Sunday, December 19, 2010

Did I make CY jump the shark?

I've been advised that blogging about the men I date might not be appreciated by the men I date. So I'm going to try to focus on my feelings and behaviors and describe their reactions as concisely and impersonally as I can.

So. Today CY picked me up in his car (somehow I had thought he'd take the subway, but he didn't) and we went to the Museum of Jewish Heritage. Which is a great museum, but not for dates. The second floor is given entirely to a Holocaust exhibit, from the rise of Nazism through the death camps.

"Do you mind if we skip this floor and go straight to the Hannah Senesh exhibit on 3?" I asked. "I don't think the Holocaust is really date material." We started the date by viewing most of a documentary about Hannah (until the disc froze), then cruised the exhibits on Jewish life and culture on the first floor. The third floor focused on Hannah's life as well as her tragic (and kind of pointless) death, so I thought it would be a little more romantic than the second floor. It was, in part because that floor has gorgeous views of New York harbor and the Statue of Liberty.

"The security is intense around the Statue of Liberty these days," I said. "You have to stand in these big arch things and they blow air on you."

"When were you last at the Statue of Liberty?" asked CY.

When I was there with Ivan the Terrible and his children, as a family, and the security guy called me "mom." "Okay, Mom and Dad, each of you take one of the boys and stand right there!"

"Last Pesach," I said. We finished viewing the third floor and drove back to my place, where I made us lunch.

Now: was the third date too soon for me to make him lunch? I just didn't want him to think he was supposed to pay for everything all of the time. And I wanted us to have some privacy. I didn't want anything major to happen, but I wanted him to kiss me.

He liked the quinoa salad, and I also heated up some Tabachnick soup and gave him his first taste of pomelo for dessert. Had I really gotten my act together, I could have made soup last night; as it is, being mildly depressed, I'm blown away that I managed to clean even a little.

"Want to sit on the couch?" I said innocently. He agreed.

And... for the longest time, he didn't. We did talk. Lunch was a little quiet, but he relaxed and became more animated. We talked about friends and family, his interests, his job (I tend to monopolize the conversation if I get started on my job). We talked about past relationships, his and mine. (I'm not going to say anything too detailed about his, but from the way he described his past girlfriends, he seems to have a pretty high threshold for drama and women who struggle with mood issues.)

We listened to an entire Celine Dion album. I put on the soundtrack to the movie A Room with a View. I tried to look at him alluringly. But he has a disconcertingly high tolerance for eye contact, and I kept having to look away.

Finally I said, in a tone I hoped was playful, "So were you ever planning on kissing me?"

"Do you want me to?" he asked. He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

"Like that?" I said.

"You mean, on the lips?" he said. I regretted saying anything. "YES," I said.

Bingo. We made out for a while. It felt nice. Not like I was cheating on my ex.

But then I asked him, "When is your brother expecting you back?" His brother also lives in Brooklyn and was sick this morning, so CY dropped off some groceries and promised to return with clementines.

"I should probably get going," said CY. I got him his coat, he thanked me very formally for accompanying him to the museum and making him lunch, offered to help do the dishes (which I declined), and left.

I should also mention that Miriam and I are making Shabbat meals for New Year's weekend. So while we were driving to the museum, I asked him what his plans were.

"I might walk to Coney Island on Shabbos morning to see people jump into the ocean," he said. "I won't jump, but I'll watch."

"If you can find a place to stay up here, I can make sure your meals are covered," I told him. And that was definitely against The Rules. I shouldn't be trying to make plans for us to be together -- it should all come from him.

"When do I need to let you know by?" he asked. I sighed.

"I guess the Monday before," I answered.

So I don't know if I've overplayed my hand and pushed him away by being too nice and solicitous. I do know that he's not a bad kisser and that he's not shomer negiah. And he's very warm and solid and muscular. Which I suspected, given his athleticism, but being an evidence-based practitioner I needed to examine the evidence empirically.

Now I'm sitting with a touch of beard burn (he shaved this morning, I saw blood on his neck, but he has a really heavy 5 o'clock shadow) and wondering if I've overplayed my hand. I guess I'll see if he calls again.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. for clarification Ayelet:

    are you wondering if you "jumped the shark" or "overplayed your hand?"

    each question must be dealt with separately

  2. Really? Seems like I overplayed my hand and he jumped the shark as a result.

  3. From what you described, he didn't sound like he was chomping on the bit to make out on this date. He wasn't running to the couch when you made the suggestion, he wasn't really responding to you looking at him "alluringly" and his initial response to your request to make out was a peck on the cheek.

    I'm curious as to why you chose to ignore these signals from him and press for making out, if you're interested in pursuing this as a long term relationship.