Wednesday, October 05, 2011

The slightly oblique dentist

On Monday, I got a very random Facebook email from a complete stranger who doesn't have a profile photo:

same age for men and women is

Probably all my blog readers, and certainly all my Facebook friends know that I am militantly in favor of dating and marrying someone close to my age. When I was invited to a singles event that advertised "men 25-45, women 23-38," I not only declined but wrote on the event wall that it was wrong to reinforce society's dysfunctional double standard concerning men and women's ages for dating. (R' Paysach Krohn agrees with me, for what it's worth.)

So I figured this person was writing to me because of that stand I took. As I ultimately learned, this slightly evasive person is a dentist, so I'm going to call him the Slightly Oblique Dentist (SOD). I wrote back:

Ayelet: is this about my comment on that dating event that required different ages for men and women?
SOD: yes, you’re right
A: thanks for agreeing with me
SOD: hope a friendship is possible......
A: it's possible, but I hardly know anything about you
SOD: I'm 42, from Queens:) nice to meet you, pale beauty.

Well, that's flattering, but still kind of weird. I've never met him in real life, and I don't even have a photo of him on FB. There's not much on his profile to give me a sense of who he is. He doesn't seem quite real to me, or rather, he seems a little shady. Emailing with a total stranger I know nothing about doesn't feel like the smartest dating move.

A: thanks, nice to meet you too -- why haven't you posted any pics?
SOD: no pictures cause im ugly.. haha

That's not exactly reassuring. Then I got a message from my friend Esti.

Esti: question: who is SOD? he sent me a message, "nice hat" do I know her? she said she was a friend of yours
A: he friended me kind of randomly... I don't really know anything about him; if he gets creepy I'll unfriend him, so far he's harmless... says he's 42 and lives in Queens

Now I feel a little less special. Because he's mining my friends list for potential dates. While I was pondering this, SOD IMed me.

SOD: shalom
A: hi, did you contact my friend Esti?
SOD: ? don't remember
A: she asked me how I know you
SOD: maybe, dont remember... Esti?
A: Esti Abrams, in the hat
SOD: oh...yes... i liked her hat... lol... cowgirl... i just got home

I decided to let him know how I was feeling:

A: look, it's kind of weird that you don't have a photo up... I don't know who you are
SOD: I'm from Israel originally, been here for 27 years in US, I'm a dentist, 42
A: that's fine, but I never met you in real life, so it's kind of weird to be IMing with a stranger

Then I had a senior moment.

A: I don't even know how you found me
SOD: ur comment
A: oh yeah, from that sexist singles event
SOD: its ok if u dont feel comfortable
A: I just think that these men in their 40s and 50s who think they're going to land a girl in her 30s or 20s are removing themselves from the gene pool
SOD: i like older women, actually... ure probably in ur late 20s -- good guess?
A: no, I'm 41
SOD: dont believe u... sorry, motek, u look 28, 29
A: thanks, I look young for my age
SOD: ever married?
A: nope, you?
SOD: no, was close but no cigar

We chatted briefly about the terrible helicopter crash on 10/4/11. I surprised him by stating I never watched the news but relied on, which apparently is too liberal for him.

SOD: are u religious?

That is a very good question.

A: more or less
SOD: orthodox?
A: more or less
SOD: bad girl, lol

At this point, we'd been IMing for about 10 minutes. I didn't think more IMing would make me more comfortable with him, so I decided to end the conversation.

A: whatevs... listen, gtg

If he's really interested, presumably he'll try to get my phone number so we can talk and get to know each other a little better. (According to The Rules.)

SOD: okay, bye, layla tov

That answers that.

A: chalomot paz
SOD: gam lach

Now I'm not sure what to do. Should I just completely blow him off because he tried to flirt with my friend? Should I try to get him to call me and make a date? Is he a viable dating prospect or just completely full of crap?
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. I wouldn't count him just because he flirted with a friend. It sounds like he is just looking around. Its not like you know each other yet. Too little info to know if he is actually creepy or you just don't know him and maybe he really is that insecure about his looks.

  2. Hahaha, I don't even want to know what it means when a 42 year old guy says he "likes older women"! Single ladies in their 70's and 80's perhaps? : )

  3. Hahaha, I don't even want to know what it means when a 42 year old guy says he likes "older women"! Single ladies in their 70's and 80's? : )

  4. Full o' crap. Without knowing what you or your picture looked like, the circumstances indicate he was clearly engaging in flattery.

    Ayelet, you can rage against the machine all you want but these singles organizers know what the people want. You can insist you declined their invitation, but the fact is you are 41, so you were not really invited to begin with.

    Not being mean, I know it's unfair. In this day and age women can have babies til their late 40s, so it's still lookism that drives this phenomenon. But when you write on the wall like that it looks like a bad case of sour grapes to them. Channel your energies elsewhere and be positive!

  5. He's definitely flattering me, Jan, but he actually does have a photo of me to go by. I met this guy through my "real" Facebook page, not the Ayelet Survivor page. Interesting take on the "sour grapes" comment on the event's wall, I will definitely consider what you've said.

  6. I meant *I* don't know what you look like or how photogenic you are. I figured he got your pic from maybe a dating site. He indicates he prefers women in their early 40s, but he contacts you, whom he supposedly thinks is 28-29? It doesn't add up. Combined with his other activity, he hardly seems like a guy you would want to encourage further.

    Next suitor, please. :)