Thursday, November 03, 2011

Extravagant guy

I haven't been feeling well all week. Slightly feverish, slightly sore throat, headachy, muscle achy, and peeing roughly once an hour. I'm prone to recurrent UTIs. Not sick enough to stay home, but too sick to go work out at the gym. Which has me slightly suspicious that it's mainly hypochondria, but I don't want to go to the doctor until my health insurance benefits start on November 15. I can save more than $500 in COBRA fees if I don't need medical care until then.

So I haven't been blogging much either, but I have to write about Extravagant Guy. He's a man I dated about 15 years ago. He was a college dropout who was working in technology, so he could either be a genius or unstable. After one passionate date, which included a sleepover, he was crazy about me.

Or he was just crazy. I wasn't sure. I didn't want to go out with him again because he was opposed to oral sex. Performing, not receiving. Since I was still a virgin at that point, the prospect of not getting any oral made him drastically unattractive. And then on top of that, I thought he was crazy, because he refused to take no for an answer.

For example: He left a very sensual gift at my door -- a Body Shop gift bag with peppermint lotion, massage oil, and a wooden "happy massager" implement. Apparently items he'd been planning to use on me. Along with a wacky card, including instructions, which I wish I'd kept. Basically, he said he'd bought me the gift before I decided not to go out with him again, and when he buys someone a gift it's theirs. The peppermint lotion was "for your feet and toes." (That part I remember verbatim.)

So I thought he was nuts, and started dating another guy. About a month or two later, I received an enormous and gorgeous bouquet of exotic flowers. The kind of bouquet that costs hundreds of dollars. I was thrilled, because I thought it was from the guy I was dating. Until I read the wacky card, which I really wish I had kept. It was from EG.

He said he couldn't stop thinking about me. He'd "gone out with two other ladies" since our date but didn't like them as much as me. The stock market had been treating him well lately, so how would I like to go away for the weekend with him? Bermuda, Key West, the Bahamas... and of course I'd have my own ticket and could leave whenever I wanted.

Now I thought he was really nuts, and I called to tell him that I had a boyfriend and he should leave me alone. ("Idiot," said my sister. "You should have gone to the Bahamas.") Which he respected, to an extreme degree. After he got married and moved to the West Side, he never tried to talk to me.

But if I was ever in the same room with EG, and his wife wasn't there, he stared at me. I once went to a gemara shiur at the rabbi's house, and I remember that EG kept leaning forward and glancing at me from time to time during the discussion. I did manage to say hello to him once at kiddush, but we didn't really talk. I figured I should leave him alone, so I did.

(And it turns out that I was wrong to consider him unstable, since he's now some kind of wunderkind business mogul. Like Steve Jobs, on a smaller scale, and in my opinion a lot more handsome.)

Anyway... a friend of mine invited me to a Facebook event to support Milk Street Cafe, which is losing business due to the barricades resulting from the Occupy Wall Street protest, which block its foot traffic. I noticed that he had been invited to the event and commented on the wall. So I clicked on his profile, and the first word I saw was


Oh ho... The wheels in my mind started turning. Clearly he's not crazy... and once upon a time, he did really like me... so maybe I should reach out to him again. I always enjoyed his company and found him bright and interesting. (And if need be, I realize now that I can live without oral sex as long as I'm getting enough of the other kind.) I was also encouraged by a New York Daily News horoscope:

With Venus in your love zone, you could be on a collision course with someone fabulous. Don’t be shy; make your intentions known. Put on your best smile, warm up your sense of humor and confidently approach the object of your desire. If you want to let someone special know you are interested, don’t be a wallflower. Exude confidence and you will get what you want.

So I sent EG a friend request yesterday. He accepted today. I went on his wall to read some of his status updates and saw this:

The best thing about being single again is you get your Sunday evenings all to yourself... The worst thing about being single again is you have your Sunday evenings all to yourself!!

I decided to comment:

let's hang out next time you're bored ;)

Ten minutes later, he IMed me:

EG: u there?
A: hi
EG: hello back
you said to drop you a line when im bored; have kids from 5-7pm then... my usual thurs eve boredom kicks in
A: so IM me or call me, I'm at home waiting for a FreshDirect delivery
EG: will do cap'n, phone#?

I gave it to him.

A: how old are your kids?
EG: 6 & 8

My heart pinged. Malchicks 1 & 2 were 6 and 8 when I knew them.

A: awesome ages! my nephew is 8, he is hilarious!
EG: yup, hafta pick them up downstairs. you going to moshe's daf yomi siyum?

Moshe is one of our mutual FB friends.

A: when is it?
EG: two or three sundays from now?
gotta hop downstairs to get the kids, ill follow up with im or phone call

My good friend Alona pointed out that EG's divorce is very, very recent. He might not be looking for a serious relationship. But either way, I figure I'll have some fun with him before I'm done with him. 
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. It was TEN YEARS AGO. But I like the rabbi and he's a dynamic speaker and good teacher, so I'm going to say it was good.

  2. Danger, Will Robinson, Danger !

    Why do you not think he's crazy now -- go with your first impression.

  3. I don't think he's crazy because he's a good father and, as I say about some of my patients, possesses "stable employment." I'm older and wiser now. After I see him when I go to see the haunted house, I'll have a better sense, but for now, there are no more red flags, just a green light.