is that ACSW? Are you in private practice? Do you practice in Manhattan? Lots of questions, sorry!

Anything acoustic? Stuff like Crosby Stills & Nash? That opens up a myriad of possibilities. The whole folk genre, lots of interesting stuff. Have you acquired any reeally good music recently? Something that you've been listening to often? I've been listening to a fw things. Sondre Lerche, he wrote the soundtrack to the movie Dan in Real Life. An amusing movie. I just got Chicago live at Carnegie Hall.. 4 CDs recorded when they did a week there in '72. Amazing raw stuff. not the soft rock bland band of the last 15-20 years. This was Terry Kath leading them! talk about Woo Hoo.

WH's are completely exhausted at this point and ordered in Chinese. So it will be Chinese a movie on the tube, then sleep. my body does not recognize the difference between week days and week ends. LOL! Too bad.

What the -- ?  Is there something wrong with me to think this is inane and annoying stream-of-consciousness drivel? I don't even want to answer him. I don't even know what to say to this!

I just want a guy who is close to me in age to ask me out on a date. Apparently I need to get over that.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. The second guy - that was drivel alright - I couldn't believe that. He must have been asleep when he wrote it.

  2. "Aside from that, I can't understand this 'visceral' antipathy."

    1) Ayelet: you admit you can't understand, at least aside from the reasons previously stated, the reason for your 'visceral' antipathy.

    Ayelet, Honestly, I am not clear how you intend us to read the adjective "visceral" written in your blog.

    You may indeed feel true antipathy.

    But since you include the word 'visceral,' I'll venture a guess w/o knowing you personally: I think you fell psuedo-antipathy.

    Ms. Sophie Bryant (5 February 1850 – 29 August 1922) observed the occurrence of pseudo-antipathy.

    Pseudo-antipathy consists in “the careless and arbitrary interpretation of another person’s acts and expressions in accordance with the worst side of one’s self.”

    In other words, we tend to project our own faults into others and hate them. Pseudo-antipathy is based on the (implicit) knowledge about the negative sides of one’s own character.

    You say, "I ruminated about that all day today. I don't know why I have such a distaste for older men. I could say it's because I lost my father when I was young, and I don't want to be a young widow like my mother was."

    Sure you could say that Ayelet, but it wouldnt be the truth.

    Ayelet, you too, are getting older. One day you will be 50, one day 60, and one day 70.

    My guess: it scares you.

  3. I'm telling you Max is a fraudster. MArk my words.

  4. I really don't see a problem with the second guy. He's polite, light-hearted, tries to inject humour into the conversation and shows great interest in your likes/dislikes.

    "inane and annoying stream-of-consciousness drivel"? Well, that's a very harsh critique. Poor guy.

    But hey, it's your life. Go back to the men who put zero effort into their e-mails, who you have to pester to get a reply from, and who take your number and never call.

    PS. If you want to use yahoo IM but don't want to download the software, you can visit this website:

    Why so many barriers?! Give a little and you'll get a little back.

  5. ? Is this all you wrote back to MAX? //Shavua tov. I don't have Yahoo messenger, remember? That's why I gave you my phone number.//

    To me its says- Hey idiot I freakin told you NO YAHOO -I DO NOT WANT IT-- .

    IDK -would YOU want to date someone with that attitude?

    He forgot? maybe he is not as organized as you -with all the information on each woman he is corrosponding with- Which, in a positive light could mean he is not a player-----

    You should have added (because it shows interest) //Call me--I am looking forward to chatting over the phone with you -- //

    WAIT If I remember correctly ;-) he might be overseas and its NOT easy to call?? re time change or something--Hahah I could be wrong SEE I CANT EVEN KEEP UP-

    WooHoo-- He does show interest in your likes and he tells about himself.....not a quick reply -like he is talking to 20 people on a dating site...

    Meet both of them---YOU NEVER KNOW... get rid of your preconcieved notions which can shade the meeting negatively. Was it your book of RULES- that said limit pre meeting contact??---maybe in your case that IS a smart thing to do.

    What are your stats for growing more and more interested as you email /IM/ phone talk.....with a person???

    Have you ever grown more interested?

    For me its the kiss of death--because the chemistry is absent -all I have is words to pick apart ;-(