Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The universe is testing me

Poisoned food is of no comfort to a starving person. Problem is, sometimes it's hard to see what is poison and what is just unappetizing. I got a connection request today from a "Trcuk driver" on A high school graduate. Needless to say, I wasn't interested.

Then I got an email from a very sweet shadchanit who lives in France. Let's call her Balabouste. She wrote:

Hi! Could you check the shidduchbook group i have a frum friend to set up and tell me what you think of LC? :)

"Shidduchbook" is a Facebook group for singles. That's where she found me, because I posted my info in there a while back. I checked LC's profile.

LC graduated from Touro College two years after I graduated from college. Since January 2008 he has worked as a library clerk. Job description: "Help Patrons with their books and process library card information." No information about what he did between 1994 and 2008, but I'm guessing he wasn't inventing the internet or burning up Wall Street.

I wrote back:

He's a library clerk. I don't mean to be a snob, but I have advanced degrees. I don't know if we would be compatible. I think I need to be with a professional.

She disagreed:

I don't think you would lose anything to try! At least he is fine on most things, he can spell, he is family oriented, not too far, observant...

No, no, dammit, NO! Okay... have to tone it down a little.

I remember looking at his profile on dating websites -- I don't think we're compatible.

After that she subsided. But honestly, is LC poison or just unappetizing?

I think he's poison for me. I really don't think I could be with someone who hasn't made anything of himself. I don't know how I could settle to that extent. But am I being too cautious? Is my "list" still too long? And is it better to be alone than to be with someone you neither respect nor admire?


  1. Well, it's not that he hasn't made anything of himself, more that he hasn't done as much with himself as you have. I think flexibility is important in dating but after a certain point you know what your non-negotiables are.

  2. FWIW I think it would be absurd for you to consider dating this guy. I know I'm not the first to say this, but it astounds me how many Jewish observant guys there are who have flopped around professionally for 10+ years. At some point one should figure out what one wants to do, get an advanced degree in it, and move forward. If someone has extenuating circumstances, that's one thing, but these guys, most often, don't.