Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Stuck in the middle

On Sunday I went to my new job for half a day, getting a sense of my responsibilities and how the residence runs. I learned that I won't have an individual caseload -- I'll be supervising mental health technicians who do the direct work with clients. Kind of a letdown -- I won't grow as a therapist if I don't give therapy. But I'd still be getting LCSW supervision, so maybe I'd have other options in the future.

Monday, as I waited for the agency HR to give me the information on getting fingerprinted for a criminal background check, I got a call from a program director at another branch of the same agency. He runs their continuing day treatment program. I sent them my resume before the placement agency sent me on last week's interview.

And from what he described, it's a better job for me. Monday through Friday, not Sundays. An individual caseload of clients for therapy. And supervising the groups that the program offers. Also, it's permanent, not temp-to-perm -- that means I'd get health insurance in 3 months rather than 6. Saving me more than $1500 in COBRA payments.

I started groups at my internship and my last job. I'm good at identifying topics and areas that the clients need to encounter and discuss. And I'm really good at creating curricula and handouts. I wanted this job, not the job I was offered. Since I sent him my resume first, the program director made a ton of calls -- to my current boss, the placement agency, and the HR department -- and I'm interviewing with him tomorrow morning at 10 a.m.

Last night I dreamed about that interview. It was scheduled for 10, but I got there at 8, and they let me start working. I gave instructions to some direct care staff to bathe a resident who had soiled herself, and volunteered to do it myself if they wouldn't. I picked up a bunch of checks from the payroll department and checked to see if I had signed off on them or if there was just a photocopy of my signature on them; for some reason that mattered.

I interacted with someone I used to work with more than 5 years ago, at the last job I had before I became a social worker. I'm not sure why I dreamed about her -- we didn't really work that closely -- unless it's that I saw her at a health food store less than a year ago (she lives close to my most recent employer) and haven't seen any other former co-workers from that job..

I was also given a strange task. I had to wear three pairs of glasses and not let them fall off my head. One pair had black frames and was very heavy with thick lenses -- they kept slipping off my face. They were "sensitive" -- I can't remember if that means they could allow me to see through things or to see very far. Another pair was purple plastic with colored lenses, and the earpieces were like combs; they were easy to anchor in my hair. The other pair had to be worn on the back of my head. They seemed like "regular" glasses -- no special properties. I had to walk slowly, so that none of them would fall off my head. And walking slowly made me late for my interview, which made me feel terrible.

I'm feeling very nervous about this interview tomorrow. Because I want this job much more than the job I was offered and accepted. And I'm convinced that somehow I'll screw things up. That much is obvious from the dream. I'm not sure what being told to wear all the glasses means -- that I think they expect me to have eyes in the back of my head?

1 comment:

  1. The glasses sound to me like you think you will have to balance many different roles (necessitating being able to view things from varied perspectives). It sounds like the thought of meeting that challenge is making you very anxious! Please let us know how it goes. Praying for you ...