Sunday, October 02, 2011

Another disappointing online encounter

An attractive man some years my junior visited my OKCupid profile several times. His description seemed promising:

Hello, my name is Benevolence. I was born in Moscow and immigrated to the US at the age of 8. I have not yet returned to my homeland, but I do intend to visit one day.

Currently I hold a B.S. in Computer Science. Presently I work as a computer consultant. I wish to find the person with whom I want to spend my entire life - someone who will love me as I would love her.

In my experience, I find that I have the best rapport with women who are more mature and have a greater experience of life. I do not consider age to be an important factor, rather that we should have similar values and enjoy being together.

Regarding people and relationships, I believe that everyone is unique in their own way and that perfection rarely exists. At the same time, there are perfectionists who would like to take up the challenge.

I am an optimistic man of many interests, hobbies, and more likes than dislikes. I have a passion to help others. I am one who believes that everything can be seen from many different perspectives. For example, each and every single one of us is surrounded by art that people take for granted: cooking, raising a family, manner, music, poetry, and even making love.

As Dale Carnegie once quoted, "There are four ways, and only four ways, in which we have contact with the world, we are evaluated and classified by these four contacts: what we do, how we look, what we say, and how we say it".

Of course, what seemed most relevant to me was:

In my experience, I find that I have the best rapport with women who are more mature and have a greater experience of life.

I should have known better. He's Russian, right? No good can come from Ayelet getting together with a Russian. But he was cute. So I emailed him, and he emailed back, and then I emailed him -- and nothing. Today, a few days after my last email to him, I went to the site and saw that he was online. I figured, what have I got to lose, and IMed him.

Ayelet: hey
Benevolence: hi
A: shana tova
B: thanks you too
A: thanks

Pause. Should I give up? No, I'll ask how he's doing.

A: how r u today?
B: I am well, how are you
A: I'm also well :)
B: good

And another pause. Is he just being polite? Should I leave him alone? As my readers well know, Ayelet almost never leaves well enough alone.

A: so what's new? 
B: not much 
you scared me a bit with your profession 
did that comment offend you? 
A: no, but y does my profession scare u? 
B: its complicated 
I have PTSD 
I was stabbed 5 times with a 13" knife many years ago by a homeless man 
A: I'm so sorry to hear that, that's awful 
B: thanks for understanding you work with drug users 
A: I do 
B: that part scared me 
A: y? 
B: they freak me out 
A: like the guy who attacked you? 
B: I think so -- I just wanted to be honest with you and not act like I am ignoring you

Okay, so he has PTSD... at least he's not ignoring me!!!

A: I can understand why you'd feel freaked out, and I'm glad you're not ignoring me for other reasons 
B: I just have space with scenarios that give me flashbacks 
you're intriguing, sexy and beautiful 
A: thanks ;) I promise not to tell any work stories 
B: sounds like you want to fuck me more than me, lol 

Excuse me?

A: what makes u say that? 

He decided to change the subject:

B: interesting irony I just saw a woman online with a baseball cap, and the guy that stabbed me had a baseball cap on. Looks like I need a shrink after all 
A: therapy can help 
B: perhaps 
A: when did this happen? 
B: 7 years ago 
A: therapy could help 
B: do I intrigue you? 
A: definitely 
B: why 
A: you're cute, you seem stable 

At least you did in your profile and your emails -- before this little convo.

B: do I arouse you? 

Now I'm starting to understand why he likes "older women."

A: what are you looking for? I don't need a friend with benefits

Or if I do, I'm going to be sure it's a friend I already know, not a stranger.

B: right now, to get laid, lol... I am not financially stable for a relationship 
A: then I think we're looking for different things

I do not need to be with someone less stable than I am.

B: so I don't arouse you huh 
A: not at this point, no 
B: would you date a man that isn't financially stable? 
A: probably not, why aren't you stable? 
B: its complicated

It always is.

A: it always is 
B: thanks for your time, good luck

So much for that....
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. Oy. Sorry about this. Report him to the site! And stay away from Russians and Persians. : )

  2. I did, although I don't feel much better. Yeah, I need to stay away from Russians.