Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Not such a gentleman, apparently

SG called Monday night while I was having dinner with a friend, who, as it happens, roomed with SG at yeshiva about 15 years ago. Interesting coincidence, I thought. I called SG when I got home but it went straight to voicemail. Then he called late, after I'd turned off my phone, and left his work number, suggesting I call him on Tuesday.

Which I did. And he sounded delighted, as though my call were the best thing to happen to him all day. He said his business trip had been canceled and asked if I wanted to go out again. I said I'd like that.

"How about next week?" he said. I told him I was free Monday and Thursday, so we settled on Monday. I thought that was a bit of a gap, but maybe he's a busy guy.

"I thought we could go to Barnes & Noble," he said, "and talk about the books." Fine idea, although I was a little surprised he didn't suggest dinner. But whatever, we settled on 8 o'clock, and I wished him a happy Chanuka and a good Shabbos.

Then I got an email from a blog reader:

I feel a little weird writing this, since I barely know you, but the info about the guy you name "Southern Gentleman" reminded me of a really rotten guy I dated. If SG's real initials are NG, I urge you to run from this guy (but do not mention my name). I can provide details, if that helps. If I am mistaken, I apologize! I hope one of these guys works out for you soon.

She recently got engaged, but it's possible she still carries a torch for him. I wanted to learn more while keeping an open mind.

Ack. Those are his initials. What is wrong with him? Fortunately I'm not too attached yet, and have a few other irons in the fire. Oh, and mazal tov on your engagement!

One must be gracious.

I am not a clinician, but I would say that he displayed behavior of a compulsive liar and cheater. He really traumatized me. I don't feel comfortable putting more in writing, but I can give you more details over the phone. During the day I can't really take calls, but you can call me at night -- 

and she gave me her cell phone number.

Compulsive liar and cheater. Strong words. But from the behaviors she described on the phone, they were apt. She said that while she was dating him, he was dating several other girls, some of whom thought they were in exclusive relationships with him. She said he always wants to go places where he is less likely to be spotted by people in the frum community, which is why he prefers Starbucks and Barnes & Noble to kosher restaurants. (I hadn't told her our first date was at Starbucks and our second at B&N.)

And she said a lot of very disturbing other stuff that I promised I wouldn't share with anyone -- but that I would find difficult to invent, and I'm pretty darn inventive.

It fits. He made plans for our first date kind of last-minute, and told me he could meet me "after 5 p.m." That is consistent with someone who was on a date earlier in the day. He's not taking me to dinner for our second date -- if you're dating 4 or 5 girls at once, I imagine feeding them could get expensive. I had kind of wondered why a very cute yeshivish guy with an allegedly good job was still single at 36. I suppose it's easy if you don't really want to get married.

My Monday night dinner companion weighed in as well:

I never had a problem with NG. It's his father that was scary. I remember his father visiting the dorms to check in on his sons, and he really creeped me out. this is of course if I'm thinking of the same guy that you're dating.

Sounds like the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

I'm not sure what I want to do. I kind of want to go on the date anyway, unless something better comes up. Maybe I should just hang out and have fun with him and not consider him marriage material -- just a way to keep from spending too much time and energy on the guys I'm really interested in, a way to balance out my natural tendency to overdo things too much too early. He's a great conversationalist and very easy on the eyes.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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