Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Dr. Pilot: Crash and burn?

Last you all heard, I sent a breezy email to Dr. Pilot telling him I'd recently lost my grandmother and didn't have any big weekend plans. He responded:

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I lost my last surviving grandparent (my maternal grandfather) a few years ago. Its horrible. I can understand your wanting to take it easy. I totally get what you say about getting fresh fruit from the farmers market - there's one right around the corner from my house and I love buying my fruit from there during the spring an summer!

unfortunately am not jetting off anywhere this weekend - I have to work all weekend - oh well - someone has to!

What's your schedule next week? Would you like to get together for a drink or something?

Take care, Dr. P

By Friday 3/11/11 we'd agreed to have drinks on Monday 3/14/11. He asked, "Do you want to talk on the phone first?" I sent him my phone number. And didn't hear anything back.

By Monday afternoon I was annoyed, so I sent him another email:

Is everything okay? Ayelet

He got back to me today:

Hi Ayelet,

I am so sorry about yesterday. I was on call all weekend and then was pressed into being on call again last night. I meant to call you and then it got really busy and the time just ran away from me. I'd love to reschedule if you're willing.

Hope you're having a good day, Dr. P

I was very annoyed. I didn't want it to show when I responded. I may have overcompensated:

All is forgiven ;) My sister's a doctor, so I know how crazy call can be. Wednesday night? Give me a call, 212-555-1446.

Now I'm feeling that was too darn nice. But I also think that this is useful. If he's so willing to leave me hanging now, is that going to get better or stay the same? Either way, it's worth having a drink with him -- if he gets back to me in a timely fashion this time around. Big "if."

To be honest, he's the only man I've started corresponding with through eHarmony, despite well over 100 introductions. I'm completely underwhelmed.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. eh, life happens, especially when you're a doctor, and calling someone you haven't even been on a date yet with is probably not on top of his list of priorities when he is on call. I think it's worth pursuing.

    Then again, I know a lot of doctors and it seems the profession has a very irregular schedule and lots of long hours, so that's something to think about.

  2. You responded appropriately.
    You can be pissed off and spiteful, but where will that get you?
    Let us know what happens from here.

  3. It sounds like so far, still plenty of room to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the plans to meet sounded more tentative to him than they seemed to you. Hope there's true potential for a relationship there!

  4. I know it's early at this point with the pilot, Ayelet, but I am curious as to when in the dating process you disclose your mental health issues to the other party. How long or until what point is it fair (both to yourself and to the other person) to wait to drop this bomb?

  5. Not an easy question to answer, Jan. (And probably moot with Dr. Pilot, since I haven't heard from him.) I once asked a former psychiatrist when I should tell someone about my illness and he said, "When you trust them." Ivan the Terrible knew from the start, and yet it took him 11 months to decide it was too much for him to handle. I never told G.I. Josh or CY. I guess I'll find out with the next serious relationship. I think it would take a few months before I'd be ready.

  6. hmmm...I guess that sounds fair. But it seems to me one shouldn't wait a few months to disclose prior marriages or children, and your past/present issues are arguably much more important. Tricky ethical situation, to say the least.

    One reason I ask is that I have a male relative whose girlfiend disclosed she was being treated for OCD and social anxiety disorder as they were discussing marriage. He married her anyway, and subsequently she has made him and his family miserable. I believe her issues turned out to be a lot more serious than she had made them out to be (not sure if her earlier misrepresentation had been intentional or not).

  7. I'm sorry about your family's experience. I don't intend to mislead anyone about my illness, but I do intend to give myself enough time to feel I really trust them.

  8. Thank you. But can you please clarify? What does "when you trust them" mean exactly? Trust them to do (or not do) what? Maybe it's just me, but that sounds a bit opaque.

  9. I can't be any more specific, Jan. There's no textbook right or wrong way to disclose. I'll just have to wait until I feel comfortable enough with that person to tell them something that personal. That's the best I can explain it.

  10. Thanks for opening up as much as you do. I think you're doing a great service for other people with these issues, as well as for the people in their lives trying to understand them.