I sent another email to Chanan:
Chag sameach! Hope you and the tribe are well. Jersey Jake has subscribed to my status updates and sometimes comments. I'm very confused. Did he ever tell you why he didn't follow up on your suggestion that he ask me out?
Chanan had no idea.
Chanukah sameach.We are good. Overwhelmed a little, but good. What about you? How is work? The dating scene? The UWS? I am there often these days. I changed jobs and now do wine sales. I have a tasting next week Thursday night at [name of liquor store redacted]. As for Jake: Nope, dunno. You want me to tell him to knock it off?
Well, not exactly. But before I read this email he sent another:
I talked to Jake, using your message as an excuse to give him a call and catch up. I hope you don't mind. It seems he has some hang-ups about asking women out because he is, and has been for some time, unemployed. I guess he's afraid of rejection and thinks a woman wants to be taken out to all the fancy places he cannot afford. I suggested coffee as a first time get together.
Further, he's concerned that so much time has passed he wouldn't know where to begin talking to you by email or on the phone. Sound crazy and convoluted to you? It does to me, but hey, I know plenty of people who psych themselves out like this. I have to be careful sometimes that I don't do it to myself.
Actually, it kind of made sense to me.
Congrats on the job change, sounds like fun! My job is awesome, and the UWS and dating suck. I will try to stop by the wine tasting. I understand why Jake would feel self-conscious about contacting me after so much time had passed, and being unemployed certainly won't boost his confidence. (I work with heroin addicts, so his thinking doesn't seem all that convoluted to me, but everything's relative.)
You're right that often people psych themselves out of doing a lot of things they might enjoy. It might be that right now is not a good time for him to be dating, but I'd be open to having coffee with him.
No response so far. Chanan has 4 or 5 children, so he's pretty busy, but I guess he'll convey my sentiments to Jersey Jake and I'll see what happens. But he's still unemployed? After more than a year? That does give me a little pause. I know it's a crap economy and all that, but it only took me 7 months to get a job offer I wanted, and 4 months to get the first offer. I think it was 4 months. But there are always job openings for social workers. Not so true for PsyD's. I am very lucky I ended up with the degrees I have.
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