Monday, December 20, 2010

An elegy for my relationship with CY

Yesterday when CY and I were discussing hobbies and interests, I told him I sometimes wrote poetry and showed him a few examples, which I have posted on my "real" FB page. He was fairly impressed.

"But I can't just sit down and write a poem anymore," I told him. "I've tried. I can only write when inspiration strikes me."

Well, today it struck.

CY: Over before it began (December 20, 2010).

My breasts are nectar-plump ripe fruit,
My skin alert, electric.
My passions rage, thoughts don’t compute,
My mouth alive, cathectic.

My fingers tremble, reach to taste
Your shoulder, warm and firm.
Your cheek is rough against my face,
And leaves the sweetest burn.

From months of winter I awoke,
And savored fresh desire.
Yet silence is all you invoke,
No hope of love inspired.

CY was the first man I dated that I didn't automatically compare to Ivan the Terrible and find wanting. Touching CY didn't feel like cheating on my (ex-)boyfriend. And I felt physical desire for the first time since the end of August. I felt alive again. Of course I jumped on him at the first opportunity I could create.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. "From months of winter I awoke,
    And savored fresh desire.
    Yet silence is all you invoke,
    No hope of love inspired."

    um i think you uverplayed your hand; you showed him your desperation

  2. I must have. Although I obviously haven't shown him this poem.

  3. I'm a bit confused. You saw him on Sunday. Did he say he's not interested in going out again? Why assume you've scared him away?

  4. Because normally he emails me immediately after a date to say he wants another, and now it's been more than 24 hours with no contact from him.

  5. I don't really feel you did anything that came off as too forward. I mean if someone doesn't make a move by the third date, assuming neither party is shomer negiyah, then it seems like something From the way you described him, he is either really nervous, immature relationship-wise, or wasn't interested in anything more than friendship. Whatever happens, it is good that you made a move in order to establish what the situation was, rather than spending any more time trying to decipher his intentions.

    I may be in the same boat as you, so I am hoping to figure out whether I have made a new friend, or something more, by the end of the week.

  6. Thanks, Marni. Here's hoping you made something more :)

  7. Thanks. Listen, I don't live in NY or anywhere near it. But I have dated - sort of- a guy in NY and have heard stories. Do you think men, and maybe women as well, in NY tend to be more commitmentphobic then people outside it? It seems like the city is swarming with so many options that people can't commit to one. Plus they get used to being so single/independent for so long, that it is hard to make the jump back into being able to be in a relationship.

  8. A lot of people have said that, Marni. I don't think that's true in CY's case, but it is true for some people here.