Saturday, January 29, 2011

Is dating Detroit an option?

Got a message from a gentleman styling himself "Nachman Emet." I think that means he favors R. Nachman of Breslov. After my reading of "The Garden of Emuna" and disappointing meeting with the Breslover from Tsfat, I'm not a huge fan.

Subject: Shabbat Shalom, or by the time you receive this, Shavua Tov

Message: I guess I used to work with your folks after they got worse, became homeless, and finally started to work toward their recovery from the depths. I worked with an agency working with the homeless, developed 184 units of supportive housing for the homeless (transitional and permanent) most with a history of chronic substance abuse.

Now, I write grant proposals for a major hospital system, focusing on medical research, clinical care and capital projects. I'm also in a PhD program in Health Communication.

I, too, enjoy the ride, the traveling, as much as the arrival at wherever we're going. I've trained my children also to enjoy traveling, and we've done a lot of driving around the eastern half of the USA.

Shabbat Shalom. Sincerely, Nachman Emet

NE is 47 years old, divorced, and lives in Detroit. Which isn't very close to New York. SOS basically decided that commuting to New York from Cleveland was too much. So I'm not optimistic that a long-distance relationship with a divorced man is going to yield fruit.

But NE sounds intelligent and thoughtful. What else does he say about himself?

This is how I describe myself: Since the divorce, I have been working on myself to be a better person for my beshert.

My three children are blessings. G-B-G, ages 15-12-9.

At the risk of sounding corny, I am compassionate, considerate, intelligent, smart, absent-minded (or even clueless on occasion), interested, interesting, caring, loving, romantic, and I do appreciate the beauty H gave us in this world.

I grew up in Detroit in the 1970s, a tough time. I was the only Jew around, one of the few whites. I learned how to be alone without being lonely in my "fortress of solitude."

I play guitar, speak a bit of Hebrew and French, and love to travel. I work too hard and regret the time not at home. This has been changing.

I am studying for a PhD to change my career path to one not in (Philanthropic) sales, but into applied research and education that directly touches people.

I am looking for someone I to cherish, love, adore, with whom to become best friends, and with whom to continually grow a relationship. I also am looking for someone who would be in a mutual relationship with me, a real team member, with whom I can speak and discuss, who is not afraid to learn and from whom I can learn.

This is what I am looking for in a mate: She (or you) should be someone who is open minded enough to realize that I am too. I want you you to be able to follow my though train, and to lead me along yours. I want you to be open to experiences, and truly see opportunities where others see disaster.

Laugh, smile, bright eyes.

In a sense, a woman who sees the world either as "half-full" or even a full (half water, half air).

If he lived in New York or reasonably close, I'd be interested. Although two teenage stepchildren are a lot to shoulder. But is it realistic to date someone long distance who probably needs a long time to be sure about venturing into marriage for a second time? So I didn't write back with encouragement:

Shavua tov. Thank you for writing. Do you think long-distance relationships are a realistic option? I'm not sure I see how they can work.

Ironically, several divorced men I rejected on Frumster have since remarried, and a few are even Facebook friends. Not sure if I should see that as a sign that they weren't meant for me or evidence that less finicky women were happy to marry them.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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