Monday, February 28, 2011

Is he a loser or should I bother?

I finally paid up for eHarmony -- 3 months. If it doesn't work within 3 months, it's not going to work. And if you don't pay, you can't see photographs. This enabled me to "close" some matches from losers who've tried to date me on several other sites.

I got some responses, but only really started one correspondence. It's my first paying day, so maybe it's too early to see how I'll fare. His name is Doug, living in New York, NY. Pictures kind of goofy-looking, but maybe he doesn't photograph well. The five things he can't live without are:

a partner to share things with
my i touch
a trip to vegas or atlantic city
money to do the above
I wont go into that...

After going through the eHarmony song and dance (5 multiple-choice questions, 3 open-ended questions, then you start emailing), he sent me this message:

I guess we have been certified kosher by harmony. You are welcome to ask any questions you like. I have had all my shots and housebroken.

That's not quite clever enough to make me chuckle. Maybe it should have warned me off, but I responded anyway.

What do you like to do on a first date?

Maybe that was a little brusque. But we've already talked about likes and dislikes, which eHarmony calls "Must Haves and Can't Stands," so I felt like cutting to the chase.

I usually take the lady to a nice restaurant. I know a few good ones. I promise no happy meals. I don't keep kosher out even though I know a good kosher deli. I keep kosher at home.

No Happy Meals. Whew. Like I was worried. And there's more than one good kosher restaurant in New York, NY.

I try to keep kosher at home and out, although I eat dairy and fish in non-kosher restaurants outside NYC. Within NYC there are so many kosher places you might as well go kosher.

What kind of country music do you like? I like Dixie Chicks and Randy Newman.

Trying to get to know him a little better.

I live in a kosher neighborhood and the kosher restaurants by me honestly are filthy and really horrid. They leave alot to be desired.

I'm not a fan of the Dixie chicks I lost my taste for them. I like obscure country that is not played mainstream. I find things on I tunes and on satellite. I'm finding 80s music I never heard before on I tunes or songs I forgot on satellite.

I have a unique taste in music. Even hear of Canadian country ?

Well, not all kosher restaurants are great, but all of the ones in his neighborhood are filthy? Where does he live?

Obviously you need to hang out in a better neighborhood. Where do you live? ;) Never heard of Canadian Country, but it sounds cool, eh?

He answered:

I'm in midwood in Brooklyn. I know these kosher places should be cleaner and more appealing. I like bens deli in the city.

I found Canadian country years ago on the internet. Where do you think shaina came from?

I guess you are interested in me.

That just fell flat. Clunk. It's not him asking me out. It's just him stating what he thinks is a fact. Not much game. Then again, I don't like game-players. Still, is my only choice between the slickster and the charmless? Also, it's a little inaccurate to bill yourself as "New York, NY" when you're really from Brooklyn.

I guess I'm going to play a little hard to get.

You mean Shania Twain? Didn't realize she was Canadian. I don't know if I'm interested, but I'm not turned off, which is a good start.

He wrote back:

Yes shainia is Canadian even though she lives in Switzerland.

It's a good start that your [sic.] not turned off. You can ask me more things. I don't bite.

Bad grammar. And so far he's managed to misspell Shania twice, even though I spelled it right. But I guess I can't let that turn me off completely. And this back-and-forth emailing isn't getting us anywhere.

would you like to talk on the phone?

I asked.

In a little bit I can. You can call me after 9 if you like. 917 558 1428

After 9... because then his unlimited cell phone minutes kick in? Not. Impressive. Cheap, in fact. I wonder what he does for a living. He says he's a "sales and service manager." What the hell does that mean?

I called him, but I was bored. Bored, bored, bored. He interrupts, and he tells terminally tedious stories. He doesn't even know the names of the things he mentions (seriously, what else could you call "The Blue Collar Comedy Tour"?) And he interrupts. He's just really annoying to talk to. I don't want to go out with him.

So that's that. Apparently that's all $145 buys you these days. Another loser.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. Please don't call people "loser" who you aren't interested in. We are all created by the Al-mighty. We are all beautiful and interesting to someone. We all have awesome potential, and a little piece of G-dliness inside.

  2. I think you might not want to put the actual phone numbers of these suitors in your blog. This may come back to bite you! I would do an area code...and x's...such as in EX person I am talking to!!!

  3. Brooklyn is certainly as much a part of "New York, NY" as Manhattan is.

  4. Like, that's not his real cell phone number. Trust me.

  5. Dave, then why is their mail addressed to Brooklyn, NY instead of New York, NY?

  6. For geographical accuracy: NYC has 5 boroughs- Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens, Bronx, Staten Island.

    Wikipedia says so:

  7. I am well aware that NYC has five boroughs. However, it is commonly known that "New York, NY" refers to Manhattan. All the other boroughs usually are referred to by their individual name, or in some cases (such as areas of Queens), by their neighborhoods.

    And you should know better than to refer to Wikipedia as a definitive source ;)

  8. I don't know what you mean by "commonly known". I lived in Manhattan for 10 years and always knew that Brooklyn, Queens, the Bronx and SI were part of NYC. Each Borough has its own president, but Bloomberg is mayor of all five boroughs. NYC Dept of Education covers all five boroughs. The MTA reaches all five boroughs. I can go on if you like.

    This guy might be tedious and annoying but I don't see how being factually correct makes him a loser.

  9. CA, you get up pretty early to be that annoying. It is commonly known that when writing "New York, NY" as part of an address, it refers to Manhattan. Otherwise, people write "Brooklyn, NY" etc. I'm sure you could go on and on delineating the extent of the five boroughs, but the fact remains that other people on dating websites who live in Brooklyn tend to identify their neighborhood as Brooklyn, not New York. And it's not just this fact alone that makes him a loser, just as it's not just your pathological need to be a know-it-all and have the last word that makes you so incredibly annoying. You are the definition of "internet troll."

  10. I'd say your attitude and tone explain exactly why you have the life you do.

  11. Readers, I'm done feeding this troll, but feel free to throw her a bone if you're so inclined ;)

  12. Ayelet,

    While I agree that "New York, NY" could possibly be misleading, it's not a slam-dunk. After all, Brooklyn IS part of NYC, as previous commenters pointed out.

    That being said, this guy is obviously not for you. There's no reason to go out with him.

  13. Whoops - meant to use my "Philo" identity. I wish I could use more than one browser at work so Google wouldn't automatically use an identity when commenting

  14. wow, it's rough out there in Singleland. You could have done worse, though, you could have been matched with "CA" here.

    FWIW, yes, Brooklyn is NYC but it's not New York, NY. Anyone who's lived here more than a few years understands this. And FWIW, this guy wasn't even close to suitable. Keep plugging, Ayelet.

    Max has a point. Try using "hoser" instead of "loser," sounds less mean.

  15. Thanks for understanding, Jan, and in future I will refer to such men as "hosers" ;)