I got some responses, but only really started one correspondence. It's my first paying day, so maybe it's too early to see how I'll fare. His name is Doug, living in New York, NY. Pictures kind of goofy-looking, but maybe he doesn't photograph well. The five things he can't live without are:
a partner to share things with
my i touch
a trip to vegas or atlantic city
money to do the above
I wont go into that...
After going through the eHarmony song and dance (5 multiple-choice questions, 3 open-ended questions, then you start emailing), he sent me this message:
I guess we have been certified kosher by harmony. You are welcome to ask any questions you like. I have had all my shots and housebroken.
That's not quite clever enough to make me chuckle. Maybe it should have warned me off, but I responded anyway.
What do you like to do on a first date?
Maybe that was a little brusque. But we've already talked about likes and dislikes, which eHarmony calls "Must Haves and Can't Stands," so I felt like cutting to the chase.
I usually take the lady to a nice restaurant. I know a few good ones. I promise no happy meals. I don't keep kosher out even though I know a good kosher deli. I keep kosher at home.
No Happy Meals. Whew. Like I was worried. And there's more than one good kosher restaurant in New York, NY.
I try to keep kosher at home and out, although I eat dairy and fish in non-kosher restaurants outside NYC. Within NYC there are so many kosher places you might as well go kosher.
What kind of country music do you like? I like Dixie Chicks and Randy Newman.
Trying to get to know him a little better.
I live in a kosher neighborhood and the kosher restaurants by me honestly are filthy and really horrid. They leave alot to be desired.
I'm not a fan of the Dixie chicks I lost my taste for them. I like obscure country that is not played mainstream. I find things on I tunes and on satellite. I'm finding 80s music I never heard before on I tunes or songs I forgot on satellite.
I have a unique taste in music. Even hear of Canadian country ?
Well, not all kosher restaurants are great, but all of the ones in his neighborhood are filthy? Where does he live?
Obviously you need to hang out in a better neighborhood. Where do you live? ;) Never heard of Canadian Country, but it sounds cool, eh?
I'm in midwood in Brooklyn. I know these kosher places should be cleaner and more appealing. I like bens deli in the city.
I found Canadian country years ago on the internet. Where do you think shaina came from?
I guess you are interested in me.
That just fell flat. Clunk. It's not him asking me out. It's just him stating what he thinks is a fact. Not much game. Then again, I don't like game-players. Still, is my only choice between the slickster and the charmless? Also, it's a little inaccurate to bill yourself as "New York, NY" when you're really from Brooklyn.
I guess I'm going to play a little hard to get.
You mean Shania Twain? Didn't realize she was Canadian. I don't know if I'm interested, but I'm not turned off, which is a good start.
He wrote back:
Yes shainia is Canadian even though she lives in Switzerland.
It's a good start that your [sic.] not turned off. You can ask me more things. I don't bite.
Bad grammar. And so far he's managed to misspell Shania twice, even though I spelled it right. But I guess I can't let that turn me off completely. And this back-and-forth emailing isn't getting us anywhere.
would you like to talk on the phone?
In a little bit I can. You can call me after 9 if you like. 917 558 1428
After 9... because then his unlimited cell phone minutes kick in? Not. Impressive. Cheap, in fact. I wonder what he does for a living. He says he's a "sales and service manager." What the hell does that mean?
I called him, but I was bored. Bored, bored, bored. He interrupts, and he tells terminally tedious stories. He doesn't even know the names of the things he mentions (seriously, what else could you call "The Blue Collar Comedy Tour"?) And he interrupts. He's just really annoying to talk to. I don't want to go out with him.
So that's that. Apparently that's all $145 buys you these days. Another loser.
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