Sunday, December 05, 2010

Why I sorta-kinda believe in The Rules

The Rules aren't just to get a man to marry you. It's also about weeding out men who aren't worth dating in the first place. I know many readers think I'm too picky, too hard on men, but I believe that expecting to be treated with courtesy shouldn't be a luxury.

I started a correspondence on OKCupid with a 34yo I'll call Eyal. He's a graduate student who just moved to NYC. I didn't approach him -- I wouldn't have, he's 6 years younger than I am.

Eyal: Hi, I would be glad if we could get in touch… is my email.... kindly email me back to my personal email address

That's not his real email address, but similar enough for blog purposes. What is it with men who won't correspond on dating websites? Supertova even posts a warning:

If someone contacts you for the first time telling you to email them back on their personal email, remain skeptical. Email them back on supertova first. Never email someone from your personal email address so quickly. Exchange a few detailed messages via supertova first. 

So it's not just Ayelet.

Ayelet: Hi Eyal, I would prefer to email on here for a while first, if that's okay with you. Are you a physicist? ;)
Happy Chanuka!

E: No problem. No I'm doing mathematics. I guess you are asking because the email address. What are you doing for living? In which field are you?

A: Yeah, I thought so because of the email address. I like "The Big Bang Theory" on TV. I'm a clinical social worker. Right now I work as a drug counselor. It's an interesting job ;) 

E:  where do you live in NYC?

A: upper west side, you?

E. near NYU

And... the conversation could have finished there. I wasn't sure what to say next. His initial contact showed he had some interest in me, but he hasn't tried to make any plans. What should I say next?

A: doing anything fun for Chanuka? 

E: no, and you? any offers?
A: what do you mean by "offers"? ;) I'm going to a few parties 

Which I shouldn't have said. It's rude to tell people about parties they're not invited to.

E:  I see -- offers == suggestions. Where are the parties?

A: It's at a bar near where I live. Think it's sold out, though. Did you contact me for party invites? ;) 

Probably according to The Rules I shouldn't have said anything after he told me where he lived. I'm trying to get the conversation back on track.

E: Not for party but for the afet-party :-) 

I think he means "after-party." Should I even have bothered with an Israeli so much younger than I am?

A: sorry, I'm not looking for anything casual 

E: Me neither

Then what are you looking for?

A: okay... so, what's next?

E: You tell me... what do you suggest? 

Not exactly a man with a plan.

A: Coffee?

E: Beer?

A: I'm not much of a drinker.

E: so coffee

A: ok, sounds good :)

E: cool

Again leaving it up to me to move the conversation forward.

A: when & where?

E: My area ... tomorrow afternoon?

That's just not gentlemanly. It's downright lazy. Call me old-fashioned, but I think a man should meet a woman at a location convenient to her. Although he probably doesn't know NYC all that well. Still, with the subway system, it's pretty easy for a guy to get around.

A: tomorrow I can't, I've got plans all day

E: So any other night

Well, I canceled my Monday night plans with the Southern Gentleman...

A: how about Monday evening at Cafe Edgar on W. 84th off Broadway?

E: Monday will not work for me, and I prefer a place closer to NYU

Now I'm kinda... annoyed. He doesn't seem to want to make any effort.

A: we can meet on another day, but does that mean you weren't planning to escort me home? ;)

E: would you like me to escort you home?

I don't want him to get the wrong idea...

A: I guess I'm used to that, when meeting someone in the evening. To be walked to my door.

Haven't heard anything so far. But I'm not impressed.

Also heard again from the reasonably attractive but pointless guy who emailed me about a month ago on OKCupid:

Let's make out.

Blocked him. So far, OKCupid hasn't done much for me.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. Ahaha-Ha! You have to Laugh! And HE is not the only one out there like that-as you know. It funny-and its good that these sites make it possible to find AND WEED out these ??? Dolts ???/Thanks for the Laugh and HOPE your Laughing too. ;-)

  2. His response so far:

    "Any other things that you are used to?"

    I didn't respond immediately, so he also sent me a smiley emoticon ":-)"

    So I wrote: "I guess, being respected as an equal but being treated like a lady."

    No response so far.