Sunday, November 27, 2011

The Silver Fox flops

Went to the gym at 9:30am today for my fitness evaluation. Learned how to maximize my exertion and caloric burn while minimizing knee strain; also picked up some good stretches. Came home, colored my hair (STILL can't get those stubborn grays 100% covered; I should probably go back to the salon in 2 weeks) and showered. Was about to iron my hair when I decided to see if I had any voicemails. (Full disclosure: I was kinda hoping EG had called me. He hadn't.)

It was the Silver Fox. He left me a message two hours before our date, telling me he had to go into work today and hoping we could reschedule. I thought that was incredibly inconsiderate and called my dating coach friend Rochel. Her voicemail box was full; I'd have to wing it.

If he's very apologetic, and asks me to have dinner with him this week, I thought, I'll do that. If he's not very apologetic and suggests we just get together for coffee, screw him. Because honestly, if he almost stands me up, then I deserve some kind of date upgrade.

I called him. We settled on Wednesday at 6:30pm. What do people do on a weeknight at 6:30pm? Well, according to the Silver Fox... they have coffee. I said, "No, thank you," and hung up.

Later Rochel called me. "You should have just ignored his message," she said, "and made him work harder to reschedule. But if he canceled plans so abruptly with you and then didn't make any effort to apologize or win you over, he's not that into you. You're not the woman he can't live without, and you shouldn't bother."

Wise words. I won't bother. Kind of sad that my awesome d'var Torah at that Shabbos meal didn't lead to any dating prospects. But now I think I know why the Fox is Silver and still single.
Copyright (c) "Ayelet Survivor"


  1. After he blew me off with only two hours notice, he should have tried to make it up to me. Obviously he didn't feel like expending much effort on my behalf, so he's not a keeper.

  2. Yep, he's a jerk, but you could have played this better.

    In the future, resist the temptation to be aggressive. Don't be the first to call. Get your own "business" (i.e., personal) cards printed up so YOU can hand them out. Let THEM pursue.

  3. Yep, he's a jerk but you could have played this better.

    Never never NEVER be the first to call. If the guy is interested, he will do the work and make contact. Print up your own "business" cards and hand them out.

    Just a small investment and a little more self-control and you will weed out these guys on the fence -- thereby saving yourself a lot of time and distress.

    But if you enjoy going out for coffee and meeting guys who are bad prospects, or getting stood up by them when something else comes up, keep on doing what you've been doing.

  4. But if you enjoy going out for coffee and meeting guys who are bad prospects, or getting stood up by them when something else comes up, keep on doing what you've been doing.

    Jan, I appreciate the advice about getting myself some personal contact cards, but I could do without your snarkiness. Truth is a sword. You can slash with it, or you can point with it. How you use it says a lot about you.

  5. Sorry, I may have overdone it on the sarcastic language. It's not my native tongue, I'm just using it with you because I think you speak and write it so well. :)

  6. Jan's suggestion is a good one. When S & I met it was on a Friday night. I couldn't write down her # or email address, but she had a social card that she gave me, so I was able to contact her after Shabbat.

    We now have a joint social card that we use on Shabbat when we meet new people in shul that we'd like to be in touch with.

  7. By the way, Ayelet, you just might get better and more honest dating advice here than from many of your friends or even from your dating coach. We don't have any hidden agendas, and we're not being paid; so we can just call it as we see it. We'll help you, but if you're being unreasonable, we'll tell you. :-)

    And since this communication is doubly-anonymous, you should try to not take any criticism personally.

  8. Don't worry, Jan, I don't take it personally. I realize that many comments reflect more about the commenter than about me.