Friday, July 01, 2011

Ayelet tests the law of attraction

I had a dream last week about the Gorgeous Genius. We were together, and I was happy. So I woke up thinking about him. Back in October 2010, I was unable to be... intimate with him. It was too soon after I lost Ivan the Terrible. But maybe now I'd be able to. And maybe he's more stable than I gave him credit for; I never really inquired, I just made assumptions. So last Sunday I sent him an email:

Subject: can we hang out sometime?

You don't have to buy me food. I'd just like to hang out sometime. I like talking to you.

He responded less than a day later:

I don't know...the last time we met up it ended fairly unpleasantly...

Yeah, when I stopped kissing him and made him leave my apartment. Can I mollify him?

I understand how you feel. That's why I'm just asking to hang out. No dating drama, just hanging out.

I waited. No answer. After a day I sent this:

So you'll only hang out if the evening promises sex? Either you're really hard up, or I'm a TERRIBLE conversationalist ;)

I know I freaked out on you before. It was too soon after the breakup, I was a mess. I'm somewhat less messy now.

Still no response.On Wednesday I got together with glamorous Rochel, the dating coach, and her adorable 6-month-old. We talked about her life and mine, how I've had trouble letting go of Ivan the Terrible, and how I've tried to re-engage with GG.

"It's okay that you contacted him, because you sent him away," she said.

"Three times," I said. "Each time we've been involved I've broken it off. You can't blame him for being a little wary."

We also talked about the law of attraction, which I understood to postulate that if you want something, you bring it to yourself.

"I don't believe it," I said. "I've been wanting a husband for more than 20 years, and haven't attracted one."

"Have you been focusing on positive energy?" asked Rochel. "Or have you been saying "why don't I have this yet?" instead of  "this is what I want and deserve."

She had me there. I definitely have been emitting negative energy in the form of complaints and resentment. So I decided to focus on sending out positive energy -- hope and joy and envisioning a happy future with GG.

But it hasn't worked. I still haven't heard back from him. So I was thinking of sending him this video:

What do you think?
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

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