Monday, July 18, 2011

The law of attracting creeps

Someone need to tell the universe that I don't want to attract the wrong job or the wrong man. On Saturday I shlepped a ton of watermelon to a potluck picnic (it was on sale for 69¢/lb, so it was the cheapest thing to bring, albeit not the lightest) organized by my friend Ozer. One of the other attendees was a plump, balding, vaguely effeminate man who toed the line between friendly and a little too friendly. I'll call him "Creepy Cheapy" for reasons that will become apparent.

Before hamotzi CC cried, "Give me your hands!" and insisted on washing them for me. A little much. But I didn't really read into it. Then during lunch Shalva and I were talking. I can't remember how we got on the subject, but we were discussing pest removal. Bugs, mice, etc.

"That's when a husband really comes in handy," I said. "They're good at stuff like that. Once I had to call a friend to get rid of a really big spider in my apartment." Just so you know, this was before I ever saw Annie Hall.

"What else is a man good for?" asked CC archly, all but batting his eyelashes.

"Reaching things on high shelves," I mused. "Lifting and carrying heavy things. Buying me jewelry."

"And what else?" he simpered. This really was verging on the inappropriate. I think you all know I'm no prude, but there's no way I'm going to start talking about sex with a total stranger at a picnic populated by friends and acquaintances.

"High shelves, heavy things, jewelry... that's about it," I said disingenuously. "That's how I got these earrings." They were my Chanuka gift from Ivan the Terrible. I don't feel nostalgic (or worse) wearing them because I had my eye on them for years before I showed them to ItT.

Creepy Cheapy sobered up. "I would never buy jewelry for a girl I was dating," he said. (Now you get the second part of his moniker.)

I wasn't actually offended by the sentiment, but I decided to use it against him. "What if it was her birthday?" I asked, mimicking his effeminate simper.

"Even then..." he said. Shalva began talking about meaningful, non-jewelry gifts she'd received, and then CC's fairly ugly friend came over, asked me what I did, and, after I told him I had been a drug counselor, started asking me questions about withdrawal.

"Which is worse, the physical or the psychological withdrawal?" he asked. That's a fairly meaningless question. It completely depends on the user and the substance. I tried to explain that to him, but apparently his insides were as mediocre as his outside, so I decided to get a drink of water.

There were a few attractive men at the picnic, but I didn't make any real effort to engage them in conversation. I happened into conversation with one, who was actually the only person to ask why I was accessorizing my brown and white dress with a black armband (the elbow brace). But he didn't seem too interested, so I didn't ask Ozer to ask him about me. The other attractive man was a Cohen, and I actually didn't talk to him at all, so asking about him seemed pretty futile.

Alona and I arrived at the picnic together, and I told her that the Law of Attraction was going to draw men to me irresistibly, without any effort on my part. I should have told her that the LoA would draw attractive men to me irresistibly, without any effort on my part. Never heard from Sylvia the matchmaker either. I guess the guy, like so many men on SawyouatSinai, doesn't want to go out with women close to his age.

On the career front, I went for my third interview for the site director position, and I did not like some of the people I would be supervising. Especially not at the pay grade they quoted me. They made a point of emphasizing how stressful and hectic the job is -- sounds like too much aggravation for not enough compensation. (Jeez, I sound like Jesse Jackson.) I haven't heard anything since, but I'll decline if they offer it. And hope that it won't queer my chances for getting a job at the methadone program, where I interviewed Friday before last, since the HIV treatment program is part of the same health care/hospital network.

I also have two interviews in the boogie-down Bronx tomorrow. I know I said I'd only go on one interview per day, but they're relatively close together so it makes sense to knock off both in succession. Not looking forward to hiking 15 minutes from the subway station to the first interview site, since it's supposed to be wicked hot and humid tomorrow. I'm definitely not wearing pantyhose -- I will wear closed-toe shoes, but that's as far as I go in kowtowing to professionalism.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. Reading about other men's jackass behavior makes me feel better- I may be bad, but at least I'm not THAT bad!

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  3. Happy to provide a little perspective, Woody ;)