Thursday, April 07, 2011

Just like me

I've been advised to keep an open mind when dating, and not to judge people too quickly. So when an out-of-towner emailed me on Jwed, even though I hadn't liked his profile before, I decided to rejoin and get to know him.

This may have been too open. After saying he'd call Monday and Tuesday nights, and not calling because he "wasn't feeling well" (how difficult is it to make a phone call if you have a cold? and if it's not a cold...), he finally called last night. After 11 p.m. And when we talked... he had too much in common with me. A lot of employment volatility; when I told him I was looking for a new job, he remarked ruefully, "I know what that's like." Apparently after trying and failing at several careers, he's now making a go of being a silver and stamps dealer.

He also suffered a similar educational experience to mine at The Bad Place, so bad he was considering suing. Unlike me, however, he's carrying a lot of student debt. His ex-wife's parents apparently disliked him as much as Ivan the Terrible's disapproved of me. He alluded to various other problems but didn't want to go into detail. So I'm wondering if he has bipolar as well, or some other emotional issues.

To a large extent I can relate to him... and that worries me. Because I want to be with someone stable. But is it fair to expect more stability from a partner than I personally have?
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. This is a difficult one. I think that a more stable person has the ability to add "balance". However, many times someone with the same problems as you can be more understanding and compassionate. I don't think the mental status is the problem. I just think he is not right for you. Possibly a little disorganized and lacking in strong goals for a career.

  2. I see nothing wrong with recognizing one's "flaws" and realizing that they might not be compatible with someone else's. I tend to be kind of anal and Type A about things, so I realize I do better with people who are more laid back, otherwise we will just overanalyze and annoy the hell out of each other. But at the same time, the person has to appreciate my analness or they will find it to be a turn-off. I understand that everyone has issues, but I don't think there is anything wrong with desiring someone who is financially and emotionally stable - especially at this age. I am not sure how old he is, but to be in your 40s or 50s with a lot of student debt, is a scary thought.