Sunday, October 09, 2011

It's hard to be humble

I hate begging for Shabbat and holiday meals. When I lived in a bigger apartment, and for a while in my teeny apartment, I took pride in inviting and feeding guests. But I haven't been up to doing that in a very long time, unless you count the few times Ivan the Terrible and I entertained.

These 3-day holidays are killer. If I'm not invited out, I sit at home alone. And that's no good. So today I bit the bullet and went on to ask for people to host me.

I'm nervous about it. I don't like being surrounded by strangers, being by temperament somewhat shy and insecure and inclined to overcompensate by dominating the conversation. But I need to go somewhere. Hopefully the people who invite me will appreciate my company. Hopefully I won't dislike them too much.

I also might go to Crown Heights for Simchat Torah. Because if I go there, there is no way I will meet a potential husband. Whereas in the west side, I will be tortured by hope and the inevitable letdown. The Kallah just reprimanded me for not asking myself over for the first days of Succot; I hope her offer is good for the last days. I might also get to spend some time with my friend Rochel the dating coach.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. I haven't been following you long but don't you have a bunch of similarly situated friends female (maybe even platonic male friends)? Can't you band together with them? Of course that would mean you would have to get "up" for it and do some of the work yourself. You could at least co-host at a good friend's apartment. Have you cultivated such local friendships?

  2. You know, Jan, for years I've seen friends get married and move away, and I've had to make new batches of friends, who then repeat the cycle. At this point I'm kind of exhausted. Please don't judge me without knowing more of my background.

  3. I'm not judging, I'm just inquiring. I understand it's exhausting to constantly have to find a new cohort of friends. I understand it's exhausting to sift through dating profiles and try to find suitable guys. It's exhausting to have to leave for work before dark every day as you do. But there are certain things you just gotta keep doing.

    If you start dating someone who's been living in the area for years and come to find out that they don't have any local friends, doesn't that raise a red flag to you? It would to me. In fact, it did with at least one of my potential mates.

  4. Honestly, most of my friends have moved out of the area by now, and I've stayed in large part because my apartment is rent-stabilized. As long as I *have* friends, I'd like to think I'm not flying too many red flags.