Monday, January 24, 2011

Still here, still looking for pretty much everything ;)

Not in the mood to blog today, but a lot is happening in my life, so I might as well keep you apprised. Otherwise I'll just have to write more later to keep you up to date.

CY and I are done. After I got laid off, I sent him an email letting him know that I'd been laid off but was okay. He responded, "I am very sorry to hear that." And that was it. No phone call, no asking if there was anything he could do. No communication until he had to reschedule our Sunday afternoon date for Saturday night, felafel at Soom Soom and the movie "Black Swan."

It was awkward. He seemed uncomfortable, and conversation was labored. As he was driving me home, I asked if he had a good time. He claimed he did. I didn't. I didn't tell him that, but I asked if he wanted to go out again. He asked if he could think about it, which to me meant he wanted to say no but was too polite. So I did it for him. Emailed him right after the date, as he used to email me at the start of our dalliance.

So that's over. I'm relieved but a little sad. I was working too hard to overlook too much. We're very different. I think the main reasons I liked him were his age, his physical appearance, and his infallible kindness. Kindness is huge, but it's not enough.

Today I had a job interview at a for-profit substance abuse treatment facility. The interviewer seemed very nice, but I don't want to run 6-8 groups per week and see individual clients only once a month. I'll email him tomorrow and tell him so. I had a similar interview at a similar agency last November, and then at my social work mentoring meeting met someone who worked there briefly. It was not a good experience for her. So I'm going with my instincts.

At least I survived the "Why are you looking for a new job?" (which is what he led with) and then got through the rest of the interview well. I think. Good practice, I suppose.

I got a call today from a woman who runs two adolescent dual diagnosis treatment programs for the Jewish Board of Family and Children's Services. I told her honestly that I don't want to work with young adults. Hope she sends my resume back to HR so maybe I can work with some of the parents. And I got a call last week from an agency that is about an hour from my apartment. I don't think I can tolerate that long a commute, so I declined an interview.

Tomorrow afternoon I'm going back to downtown Brooklyn. I had some black leather ankle boots (what I was originally looking for when Miriam and I went shopping Sunday before last) delivered to the office before I was fired. A co-worker who likes me is going to hand them off to me. I probably shouldn't keep the boots, but they're cute and comfortable (I tried them on in another color) and I don't think I should punish myself these days. I'm getting unemployment, and I have savings. That night I'm having dinner with a friend. Wednesday afternoon I'm having lunch with my friend Boaz, then going to a lecture about Jews in Shakespearean England Wednesday evening.

Thursday I should be meeting with a mental health advocacy grande dame -- Jean Arnold of the National Stigma Clearinghouse -- then going to a job fair (at some point I need to print out some resumes on good paper at a local copy shop). Need to color my hair sometime before then. Hope it doesn't turn out too dark.

So I'm keeping busy. Sending out resumes all the time, of course. Contacting former classmates and co-workers and friends in my field and related fields. Ran into a childhood friend on Shabbat -- we live 10 blocks apart but have never run into each other on the West Side. For some reason I thought he was in Brooklyn. His wife works for an employee assistance program; I emailed him to ask if I could contact her, he said it was fine, and she's given me some excellent leads. I plan to offer them some free babysitting; they have a one-year-old.

No idea why I don't feel like sharing more. Usually I'm an open book. I'm not depressed; I just don't feel like writing. I also need new gloves, but don't feel like shopping. Which I suppose is a good thing.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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