Sunday, January 02, 2011

Happy New Year

I had a good weekend. My friend Aviva made Friday night dinner to celebrate her birthday. I gave her 2 pairs of earrings from my personal collection, since I didn't have the energy to shop this week, and she loved them. (Her roommate loved them too, and was angling to borrow them before Aviva wore them. I have excellent taste.)

My friend Miriam made a Shabbat lunch that was also very nice. Girls only, so it was fun and serious at the same time. We talked about one girl's divorce, another's dating situation. I spoke to Shalva about my relationship with Ivan the Terrible, how he and his family couldn't handle my medical issue. (Didn't get too specific about the issue.) She was very sympathetic.

Saturday night I went to a party run by the same organization that held the Chanuka party where CY and I met. He was there when I got there, and we talked for a while. Miriam and her visitor Gittel wanted to go to another party in Monsey, so the three of us started to head up there, but then got a call from another friend who said the Monsey party was loud and boring. So we went to the other friend's apartment in Passaic, got pizza and watched reruns of "How I Met Your Mother."

On the way to Monsey (and then Passaic), we drove past so many reminders of Ivan the Terrible, who lives in Teaneck. I alternated between shutting my eyes and looking, masochistically. The place where we went to buy cleats for the kids. The Cheesecake Factory where we got cheesecake to celebrate my birthday. Familiar stores, gas stations, landmarks. Fortunately, we took another route back to the city from Passaic.

I got home at 3 a.m. But managed to get up, shower, dress, and go on a date with CY to the American Museum of Natural History. Which... I don't feel like blogging about. I posted about it on my Facebook page; I don't feel like going over it here again. But I will share with you one email CY sent me this morning:

I had a really nice time with you last night. You looked amazing. See you at 12.

I was happy to read that. At the museum I said, "By the way, thanks for saying I looked amazing last night." He replied, "Well, you did!" What I didn't say was, "I'm glad you had a really nice time despite all the long gaps in our conversation." Apparently sometimes he's more chatty than other times. And thinks I'm beautiful. And wants to go out again.

Interestingly, we're both into dangerous fish. He's fascinated by piranhas; I'm mesmerized by sharks.

Before Shabbat I saw two alternative/complementary medical practitioners. One was a chiropractor who is also a "kinesiologist." I'm not sure if that's more than a fancy word for "quack," but what he said about my body was consistent with the injuries I've suffered over the years. Of course, he also has a line of supplements and stuff he sells along with the treatment, which I am resolved not to buy. I'll see him again on Wednesday and decide if I think he's going to help me.

I also went to a very well regarded acupuncturist, Autumn Bear. She did a major treatment on my shoulder and back, involving -- in addition to acupuncture -- techniques called gua sha (aka "coining" or "spooning") and "cupping." I was familiar with gua sha because a very hot young acupuncturist coached me to do it to him after I slept with him. (He's 13 years younger than I am and incredibly hot, so I regarded sleeping with him as something of a coup, even though it wasn't as spectacular an experience as I thought it would be.)

Anyway, both the gua sha and cupping left enormous purple contusions all over my shoulders and upper back. I looked like I'd been run over by a bulldozer, and I was pretty sore for the rest of the day on Friday and most of the day on Saturday. Today I'm feeling better, but still not 100% sure I believe Autumn is the right practitioner for me.

She did say that my heart was dumping chi into my small intestine, which is supposed to be a voiding organ but in my case was blocked. She knew this because my upper arms were very tender to the touch, and because when she placed a tiny needle in my left pinky, I hollered like a Latino soccer announcer. I've never injured my left pinky, and the needles she uses are very sharp -- they slide in like a hot knife slicing through butter.

What she said was consistent with how I feel. The love I have or had for Ivan the Terrible and his children is stuck in me. Especially for the children -- right now I'm not feeling too loving toward that pusillanimous mama's boy. But I miss the kids terribly. Maybe it's affecting my back. I know the work stress of the past few months has been aggravating my shoulders.

Anyway, I'm taking steps toward addressing my physical infirmities. Also, on Monday I'm going to a mentoring/support group for new and experienced clinical social workers. It will hopefully be a place where I can get feedback on how to manage my career so I don't end up fired or quitting. And on Thursday I'm seeing a mindfulness-based cognitive therapist to learn better ways to manage my depression, anger, and frustration.

That means the next time I can see CY is Saturday night. Which I told him when he called to apologize for not talking much on the date. He's going to think of ideas for what we can do, and we'll talk later in the week to solidify plans. Sunday night I'm seeing "Next to Normal" with Miriam and Aviva.

So far it's been a busy year, and this week will be very busy as well. But I'm off tomorrow, so it will get a nice slow start. And I forgot to mention: I'm being transferred back to our other agency Brooklyn site. As of February 3. I think this will be a good thing -- I like most of the counselors at the other site, and I certainly can't stand a few where I am now. I will miss the counselors I like, and I'll have to leave my clients behind -- termination will be hard. But it's a new start for me and for the dual diagnosis program. So maybe 2011 will be better than 2010.

Then again, I hoped 2010 would be better than 2009....
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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