Thursday, September 15, 2011

That "you-screwed-up" face

I know I haven't been writing much lately. In part because there is no dating activity to report, in part because work is going well and I'm more or less happy. My co-workers geniunely seem to like and respect me, there's no harassment or accusations of unethical behavior. I had my first counselor-development-let's-not-call-it-clinical-supervision-but-that's-really-what-it-is meeting, and it went very well. But I'm still affected by PJSD, and that sometimes puts me in an anxious mood.

This morning I was called in to speak with the clinic manager, who runs the clinic but is not my direct supervisor; that honor falls to the Director of Social Work, or whatever her title is. My supervisor is in charge of all the social workers in all the clinics, so she rotates. I don't see her every day. Or sometimes, not even every week. I think that's part of the reason I often feel confused and lost. I'm making a lot of judgment calls, and maybe I should be bringing more questions to her. If I can reach her.

"Close the door," said CM. My heart sank. "I want to apologize."

Basically, I had followed her lead in resolving a problem, and we had kind of bungled things. Not in a critical way -- nobody died or lost their job or had their children taken away by ACS -- but we should have handled things differently. Very differently.

But before she spoke, I could have sworn she was wearing that "you screwed-up" face. It's a face that ranges from disappointed to disgusted, and I've seen so many bosses wear it. Have I lost the ability to read people? Is she difficult to read? Do I need more supervision?

Tomorrow we have a social workers' meeting -- we're supposed to have one every week, but sometimes it gets canceled. I have a feeling this will come up for discussion. It will be interesting to see the feedback and direction I get on this.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"

1 comment:

  1. She apologized to you! You followed her lead, and she was in error. It happens! It sounds like the environment there is supportive and mutually validating. Go with that. Breathe deeply. Smile. Don't let PJSD tarnish the teaching and learning moments with your new colleagues (and perhaps even friends!).